Tag Archives: lucid dreams

Lucid Dreaming

I just woke up from a lucid dream while laying on my PEMF mat.

I haven’t laid on this thing since it made me puke last week.

I wasn’t even tired today but as soon as I laid down, my eyes closed and I fell asleep within seconds.

I awoke sitting next to my friend Stephanie who proceeded in telling me that I was in her dimension and not my own.

I started asking her all these questions, stuff I don’t already know, and she diligently answered them and surprised me with her answers.  Unfortunately this dream was my first lucid dream in quite some time – my first ANY dream actually.  So I’m a bit out of practice in remembering what she said.

Steph:  “Do you want to watch E later?”

Me:  “E?!  Who the hell watches E?”

Steph:  “What time are you from again?  E!  It’s Neil Diamond’s special.”

Me – “Neil Diamond?  What’s so great about Neil Diamond?”

Steph – “How can you even ask me that?”

Then my old poodle that passed away 15 years ago jumped on my lap.

Me – “Oh my god, Spudz!  I missed you so much, you didn’t visit me in years!  How are you buddy, you doing alright?  Your fur is so soft and clean.”

I hugged and kissed him.

Then Julia Styles appeared.

Me – “Julia Styles?  What are you doing here?”

Julia – “Oh hey……..”

I forgot what she says but I went over to her and seeing that it was a dream and all, I started kissing her.  No tongue, just lips.  She had a small mouth and it was unfulfilling.

While I was making out with Julia Styles, I was transported away to another room where a man sat on the bottom half of a bunk bed.

Me – “Hey, who are you?”

Him – “I”m part of your team.  We’re looking for someone who just tried feeling up Julia Styles.”

Me thinking – I didn’t try feeling her up, what’s he talking about?

But then I jumped his bones too, but he disappeared on me before I got the chance.

All these people in my dream were teammates. We were a team of super hero’s.  We were superhero’s because we knew the world we lived in wasn’t real, we could control it.

At some point during the dream, my ex-boyfriend Dave showed up.  Dave wasn’t part of the superhero team, but he was there to help us.

I shouldn’t even be writing about this especially now that he’s married with a kid on the way, but once again, I jumped his bones.  I pulled his pants down and gave him a blowjob.

Me thinking – I can finally give him that deep throat he’s always wanted.

But no, even in my dreams I gag.  How is that even possible?!

Lucid dreams have the tendency of feeling more real than real.  Especially when it comes to sex.  Everything is heightened beyond your wildest expectations.  I’m not blowing smoke and you’d not believe me until you experience it yourself.  It’s the most mind-blowing sex you’d ever have in real life.

Julia Styles spotted a group of men dressed in black approaching the house we were hiding in.  They worked for the government and it was their job to kill superhero’s who might tilt the scale of power.

Julia Styles – “RUN!”

Since I knew it was a dream, I willed myself to fly upward into the ceiling.  It was hard to go through the wood of the ceiling, but I pulled myself through.  There were multiple floors in this house and I never seemed to reach the top.

Me – “Screw it, I’m going out the side.”

I flew out the side of the house and found myself floating in the universe.  I tumbled around at crazy speeds (but not out of body, it was still only a dream).  I floated through electric purple and blue storm universes which were my least favorite, and then I ended up on a planet completely made out of pixels.  It was a low-def video game from the 80’s.

Me thinking- Oh man, why are my dreams so outdated?  I can think up better graphics than this!”

I turned into Link from Zelda, only a female Link wearing a skirt instead of pants.  Zelda, I guess I was Zelda.  And I continued to fly around in a Minecraft-looking world, building castles and stuff as I floated above everything.

That’s the time I over-heated and woke up.  My PEMF mat was set to 5, it clearly states not to fall asleep with it set to 5.

I didn’t abuse the other controls though.  I didn’t give myself an overdose of PEMF, IONs, and PHOTONs like I did last week.

Damn, I gotta go to work.

it’s now the next day. Or possibly two days later, I don’t know.

I just reread what I wrote and what I want to know is why the hell am I so horny in lucid dreams? I’m NOT like that in real life. Nowhere near it, complete opposite. In fact, I just bought my first vibrator at a romance party and it’s not even the kind with the shaft and balls, it’s just a vibrating ring I can wear on my finger. Honestly I probably won’t even use it.

I’m going to Google horny lucid dreaming, hold on….


It’s now a lot of days later……too many days later.  Work has me all knotted up these days.  I’m posting this now or I’ll never post it.

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Speaking of dreams…

The "impossible architecture" of M.C...

