Tag Archives: owning a business

My New Business Plan. Don’t read it, it’s pretty boring

I wrote out a business plan when I first opened up shop.  I somehow accomplished all the phases of my business plan after years of struggle.  I did everything that I set out to do.  And now here I am with a well maintained business that needs little support from me.

But I might lose it all.  Every scrap I slaved away for, gone.  All because of a few photo’s.

But I been through the depression already.  I’ve been through several of them.  Just when I think I’m out of it, I slip right back in like an old scruffy sock with a hole in its toe.

The one thing that gets me out of depression is to have a PLAN.

P:  Perpetually

L:  Learning

A:  Alternate

N:  New ways to make money

The hardest thing about depression (I’m talking about the type of depression brought on by circumstance) is having to accept change.  It’s the hardest thing.  You’re depressed because something in your life that you rely on, is no longer there.  But I don’t like to use the word “loss”.  I like the word “change” better.

I hate the word loss because nothing can replace a “loss”.  The thing is gone, can’t be replaced.  Your life will suck now.  But if you use the word “change”, you’re not suffering any loss with change.  Things are changing and that’s all.  But you can only change if you have something to change in to.

In other words, you need a backup plan.

The only way out of depression is to accept change.  There’s no other way.  Don’t bother with hope. Hope leads to dwelling and anyone who’s been depressed before can tell you that dwelling is the root of all evil.  You have to let it go.

I accepted the fact that I might lose my business.  I accepted it a long time ago, but depression still hit me a few times after the fact.  I may have accepted the loss, but I didn’t have a plan to fall back on when shit hit the fan.

I was stuck with having that phrase “What am I going to do?” looping in my head.

Luckily, I found my back-up plan.  I have a new comprehensive business plan all laid out and get this, if this plan actually works, I’ll make more money than I do now.  Not only will I make more money, but there will be less stress and less over-all work on my part.

It’s feasible, it’s rational, it’s irrefutable.  A part of me wants to completely make the switch over to my new plan and sell my current business – that’s how good this plan is.

My biggest hurdle right now is funding.  First I need to pay off that $5,000 I gave to my lawer yesterday.  The question is, how much time do I have?  Do I have time to pay off that $5,000 and then save up for the new biz?  Or will I lose the business before then?

I have other worries too….like my clients.  The one’s who bought gift certificates.  I’m planning on my brothers help for that.  His spa will accept my gift certificates and I’ll pay his therapists at cost to massage those clients.

And as for my employee’s, if they want to stick with me, I’ll hire them at my new place.  Or my brother will hire them.  Either way, I’ll take care of them.  Even my office manager will still have a job.

But my absolute big-time worries are my Groupon customers.  You see, in order for me to pay back that $5000 I spent on my lawyer, I need to sell Groupons.  The question is, will I lose the business before or after all those Groupons expire?  And since Groupon is such a big part of our business, I can’t burn bridges with these people.  I can’t lose their trust.

Plus, bankrupting a business is no cheap task.  Luckily my business insurance will cover a bankruptcy lawyer, but I’ll need to have other income coming in not associated with the bankrupted business.  So I can continue paying my therapists and the rest of my bills for at least a month.  Money going out, nothing coming in.

The best way to avoid all these problems is to open my new business as soon as possible.  That’s the only way.

What’s my new business?  I’m going to rent one office – just one room in an office building and hire independent contractors to massage clients.

This is where I started out, just me in a little ol’ office massaging people, but this time around will be much different.

The massage I’ll be offering will be different.  It’ll be like no other massage seen here in Connecticut.  The fist of its kind; SOUND THERAPY MASSAGE

I have the logistics of it.  I researched what I need.  Sound bowls and tuning forks, and Amazon sells special wind chimes called Sacred Solfeggio that I’ll implement somehow.  I may even look into acquiring a PEMF mat for added effect.

Each massage will be 75 minutes long and include a foot scrub.  And Hana introduced me to a disposable eye mask that smells like lavender and heats up when exposed to air.  I bought 90 of them for a dollar each.  I’m trying not to use them on myself.  They are fantastic!

Each massage will be 75 minutes long.  No more, no less, and will include sound therapy and the foot scrub and eye mask all for $90.  It sounds expensive, but nobody pays full price for anything these days.  If clients book once a month with us, they’ll save $25 per session which brings the price down to $65 – the price of a massage envy membership.

My independent contractors get paid $25 an hour, so for $75 minutes that’s $31.25 a massage.  $65 – $31.25 = $33.75 for me.

