Category Archives: work

Sunova

Sunova.  Bitch.

I drove all the way up to Bozrah today in the pouring rain to interview a potential therapist and the goddamn girl didn’t show up.  Mother Fucker.  DECLINED.

But I did get a lot done while I was there.  Everything in fact.  Everything is done.  I even got through my Booker onboarding meeting that they insisted I partake in.  The guy gets me on the phone, we link our computers so he can see everything happening on my screen.  It’s a big process.  Not just a phone call meeting, but it’s an elaborate training session involving sophisticated software.

Him – “This onboarding meeting is very lengthy and can take quite some time.”

Me – “Okay.”

10 minutes later…

Him – “Uh well…..it looks like you set everything up already.  Your hours, rooms, services, logo….you did it all already.”

I was probably the first non-dumbass he had to deal with all week.  He sounded relieved.

After the meeting, I uninstalled the screen sharing app.  The guy probably enjoys watching the screens of unsuspecting dumb asses who don’t realize they’re being watched.  No sir, I’m no dumbass.

I drove to the nearest Walmart in Bozrah to grab some last needed items.  An extension cord, a sharpie, hammer and nails, thumbtacks.  Little things to help me finish off the room.  Oh, and I picked up a bag of smart food popcorn, a box of 26 mini Slim Jims for 5 dollars, and a bottle of Starbucks mocha latte.  I hate you Walmart.  I hate you.  I promised myself I wouldn’t drink anymore mocha latte’s on account of the caffeine but no.  I just had to do it.  I had to drink it.

I nailed the two surround sound stereo speakers to the wall, turned up the bass on my subwoofer so I can get a heavy dose of binaural beats.  I set up my solfeggio wind chimes to have them clang ever so softly to a rotating floor fan set at low speed.  Then, once everything was done, I laid on my bio mat to soak in the rhythm.

Me thinking – “Now it’s just a matter of time.  Now I wait for the therapists to come.  If I build it, they will come.  Or wasn’t it “he” will come?  Damn it I forgot to buy a pillow.”

Yesterday I got an email notification that someone applied to my business.  I got super excited thinking that all my problems are once again solved.  But no.  The woman who applied was the same woman I fired a little over a year ago.  She drove me crazy.

I feel bad for her.  If only she knew it was my place she was applying to (again), she never would’ve done it.  I didn’t read her resume because that would only make me feel worse.

*************************

My employee’s get paid 3 times next month instead of the usual 2.  I’m going to have to sell groupons to make up for it.  Which is pretty good timing since it’s slowing down anyway and the groupons are almost gone/expiring.

But I still worry.  Every single time I worry and every single time I pull out of it and make do somehow.  I spent about $3000 so far on opening up this new place.  If I didn’t spend that money, I wouldn’t need to sell any groupons this month or next month.  Knowing that, it makes me feel better.  I didn’t just spend $3000 though.  Add another $5000 I gave to my lawyer and then another $3000 on top of that for my 2 month journey away with Hana and we’re looking at $11,000 I spent on shit I don’t normally spend money on.

Armed with this knowledge, the business is doing A-Okay.  Even while I was MIA for 2 months not making shit, still okay.  Calm Melanie.  Be calm.

But I still worry.  I’ll need to give another $5000 to my lawyer soon.  I know it.  Then the trial at the court house.  Then the verdict.  And then….jail time for Melanie.  Debtors jail.  Do they still have that?  I think in one of those Asian countries they do.  You can get locked away for owing money.  If they can’t pay up in a set amount of time, they go to jail.

My heart pounds in anticipated agony.  Or is it that Starbucks mocha latte I drank earlier?

Today at my new office, I blasted my music and danced while vacuuming.  I was the only one who came in today in the pouring rain.  I felt hopeful.  Hopeful and proud that I wasn’t sitting around with thumb up butt waiting to lose everything because of a black man who wears a reindeer sweater in August taken some low def shitty phone pictures in a dark room of a woman’s hairy ass leg.

No, I’m doing something.  I’m preparing.  But the clocks-a-tickin’ and my hope is running out.

I’m so glad I have an asshole lawyer.  So very glad.  Thank God for creating assholes!

********************

I gotta say something to you.  I’m going to be completely honest here.  You know how I said I have a new book idea?  The one where Chris Pratt starts hearing voices in his head?

Yeah, that one.

Well, it’s all I’ve been thinking about lately.  Here, let me elucidate…..On my way to Bozrah today, an hour drive, I drove with no music and no audiobook.  Why?  Because I wanted to fantasize about my story idea.

Last night I went to sleep with no audiobook because I wanted to dream up my own story.