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I had a weird one last night.  I always, ALWAYS dream that I’m back in high school frantically searching for my classroom.  Last night was no different, well, Holly and Stephanie were both in my dream this time.

We were in an assembly.  The assembly was meant to prepare us for the school year (eleventh grade).  Everyone had their lockers picked out, schedules and books ready – I had nothing.

I dreamt this dream so many times that I actually wasn’t scared this time around.  Instead of being scared, I felt embarrassed for being stupid.  Holly and Stephanie were prepared and ready for their next class.  They were trying to help me get my shit together.  They were telling me I filled out the wrong forms.

Holly – “You filled out the wrong form, see?  This one is for new students to fill out, you need the existing student form.”

She held up the form and showed it to me.  I felt like an idiot and told her I was going to the office to straighten everything out.

Going to the office to pick up my schedule is always part of my school dream.  In this particular dream, I had trouble walking to the office – not that I didn’t know where the office was (I made many trips to this fictitious office), I knew where it was, but I had trouble physically walking.  Holly and Stephanie watched me walk down the hall to the office.  Just by knowing they were behind me watching me walk, made my legs wobbly.  There was a railing mounted to the wall that I had to hold onto so I could drag myself.  My legs felt like a thousand pounds of rubber.

Finally, I made it to the office and stood in line.  There was nobody in front of me so I thought I was next.

A woman came into the office and sat on the bench, then a woman who works there appears and helps the woman who came in after me.  This pissed me off because I was there first.  They sit down together for what looks to be a lengthy discussion.

Me – “Excuse me?  I just need a printout of my schedule.  Can you help me?”

She calls for her spanish assistant.  She starts speaking in spanish to him.  I understood her.  I apparently know spanish in my dreams.  She asked the spanish boy if he was busy right now.

Spanish guy – “Nada aqui”

In the dream this meant “nothing now.”  I don’t know what it means in real life.

Me – “Oh good you can help me get my schedule.”

Snooty woman who works there, “pffff….she speaks spanish.”

The nice spanish boy taken me through the office and out the door.  We were now outside the school.

Me – “I also need to find out where my locker is.  Can you do that?”

Spanish guy – “Si, si.”

We ended up in a scary ghetto.  We walked up to a building and saw The Butcher from the movie Gangs of New York standing outside with his top hat and handlebar mustache.  The spanish guy nods in his direction.  We go into the building that turns out to be another office.

The dream gets cloudy from there, but I remember crying and getting yelled at for crying by a little kid who told me he can’t be around negative people.  He said I have to pretend to have everything.  If I pretend, I will acquire it.  Something like that.

The night before this dream, I had one of my lucid dreams.  Lucid dreaming is dreaming when you know you’re dreaming.  It’s as awesome as it sounds.  I have the power to explore uncharted destinations of my imagination – to learn and be astounded by the glorious imagery and amazing people that have never existed before now.  I can do all that, but I don’t.  You want to know what I do instead?  Instead of soaring through space or discussing the meaning with Jesus and Buddha, you want to know what I do?  I have sex.  Dirty dirty sex with anyone I can find.

My sex drive is uncontrollable in lucid dreams!  And the sex is amazing!  Absolutely amazing, that is, as long as I can focus on being lucid and not having weird things pop into my brain.  Sometime’s when I concentrate on a person’s face, their face gets scraped off.  Making love to a person whose face had been scraped off is a turn off.

This one time I was having a lucid dream of being in a big green pasture.  I looked around and seen a pretty young woman standing alone.  I walked up to her and asked if it was okay to kiss her.  She said it was fine, and so I kissed her.

Normally my loins would be raging during a kiss, but nothing happened.  I kept kissing her and still I felt nothing.  It felt like I was kissing a tree.  I stopped and apologized, turned on my heel and said, “I need a man.”

I learned in lucid dreaming that you have to look for stuff – not try to cajole anything out of thin air, but to look around for it.

A car popped up in the middle of the green pasture.  I get excited and run to it.  I open the door and who do I see?  None other than George Castanza sitting in the driver’s seat looking scared and confused.

“George Castanza?  Seriously?”  He had a stain on his sweatshirt.

“Screw it.”  I pull him out of the car by the front of his shirt and start passionately kissing him.  My loins flared and I tore off his clothes.  The rest I will leave to your imagination, but I’m sure your imagination has better things to do.

This dream happened years ago but I remember it so well because I wrote it down and told my friends about it.

I’m a horny bastard in my dreams.


Filed under All about me, humor, journal, Strange & Unusual