I can fit 6 clients in a day.  From 9am to 8pm, that’s 12 hours.  Each client will need a 90-minute time slot, so 6 clients.  6 X $33.75 = $202.5 per day.  $202.5 X 6 days a week = $1215 X 4 weeks a month is $4860.

But that’s the cap unless you count gift certificate sales.  The most money I can possibly make is $4860 in one month – the absolute most.  But I’ll more likely make $1000.

I have roughly 5,000 emails in my database.  Each of those people get an automatic email sent to them on their birthday for a half off massage.  We are basically the birthday massage clinic – we get tons of them.  $90 / 2 = $45 – $31.25 = $13.75 for me.  $13.75 X 6 (clients) = $82.50 X 6 (days) = $495 X 4 (weeks) = $1980 a month.

$1980 would be a really good month.  But then lets factor in Groupon clients.  I may or may not utilize their service.  I do have over 5,000 emails in my database and with such limited space (we’re only going to have one room and one therapist at a time), I might not need Groupon at all.  Maybe in the beginning, but we’ll see.  I’ll break even with Groupon.  Maybe I can finagle a couple extra dollars from them, but otherwise I’ll just about be breaking even.

So that brings my total down to about $1000 a month and that’s if I’m lucky.  Take $500 for rent, and I’m left with $500 when all said and done.

Once the business is stabilized, I project my net income to be roughly $1500 a month.

But it doesn’t end there……

I’ll have multiple locations!  Now that’s when things get interesting.  What if I had 6 locations?  All making the barest net income of $500 a month?  $500 X 6 = $3,000 a month for Melanie.

As for the little bills…..

The therapists will be in charge of linen and lotion.  They buy that shit, not me.  They wash that shit too.  If they have 3 clients a day, that’s $93.75 and if they all leave $10 each, that’s $123.75 a day X 6 days a week, $742.50 a week.  That’s great money for a job they can come and go as they please and make their own hours.

I’ll use Google voice and buy a tracfone for the business.  One phone number for multiple devices all done through one app.  I tried it today and it works perfectly.  I can answer all the calls remotely even while the therapists still have access to the same number and can make calls with the tracfone.

I’ll buy an iPad and use the Square swiper for payments.  It’s the poor mans POS system and it looks damn sharp.

Schedulicity for online booking and payments.  It’ll be $35 a month for the price of Schedulicity and its compatible with Square.

Yes….I have it all mapped out.  All of it.

As for the independent contractors, I can’t tell them when to work.  I can’t legally tell them what their schedule should be.  So I’m leaving it as first come first serve.  Whoever puts hours in first, gets those hours.  I’ll hire more independent contractors if I see gaps in the schedule but that means everyone has to compete with each other to see who can nab the hours fastest.

I’ll pay my therapists weekly using my Bank of America app that lets me transfer money to friends.  Or I’ll use a different app, I don’t know.  I haven’t figured that one out yet.

Monday we’ll be closed.  Mondays will be the day of the week I go to work.  I can picture myself driving to all 6 locations in one day just picking up money as I go.  Like picking flowers in a green pasture.  I’ll pick up money and client intake forms so I can plug in their email addresses and expand my reach further.

Money Monday is what I’ll call it.  Happy Money Monday day.  And even if I do only make $3000 a month, that’s not a bad living.

There, I told you all my secrets.  If you tried to do it yourself, it probably wouldn’t work unless you’re willing to massage a few of those people yourself.  But I have those 5,000 emails (and birthdays) so I have a bit of a leg up.

Now I just need to calculate how much money I need in order to start it all up….

2018 will be the start of something beautiful.  I know it.  I’m only 12 days into it and I’m already feeling good about this year.

 

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Business Update

I went to work at 10:00 today to see there were 16 missed calls.  16 unheard voicemails blinking on display.

“Mother fucking shit.”

I’m still having trouble going to work while I have no clients as I stated in my last post.  I rationalized that my employee’s will never learn how to do anything on their own if I’m there spoon-feeding them.

I hired yet another therapist, Lara, bringing the total count to 13 massage therapists that work for me.  I felt I had no choice.  I was entering panic with the amount of clients we have.  We’ve been so busy that I’m massaging again, only couple’s massages though.  We sold 600 couples massages last month so I’ve got no choice but to help out.

I love this new therapist though.  I want to be her best friend kind of love.  She’s a 41 year old hippy chic with dreads, one of the coolest people I’ve ever met.

Tomorrow is Payday for all my new employee’s.  It’s the moment of truth day.  My employee’s made $2,136 and my independent contractors made $2,060 bringing the total to $4,196.

It’s January 11th and I have $18,600 in the bank.  If I want to pay my debt off by April, I’ll need to pay $4,600 of it this month, but I’m too scared to do it.