But here’s the kicker…..Yesterday, I got home in the afternoon and laid down with my laptop to finish writing my employee handbook.  And after I was done, I started watching the new Lost in Space on Netflix (which is surprisingly good!) and I shut it off.  I turned off Lost in Space.  Why did I turn it off?  Because I wanted to think about my book!

Now, let me make sure you understand the full picture before I stop my jabbery –

I was home in the middle of the day laying in bed staring up at the ceiling for hours.  Just freaking laying there!  Looking at nothing, doing nothing!  And I really really wanted to finish watching the Lost in Space episode because it’s actually really good but no.  I freaking laid there doing absolutely nothing!

The last time this happened to me?  Um…never.  I can honestly say it never happened to me.  The closest I can think of is when I was a kid playing with my Barbies and GI Joe’s.  I didn’t want to do anything else.  I was immersed in my own story land.  I can still remember the stories I made up – I had my GI Joe’s battle each other for the “King of the Mountain” title.  Those who won fights would get a special band looped around their ankle – a colorful rubber band that the orthodontist gave me for my braces.  .

I had so much fun.  I like to call it “autistic fun” or “aspergers paradise.”  Weirdo little kid fun.  I was devastated when I lost interest in action figures.  It left a void.

But there I was yesterday laying in bed doing what I did when I was a child.  I didn’t want to do anything else.  I was completely immersed.

I changed up the story a bit since I last told you about it.

Here is the very brick and mortar bones of my idea:

Chris Pratt is 14 when he starts hearing voices.  He’s a very dumb, but very cute, 14 year old boy.  He freaks out and tells his parents about his voices.  His parents are best friends with a couple who has a 21 year old daughter (Jennifer Lawrence) interning to become a child psychologist.  They make little Chris Pratt see the family shrink.

Yadda yadda yadda, Jennifer Lawrence realizes that Chris Pratt isn’t crazy and that his future self is in fact talking to him.  But the future self doesn’t just talk to Chris through a voice in his head, he can swap bodies with young Chris whenever he pleases and young Chris gets sent to the future to be a bed-ridden 80 year old who’s unable to speak or move his body.  But time moves slower in the past, so young Chris only has to endure old Chris’s body for a few seconds at a time.

When old Chris Pratt travels back to his boyhood, he can spend a whole week there while only a day passes in his present, ergo, postponing his inevitable death a few weeks away.

Old Chris had a stroke which allows him access to travel into his past.  But since he is traveling into his own memories, using his own brain and synopses, he starts to feel like the whole universe is a mere illusion in his mind.  None of it’s real, just his own made-up concoction.  This is one of the demons he must battle.

Also, the future Chris comes from is torn apart from war.  Acid rain pours down everyday, killing all crops and wildlife.  Radiation levels rise to the point where people can no longer go outside without wearing a hazmat suit. Chemical warfare poisoned the water…etc.

He feels as if he’s in hell and the only way to escape it is to fix the world, ergo, fixing himself, before death takes him and all is lost.

And another thing…..Chris falls in love with Jennifer Lawrence.  Obviously.  And Jennifer falls for him, but only his older self and not his kid self.  The kid self is getting tired of swapping bodies with his old, sick self, which limits the time Jennifer and Chris can spend together.

One last major plot twist is…..old Chris is dying.  His then wife, Jennifer Lawrence, has died already, years ago during the first chemical weapon strike from ChinoSyria.  He know’s the exact date when he dies.  He misses his wife.  He can’t bring himself to let go of her, or his goal of saving the world.  And since he can’t let go, at the end of his life, he swaps young Chris into his old man body a moment before he passes away.

This means that old Chris has made himself eternal and has already lived through 78 lifetimes by the time I start telling the tale.  Each time, swapping his younger self into his old self, moments before death.  He can live on forever.  As long as it takes to save everyone.

That’s pretty much the gist of it.  I don’t know why the hell I’m so obsessed with it.  I didn’t even watch the new episode of WestWorld last night.

But I like the idea of it.  To save the world, save his girl, and save his sanity from megalomaniac madness.  It’s perfect!  It has philosophy, politics, time travel, love, madness, hell and heaven on earth.  And stupid 14-year old Chris Pratt is an LOL riot, he’s so stupid.  It’s a true masterpiece.

My other book idea is also very good.  It’s a spin off of Dante’s Inferno, or the Devine Comedy.  It’s about a futuristic prison that uses time compressed virtual reality to take the convict through his 9 layers of consciousness with the intention of finding truth and logic to his evil deeds.  Each layer is more hellish than the last.  A man can spend eternity down there, hundreds of thousands of years while his incarcerated body in the real world only ages a few minutes.  If the convict doesn’t awake within 5 minutes of his incarceration, there is no hope for him.  No one awakes after 5 minutes and they usually die of heart failure shortly after.

The judicial system all agree that if a convict doesn’t rouse after 5 minutes, he is guilty beyond repair and must be put to death anyway.  The point of the prison is to find the truth, to find guilt, and find redemption.  If it can’t be found in the first few layers of consciousness, you’re pretty much screwed.

Leonardo Dicaprio was to play this part.  He ends up down in the 9th circle of hell and meets himself, but himself turns out to be God.  And God goes on to tell him that Leo is in fact the one and only God.  And that every person alive or dead that ever existed in the universe is in fact, him.  Everybody is him and he is everybody.

This story idea also involves NPC’s – virtual reality people, or robots rather.  And they become sentient and find a way to enter into a persons consciousness and control their every move while the unsuspecting victim is off playing in VR.

It’s a story about good and evil, light versus dark.  God versus the devil.  But at the same time, it’s all relative and all necessary.

I like the idea of the story.  It goes really deep.  But it doesn’t keep me hooked as much as my other idea.  My new story idea plays out like silk in my head.  It’s like liquid heroin between my ears.

Shit, it’s almost midnight and I’m still typing away.  I hate this.  Stupid mother fucking Starbucks mocha latte.  Do you understand me now how it effects me?  I ain’t joking.  Shit is real.

But when I’m ready to write my book, at least I won’t need any Adderall.  Adderall is amazing, it truly is.  But all’s I need is some coffee.  Not even coffee, a latte.

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About My Last Post….Don’t Read It

My last post is the result of drinking two Titos cocktails.

After I drank them, I walked home and as soon as I got inside, I talked non-stop to my parents for two hours straight.  Then I wrote my last post which makes absolutely no sense.

All from drinking two vodka drinks.  It was like I was high on drugs!  And this is why I stick with beer.

Anyway……I’m beat.

Sunday was Easter, my supposedly glorious day off from life.  But I spent the entire day comparing online booking software for my new business.  And when I say all day, I mean from 1:30 in the afternoon all the way up until 2:30AM.  I couldn’t stop.  And it felt like I wasn’t getting anything done.  The hours slipped by like minutes – it was a time warp.

I won’t go into the boring details.  Nobody wants to hear it and I don’t want to relive it.  I went through so much aggravation and stress already.

After all that aggravation, I’ve decided to stick with my current online booking system.  And I HATE my current online booking system.  I actually fantasized about switching it.  But it turns out that it really does offer everything I need.

I’m flummoxed by this whole thing.  I really am.

Yesterday I met with the landlord in Bozrah and signed the lease.  Then I started freaking out shortly after.  “Oaf uck what did I just do? Fuck Fuck Fuck, what am I doing?  Am I crazy?  But the business is getting sued!  I have no choice!”

Remembering that my current business is in jeopardy, made me calm down.  Opening up a new massage business is the only move I can make.  The rest of it is out of my hands.

I continued freaking out all the way home.  I went on Amazon and bought almost everything I need.  I spent over $1000 for everything.  And today I’m meeting Carmen, a women from Facebook marketplace, to sell me her brand new EarthLite massage table.

A brand new Earthlight retails for $400.  Basically, I break it down to the cushioning, the face cradle, and the construction is what you’re paying for.

Cheap table – $100

Face cradle – $100

Memory foam topper – $100

No squeaks – $100

So the pricing actually makes sense.  I end up spending $300 on cheap $100 tables just for a new face cradle and memory foam, so I’m getting a good deal by buying off the marketplace.  Just $200 bucks.

I haven’t showered or eaten anything.  I woke up an hour ago.  I’m supposed to be at Carmen’s house in an hour.  She lives in New Haven.  I’ll just wear my hat.

I went to sleep at 3:30AM this morning.  I can’t sleep until all my projects are done.  If I stop mid-way, I wake up not knowing what to do or where I left off.

Before I made a list of what to do and what I needed, I was stressed and confused as hell.  But after I made the list, I felt alright.  And after I bought all that shit last night, I’m feeling better.  Finally progress.  Moving forward.

I have to get up dammit.

I have to keep this list of To Do’s for my next business opening.  This new business I’m opening now, it’s almost not worth the trouble.  I’ll not be making much and probably end up paying out the first few months – but if I had more than one of these little satellite businesses, well, now we’re getting somewhere.

I’m thinking big.  One in each town kind of big.  I’m a maniac.  Oh God I hope my idea works.  Oh shit I really hope it works.

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The Last 3 Days

I had a nice evening planned last Friday.  One where I’d be able to unite one friend group with another, forming a new bridge of connections and loveliness.  But then Adonis called in sick and I had to take his clients.  Then he called out yesterday, forcing me to contend with 8 clients all booked with me.  And today, Sunday, I massaged for 3.5 hours and then dried sheets until 11 at night and then brought them back to work so I don’t have to do it tomorrow morning.  Why?  The damn dryer broke.