I’d be in good shape if I didn’t pay off $21,000 of debt these past few months, I’d have $40,000 in the bank right now.

Anyway, I have to go back to work.  Lara is coming in to learn how to do the signature couple’s massages at 2:00 and I need to be there anyway to answer phones, and I have a couples massage at 6:00.

Things are scary for me right now, I ain’t gonna lie.  It’s unnerving not having to massage as much as before, it’s discombobulating.  I feel uncalibrated.  I’m not sure if I screwed myself or what.  I need a few months to normalize, to get these signature couples redeemed and balance my books – to stop massaging for good and see what I’m left with at the end of each month.  Too much is questionable right now.

According to my current fear level, I doubt I’ll make my cross-country trip this year.

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Letters to Myself

My blog stats dropped drastically after my blogging hiatus last year.  I haven’t done anything to boost them up to where they used to be.

I’m thankful for the decline.  I literally exhaled today when I opened my laptop and looked at my stats.

In the meantime, my other website, my business’s website, has been receiving a steady 90 views per hour.

Why 90 views an hour?  I can not tell you.  I can’t even tell you here on my anonymous blog that gets 25 hits a day.  It’s not even classified as a blog, just letters to myself really.  A way to journal by saving money on notebooks and my hand no longer cramps up.

But since this is technically a public blog, and it’s at least 5 years old now with well over 800 posts, I can’t afford to let it get in the hands of the media.  Not now, not ever.

So, I can’t tell you what’s going on with my business, and I can’t tell you why it’s gone viral, but I can tell you this:  Everything’s going to be okay.

Even if it’s not okay, it’ll still be okay.

Before all this started, I didn’t want to write about my business anymore because it was all depressing shit, and the same shit over and over.  So I started keeping a separate post, just for my eyes only.

The following is an excerpt from my unpublished post.  I started writing it on August 7th 2015:

I’m not going to write anymore she says. I don’t want to write about morose things anymore she says. And what am I doing? The very next day?

I went to bed late last night. I’m still transfixed on the Divergent trilogy and wanted to look up the author to find out who she is.

She’s 23 with 3 worldwide best-selling books under her belt.

I was inspired. So greatly inspired! But then I watched her interview on YouTube and realized just how smart she is. She’s freaking smart and talks like she’s 40. My inspiration waned because it doesn’t count if she’s smart.

I started listening to her third book again, Allegiant, as my bedtime story last night. But I had no idea what she was talking about so I had to listen to her second book, Insurgent, to refresh my memory.

I fell asleep to it and my phone woke me up around 9 AM – no way I was getting out of bed yet – so I rewound the book to chapter one and listened to it again.

I laid my head back on my pillow and closed my eyes.

My dream began.

I was in a small sea-side town, a war broke out and people were scrambling.  Heaps of garbage lay everywhere.  All I wanted to do was clean but as soon as I started, everyone else chimed in and got it done before I even began.

It’s funny because everyone was either hiding or making plans of attack and there I was wanting to clean the place up.

I went outside our base camp and that’s when I became lucid.  I found myself on a Mars-like planet.  The sky was red, the ground, a hard tan colored clay.  I was completely alone but that didn’t matter.  I was struck by the beauty of the landscape. Especially a mountain in the far off distance – it was kaleidoscopic, as though it was painted by hand.

Me – “Wow, this is in my brain!  It’s so beautiful!”

I fell with my back to the ground – not sure how I got there but I didn’t care. I relaxed on my back and continued gazing up at the mountain. But then it started to shift, become blurry, and in it’s haze it made me remember about my business and the trouble I’m in.

I closed my eyes and started rolling. I wasn’t on a hill or anything, but my body acted on it’s own and wanted to roll. So I let it. It was rhythmic and somewhat relaxing until that is, I rolled into a pool of water. I opened my eyes to see the surface getting further and further away.

Me – “You can breathe, remember? This is all just a dream.”

I remained relaxed and limply floated down until the velocity of my decent picked up.  I was getting sucked down fast.  I wanted to test my strength and resurface but the darkness had a tremendous pull on me.

I couldn’t do it.  There was a gravity pulling me down.  Just like ayahuasca said – fear is gravity and will pull you down.  It was exactly that.

But I was lucid, I could breathe, I wasn’t that afraid, so I didn’t understand why. Why couldn’t I fight it?  That’s when I woke up.  But I didn’t want to wake up, not just yet – I had to beat it!  But I was already able to hear the narrator of Insurgent.  It was too late.

***************

When owning a business, each year that passes feels like dog years.  One year equates to seven in my time.  Thailand is a distant memory, I walked the Camino when I was a spritely innocent child.

Last winter was the longest season of my life, and this summers molasses is still sticking to my clock.

I had that dream before all this bad stuff happened.  No matter how brave, no matter how much fear I lacked, I was still brought down.

Why?  What am I missing?

How do I let go without giving up?  How do I let go without having to accept a dreaded ending?

I feel calm, defeated, but calm.  Not depressed.  I’m oddly aloof.  Everyone has been giving me condolences as if someone close to me died.

I’m embarking on the roughest patch yet of my hero’s journey.  I just wish I knew what to do.

And so my dearest Melanie, if you’re still around to read this when all this has passed, does it finally make sense now?  Why all this happened?  If so, can you send me the answers via prayer and transcend space-time?  Please do it now, don’t wait because I know you’ll forget.  Do it with a candle please.

Okay, I’m getting the message to wait.  To just wait and see.

Ugh, even the future Mel is a lazy asshole.  I can’t even send myself a decent prayer message.

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Be Positive and Get Positive Results. THIS IS BULLSHIT PEOPLE!

Who’s to say what’s positive anyway?  How do we know if getting fired is a negative thing?  Or getting divorced, going bankrupt, getting sick, having nobody, thrown onto the street, how do we know all that’s bad?  How do we know for certain?

When I was under ayahuasca, she told me that the whole point of us being here is to evolve and that we evolve through suffering.  There is NO other point.

You can be positive all you want, but shits going to happen.  Bad shit.  Worse nightmare sorta shit.

Why?  Because of karma.  Karma isn’t what you think it is.  Karma is fear.  What you’re afraid of happening, will happen.

You can’t accept or conquer fear simply by denying it.  Positive thoughts = denial.  And denial leads to physical and mental disorders according to Scott Peck in his book,  The Road Less Traveled.

I live in a harsher reality than what Eckhart Tolle paints.  I live in the world ayahuasca showed me.  It’s not all shits and giggles.  It’s real.

I’m in the midst of writing a very long post about my business, but I just had to throw this one out to y’all in the meantime.  Something major happened.  Something majorly fucked up.

It’s so heinous in nature, so venomous, so demented, that I’m unable to write about it – it’s that bad.

Have you ever experienced something too painful to talk about?  Have you ever felt that way?  Well, I’m feeling it now.

I’ve never experienced anything I couldn’t share in my blog before.  This is a first.  The first time I don’t want to share something to my most reliable confidante.

It has to do with my business of course, what else?  I’m at the point where nothing else matters, all else is trivial – I have bigger problems, you know?  Bigger fish to fry.  I don’t give a shit about anyone’s else’s shit.

Something happened two days ago that holds the power of closing my doors for good.

I’m not kidding when I tell you this but, the business has been kicking ass lately.  Clients are loving us, we’re fully booked with tons of happy return visits.  I taken care of my financial situation to the point where I’m saving $3000 a month with cut-backs.

I’m not joking, but not even a week later after making these cut-backs did my business suffer an entirely different circumstance.  I was just starting to relax and enjoy myself when a new unrelated bomb dropped.

It’s already 12:30 am.  I better rest up.  Tomorrow I have four clients lined up back to back early in the morning and then I have to go to the police station after.  Yes, the police station.  I told you it was bad.

You know how I wrote about when I feel like I’m not in control of a situation I tend to bury my head?  And I like to hold my breath and wait until everything passes?  Well, it’s like that.  I have zero control over this situation.

But I also felt the same way during my financial crisis and I managed to get that under control.  Is that what I’m supposed to do here?  Finagle my way out of everything?

What the hell am I supposed to do?  I mean, as far as evolving myself, getting stronger and gaining more courage, what do I need to do?  What’s the purpose of this?

God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.

What the hell God, really?

I can handle a lot.  I mean, I fully believe that I can handle anything and everything.  But just because I feel that way, doesn’t give god the right to bombard me week after week, year after year.

Ayahuasca – “There is no god, only you.”

But you told me there is a god!

Ayahuasca – “Yes, there is a god.”

Goddamned ayahuasca…..

I’m glad I’m stupid at least.  I’ll always have that stupid annoying laugh and dolphin grin on my face.  I’ll take it to the grave if I have to.

What can I learn from this though?  What can I possibly learn that I haven’t learned already?  Trust?  Letting go?

It’s always about trust and letting go.  That’s the whole point of courage and strength, to allow ourselves to trust and to let go.

We can’t evolve otherwise and as I stated many times before, it’s the only point of us being here.  So trust and letting go are pretty damn fucking big deals.

******************

I just felt a wave of love wash over me.  Somewhere in the wave, it told me I should believe in myself.  To stop worrying about the future but to take appropriate action at the same time.

This is so weird.  So super weird.

It’s all about making a choice.  To do or die.  It’s about believing in yourself wholeheartedly.

But when it’s out of my hands how can I……

Rational Brain – “But but but….there will always be a but.  Stop that.”

Trust, just trust.  And believe.  I can’t have my head buried in the sand for this trial (which may result in a real litigation trial).

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Miserable Melanie

My crazy aunt and homoscidal cousin are back here living with us again.  My happiness lasted for about a day and a half….

Damn hard day today was.

I had to go into work early for a client I never massaged before.  He was a man with a Groupon – he bought his massage from an online deal site and if I had one of my therapists massage him, it would’ve only cost me $3.

I pay my therapists $10 when they don’t have any clients, and $13 an hour for online deal clients (I know it sounds cheap, but we’re not massaging many deal clients anymore).

So, I went into work and saved myself $3.  I resented being there – I loathed it.  I was only there because of a technical malfunction.  He was a big black man with thick dreads and he kept his shorts on so I couldn’t massage anything above the knee (because his shorts were in the way), he didn’t want to put his head in the face cradle which made it hard for me to massage his neck and shoulders – and he wanted his abdomen massaged.  His thick dreads got in the way of massaging his neck.  Basically it sucked.  He was really nice though…

When the 60-minutes were up and I told him his massage was over, he looked up at me and said, “I thought I had 90 minutes?”

I’m the one who booked the appointment and there was no mention of it being 90-minutes.

Damn.  I massaged him all over again in a half-hour.  He liked it though, so that’s what’s important.

I worked a lot this week and kept reminding myself that starting next week, my new therapist will work Tuesdays and Wednesdays for me.  I’ll be free.  I always think I’ll be free, but no matter how many therapists I got working for me, I seem to always get booked.

I went home after massaging Mr. Dreadlocks and watched some TV and tried to relax without letting my crazy aunt and cousin eat at me little by little with running water and weird OCD grunts and my aunt saying “I love you, I’ll be right there” to her 45 year old son plugging up his ears and humming to himself – no he has no mental retardation.

“I can’t do this.  I can’t do this.”  I opened my laptop to look at apartments.

“20 more members.  I need 20 more members and I can afford one.”

I started going crazy.  Members.  All I could think about were members.  I need I need, I want I want.  I started spiraling into that dark place of hopelessness.  My whole world revolving around members.

“I need to pay my debt first.  I need more members to pay off my debt.”

“I’m stuck.  I’m stuck here.”

I closed my laptop and took a deep breath and thanked the lord I was going to Thailand.  I thanked the lord for giving me 128 members.  I thanked my new therapist who’ll be taking over Tuesdays and Wednesdays for me.  Thank you thank you thank you!

I went back to work for my last two clients.  One of whom being one of my favorite people to massage.  I made a full recovery out of the spiraling darkness.  How the hell do I do that?  My resilience never ceases to amaze me – seriously!

But then I got smacked in the gut hard with a dagger of a fist.

My new therapist:  “I have to tell you something and it’s not good news, but not horrible either.”

Me:  “Are you pregnant?”

Before she responded to that, I braced myself and remembered to remain calm.  Breathe, just breathe Mel.  Is asking an employee if they’re pregnant considered sexual harassment?  Probably.

New therapist:  “No, I got offered another job with benefits at a hospital and I need to cut my hours.  I can only work Tuesdays starting on the first.”

Me:  “Oh….”

New therapist:  “I feel bad because I asked for all those new hours.”

Is that why you feel bad?  You don’t feel bad because you’re only giving me a weeks notice and I’m going to freaking Thailand in two weeks?!

I didn’t say that, but I was screaming it in my head.  On the exterior, I was calm and understanding.

No no no no oh please god no no no no.

As soon as she left, I went on the schedule and blocked her shifts off before anyone else can book with her online.  Of course she had clients booked up until Dec 22, of course.  And of course she works Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday – why wouldn’t she?  Without her here, I’ll only have one therapist working weeknights for all of December while I’m in Thailand.  And we are BUSY.  We’re actually doing phenomenal here as far as clients and money goes – this month felt like a gift from god monetary wise.  But money means nothing if clients aren’t happy.

“I have to find someone ASAP ASAP!”

I went on zip recruiter to repost my job ad, but my initiation price expired and the price they wanted went up to $100 a month.  WTF zip recruiter?

I grabbed my old pile of job applicants and sifted through them instead.

“no, no, definitely not her, eh, nah, wait who’s this?  Oh yes!  Oh please oh please god….”

I found an application from a girl who applied here in April when we first opened.  I loved her and wanted to hire her but I held back because she didn’t seem confident enough.

I rolled my chair back over to the desktop and typed her up a pleading email.  Well, not horribly pleading, but pleading enough.  I sent it.

I waited 5 minutes.  I waited 10 minutes.  I was just staring at the computer screen.

“That’s all I can do.  I can’t do anything else about it tonight so I should just go home.”

But I didn’t go home, no.  I texted her instead.  She replied with:

IMG_2127

 

And once again, I made a full recovery back into feeling fantastic.  She’s willing to put in her two weeks at her other job tomorrow.  Words can’t explain how thankful I am.

The girl who cut her hours, honestly I didn’t think much of her anyway.  She’s one of those athletic types, you know what I mean?  Running, lifting, drinking kerotine or whatever it’s called.  I don’t get it.  I’m not saying she’s a bad person, just one of those types who have absolutely nothing in common with me.  It’s always the athletic type that I have the least in common with.  It’s weird because I really like karate and I run to my car in parking lots.

The person I have the most in common with?  My 22 year old puerto rican male therapist.  I adore him!  He ran track in high school, but he did it for fun because he thought he was the fasted kid ever.  We discuss video games and how much we don’t like dating.  And he has a true bona-fide love for people just like I do.  I can see it just by the way he treats people – he really cares.  He treats old people with genuine kindness.  Not to mention he’s a goldmine as far as clients re-booking with him goes.

Male therapist:  “We’re like the same person you and me, it’s scary.”

Me:  “Ha ha, I know!”

This new girl I’m hiring, I feel like she’ll be a narcissistic supply for me, you know what I mean?  One of those people who feeds ego’s.  All my other employee’s make me feel good about myself, sure, but then you meet someone who looks up to you and they hang on your every word more so than normal.  It’s not about love, but admiration and inferiority.

When something inspires you, it’s because you want to find that same hidden gift inside yourself.  It’s not real love, but a key.  Once that lock is opened, the love for the thing that once inspired you is gone and you’re left with nothing but love for yourself.  I know this is true, trust me.

And once you’ve opened the gift inside yourself, you want to keep it by never returning the power back to its source, so you push the original owner of the key down into inferiority.  Gaining power is what happens.  Stupid ego…

This is why celebrity gossip can crush a career.  Why oceans of people can tear a person down who once stood so high.  If celebrities, politicians, or any type of leader can make a mistake, that means they’re no better than the rest of us.  All their greatness gets transferred over to the people judging them.   It’s inspiring to know that great people are no better than the rest, so we keep the offenders far below our stilettos until we get inspired by a new target that is far more superior than anyone who has ever lived in our lifetime!  And then of course, ruthlessly crush them when they fail.

Martyr’s…I guess it’s part of our evolutionary process.

Truthfully, ego-feeders annoy me because of this.  But they have no idea what’s going on, so they can’t help it.

Whenever I’m admired I always I have the thought in my head, “find your own, don’t take mine.”  Because that’s what it feels like.  It feels like taking someone else’s gold nuggets without bothering to find your own.

I end up sounding rude, impatient, or being in a generally bad mood.

It’s a good thing I don’t have many admirers.  It’s a shitty thing to be admired.

 

 

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Another post about work. You can skip it.

I can’t write.  I brought my laptop to work and now I’m sitting here listening to my hispanic worker talking about her crazy shenanigans with her boyfriend.

“Why would he be driving off in MY car with a man who has money on his head?  He know’s people want him dead.  He know’s there’s a hit man after him and he’s driving around in MY car with my kids carseats thrown in the back and some girl in the front seat.”

Me – “That’s shit.”

“She don’t need to be driving around in the front seat with him.  Why was she in the front seat?  I jumped on that car like a spider monkey and sucker punched him in the face through the window.”

She showed me some bruises on her arm.

Me – “Then what happened?”

“He drove off speeding and weaving in and out of traffic in MY car.”

Me – “Did you report the car stolen?”

“Yeah I went to the police but they said it has to be missing for 24 hours before I can do anything.  It’s because I let him borrow it for work so I had to wait to report it stolen.”

I know it’s bad to stereotype, I know, but she’s just like someone you’d see in a movie.  Super cute with her big hoop earrings, her hair always done up in different styles and that spunky Latina accent.  She looks like a young Janet Jackson but sounds like Rosy Perez.  Last week she told me about a high-speed police chase she and her boyfriend were in.

Okay, I’m home now.  Laying in bed watching It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

I was on top of the world yesterday.  I was up to 96 members, a good hefty sum of money in my bank account even after having spent thousands of frivolous dollars this month, and my new employee who’s taking over most of my shifts starts this week – yes on top of the world.  That is until I glanced at my bank account two hours ago to see that the IRS had taken out $1,200.

Shit…..

Shit!

Shit….

The thing is, I don’t want to work anymore.  That’s my ultimate goal.  And with the start of my fifth employee, I’ll now be working Wednesday evenings, every other Saturday from 11-3, and I’m still working freaking doubles every Sunday – but that’s it.  That’s my work load until I reach 115 members and my new employee can assume the rest of my shifts.  I’ll be “by request only.”  All my favorite clients already have my cell phone number to text me for appointments.

I have to rely heavily on my employee’s to rake in dough while I’m not there.

I know that 96 members sounds like a lot, but once you factor everything in, 96 members will only cover the cost of my workers and little else.  I sell 40 Groupons a month which pays for most of the rent, but all other bills and stupid taxes are not yet covered.  As long as I make at least $80 a day, I’m good – but now that I’m hardly working anymore, it’s going to be a constant struggle in hoping that my little stinkers hit $80 a day.

Under normal circumstances I wouldn’t be worried, every day I sell more and more memberships, but I’m planning a month long trip to Thailand in December.  It all comes down to another crunch.  I’ll need at least 135 members by December to pull off Thailand.

And that’s the most of my worries.  Well, there’s that and I sliced open my finger last night while putting together a cabinet I bought from Ikea.  I spent $300 without batting an eye on a new cabinet to store all my shit in.

I’m a fanatic when it comes to feng shui and my money corner is way too cluttered with junk.

$300 on a new cabinet, $500 for a plane ticket to Minnesota, $300 to advertise in the Bargain Book, $300 for peel ads in the Record Journal, $200 for regular ads in the Record Journal….I spent $1600 this month plus the $1200 in taxes – that’s $2800 I spent towards things that aren’t accounted for – meaning, they aren’t part of my regular monthly spending.  That’s a lot!

And that’s another big reason why I don’t want to work anymore.  I mainly massage member clients now – that’s $50 an hour plus a tip between $10 – $20.  Making $70 an hour doesn’t seem like a whole lotta shabam anymore.  I massaged 3 members today and a woman with a birthday coupon – that’s over $200 for 4.5 hours of hands-on work which sounds like a lot, but it’s not.  Not compared to how much I actually need to make.  But then add on the members that my employee’s massaged today and that tacks on another $150.  Now we’re talking.

It’s like if a person cuts the grass and trims the hedges of their own million dollar mansion just to save a few bucks.  It wouldn’t be worth the effort unless they actually took pride and enjoyed it.

And that’s the thing isn’t it?  I don’t enjoy it.  I NEVER enjoyed it.  And I find it hard to believe that people actually DO enjoy it.  Are they kidding themselves?  I mean really….

As you can see, I’m becoming greedy.  Greedy out of fear.  Fear that I may have to keep working just like my father.  Keep working with nothing but Ikea cabinets to show for it.

Perhaps greed doesn’t stem from over-indulgence or power.  Maybe it’s just fear of losing everything.  Maybe the fear of having nothing causes greed.  Well, that’s in my case at least.

I salivate at new member sign-ups.  With each sign-up, I chip away at that $80 quota I have to make every day.  Once that $80 hits zero, would I still yearn for more?  Or would I indulge in a life of travel and leisure?  To not give a shit about anything anymore?  Would my greed sickness be remedied with 40 more sign-ups?

And now it’s 1 A.M.  I have to be up early tomorrow for a regular client.  But then I can come home and nap after.

I think I’m mistaking worry for greed.  I’m worried, but I really shouldn’t be.  I’m worried I won’t be able to go to Thailand – what kind of ridiculousness is that?

I can’t believe how high on life I was yesterday and tonight is just the opposite.  I am so freaking lucky compared to others.  This blog entry is shit, I’m a shit.  I still have to write about my trip to Ecuador.

I’m genuinely curious to see my behavior after I sell 40 more memberships.  Will greed corrupt me or would I finally exhale?  Stay tuned!

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An update on my business. You can skip this post.

The archer Legolas Greenleaf, here portrayed b...

The archer Legolas Greenleaf, here portrayed by Orlando Bloom in The Lord of the Rings film trilogy, is arguably Tolkien’s best known elf. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Oh God blog…..

I can’t seem to catch up to anything.  My thoughts, my debt, my job, my life.

I got back from Ecuador, hmmm, when did I get back?  Three days ago?  Four?  My suitcase is still laying where I left it before slipping into bed after a long two weeks.  An awesome two weeks.

I have no time to unpack just like I have no time to write.  I’m laying in filth which I call my bedroom.  

Destroyed since my brother decided to go on a cleaning spree while I was away and threw a bunch of my old stuff in my room in order to “clean” his area of the house.  A guitar, old mail, storage containers, a life-size cardboard cut-out of Legolas from Lord of the Rings (don’t ask).

I gave one of my employee’s more hours.  Two extra shifts hoping that will free up some space.  So I don’t have to work so much.  But it seems like no matter how many hours I give my employee’s, I’m still fully booked from 11-8 six days a week.  Mornings and nights, before and after work, I find myself working still.

I need one more employee.  Just one more.  To take this burden away.  But I haven’t done the math yet.  I have yet to do the math to figure out if or when I can hire another.  All the numbers are there from last month – how much I made, how much I paid, my projected income for the months ahead – it’s all there.

But instead of pouring over the numbers, I’m writing this blurb.  A blurb that tells you absolutely nothing about anything of real importance.

It’s like having a lump of upset in your throat, only it’s in the pit of my stomach.  A tightening, a sort of wrenching feeling of constipation, only I’m not constipated (I ate so much freaking papaya).  My heart is beating so fast.

Oh God blog….

I’ve sold 74 memberships so far.  I need to do last months numbers to figure out how many more I need to sell in order for me to start breaking even every month.  But it’s a catch-22.  From every angle, it’s a catch-22.

If I continue having all these clients, giving shitty massages because I’m so damn worn out, I’ll never sell more than 74 – who would want to get a monthly shitty massage from me?  Not to mention I can’t get myself out there to market my business whilst I’m busy giving shitty massages all day.

Solution?  Hire another therapist.  Catch-22?  I can’t hire another therapist until I can make sure I can afford them.  I can make sure I can afford them by selling more memberships.

And the members that I DO have, I’ve promised them easy bookings.  They can get in whenever they want whether it be short notice or not.

I’m not keeping this promise.  All of us are completely booked solid for the next seven days.  There are five of us!  What members are going to want to stay if they can’t get in?

We have 550 online deals still circulating out there.  Once they get redeemed, we’ll have more space.

There’s always some kind of crunch to go through, you know what I mean?  Two months ago I was going through the online deal crunch – groupon debt.  This month I’m going through an entirely different crunch.  74 monthly members need to be able to conveniently schedule with us at the same time we’re redeeming all those stupid online deals.  Member clients make up 90% of our income (I’m not making anymore from the online deals), so they are priority, however, I need those online deal clients to sell more memberships (not to mention to keep my employee’s booked).  Catch-22.

And I’m drowning in skin, lotion, limp bodies, back and neck pain, sore legs, empty stomach, no sleep, stress.

Crunch…..

I need to do those numbers.  I need another therapist.  I haven’t been eating away into my personal line of credit yet, in fact, I paid half of it off leaving me with a remaining $4,500 of debt.  The only thing that could bring me into borrowing money again is a new hire – it’s the only thing that can tilt the scale.

But if I allow myself to borrow again, will I eventually be able to pay it off once we sell more memberships?  How long will it take to sell enough memberships until I can stop borrowing?

Oh.  My.  God.  Blog.

Growth seems to happen on a gamble.  Although, I don’t like to think of it as a gamble, but an investment.  We plant crops on a gamble hoping they’ll grow.  If we don’t plant, there will be no growth and where there is no growth, we find ourselves scrambling to the nearest wild berry brush, gnawing on cattails and grubs.  Always starving.

Do I start planting or start preparing for a hard winter?  Catch-22…..

Ayahuasca told me she will give to me as long as I give to her.  The more I drink, purge, let go, surrender, don’t slink away into control and darkness – she will show me everything that I’m ready to understand.  If only I give to her everything I have.  My heart, my curiosity, my strength.  I’ll get it all back.

How much faith do I have?

I go through this every time I hire someone new.  A period of torment.  And after each new hire I always exhale and say to myself “now I can relax.  Now I won’t need to work so much.”  And each time I’m wrong.

Shit I need to sleep.  Sorry for these types of posts.  They are mainly for myself so I can record my progress.

I’ll write about my trip to Ecuador after I crunch those numbers.  My next post I’ll tell you exactly how much I make and what I pay each month.  As of now I don’t know if I’m plus or minus.  Literally no idea.

Monday.  I’ll figure it all out on Monday.

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