I didn’t actually massage all 8 people.  Leah, one of my employee’s, told me she’d take my last two.  I love Leah but I don’t want to get into how much I love Leah.  Just know that I do.  I fucking love Leah.

I’m so tired.  I just finished off a bottle of sake that I found in the fridge from weeks ago when I went to Sushi House with my cousin.  And I taken one melatonin and half of a Kirkland sleeping pill – the smallest (and cheapest) little crumb of a pill – it knocks me out every time.  How the hell does a pill do that?  It’s about the size of my pupil – smaller than the mole on my clients shaved head.

I massaged a guy last Saturday with the last name Gotta.  He had a mole on his shaved head and all I thought about as I massaged him was, “How does he not slice that sucker off when he shaves his head?  Does he have to go around it each time?  Has he ever nicked it and had it bleed everywhere?  Gotta lance that buddy.”

When it was time for  him to flip over, I wanted so badly to say, “Gotta flip over now.”

I have tomorrow off but it’s not exactly a day off.  Not when there are sheets that need drying.

I finally opened up a business bank account for my new place, Sound Alchemy Massage.  The woman who helped set it up, set up my last business account too.  She remembered me even though it’s been over 2 years.

I put $2000 in my new bank account.

Now is the time to start looking for an office but I can’t with the dryer being broke and all.

This post sucks, I’m going to bed.

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The Gentle Rumbling Rambles of a Babbling Blog

I’m laying on an $850 dollar PEMF mat made out of a bunch of small semi-precious stones.  27 pounds worth of semi-preciousness and 6 more pounds of technical equipment that I can’t begin to understand.

I feel like one of those rich people that buys shit just because they can.

Here’s the exact PEMF mat I bought

It’s the heating element that I don’t understand.  I can crank this baby up full blast, I think it get’s to be around 150 degree’s.  But when I place my hand on it, it only feels lukewarm to the touch.  However, when I lay my entire body on it…..holy shit that’s freaking hot!  I started to sweat my balls off and I don’t even have balls!

I felt the heat in my bones and in my blood.  My entire body covered in immense heat.  My pajama bottoms were getting damp and that never happens, not even when I work out.

I’ve been laying on this thing since I got home at 4:30 and now it’s 11:27.

Anyway, aside from this ridiculously expensive heat mat, I wanted to write about my new business again.  I want to calculate the absolute lowest amount of money I have to make a day in order to break even.

Let’s say rent is $500, internet is what?  $40?  Tracfones are crazy cheap but let’s say $60 a month for two of them.  And that’s it.  Those are my expenses.  $600 a month.  Now, how many clients do I need a day to reach $600 a month…..

600 divided by 30 days is $20 a day.  I need 3 45-minute birthday massages a day, or one 45-minute birthday massage and one 75-minute birthday massage a day, or one coupon client a day.

If I have one coupon client a day, that’s $38.75 a day X 30 days is $1162.50 minus $600 is $562.50.

When I run the numbers this way, things look a bit grim.  Shit.  It’s possible I won’t break even for at least 4 months, and instead, paying out my teeth for this new place.  I already spent over $1000 on it and it’s still the very beginning phase.

The current business I have now, we get a TON of the same people booking every month.  Today alone, we had 5 – would’ve been 6 but one cancelled.  The one that cancelled has been with me since day one at my first stink-hole office.

If I can get my new business to have these same numbers, well, I’d be stinking rich is what.

But the therapists I’m hiring aren’t me.  I hate to say it but I’m freaking special.  I really REALLY hate to say it.  And everybody would equally hate to hear me say it.  As soon as I say it, my specialness is gone and now I’m the opposite of special, but more like hated.  Hated in a special way.  Envy is probably the worst kind of hate.  It’s why wars are started!  All war!

Envy is equal to lack of power and when acting on this lack of power, destruction falls in your wake.  You may win and get to write the history books, but you’ll always be miserable because you’ll never be self-sufficient, but always dependent on someone or something.

Narcissists are the most envious people there are.  Take take need need.

I’m rambling.

Go on, hate me for thinking that I’m special.  I’d do it too.  I hate when people say that.  Mostly out of annoyance rather than envy.  Only two or three times did I feel the envy, that’s how I know about this.  I didn’t read about it, I experienced it.  Luckily the disease never latched.

When people talk highly of themselves (or even highly of their kids), it can breed envy.  Why anyone would wish to be envied is beyond my scope of understanding.  Where’s the love in that?

Part of my charm is that I act like a kid.  When I’m being myself, that’s how I act.  But not an immature kid or an emotionally inept person – I act inexperienced, but I’m happy about my inexperience because it means I can only get better and no matter how good I get, I’ll always think of myself as inexperienced.  I’ll always ask questions and respect others opinions and advice.

Come to think of it, my travel buddy, Hana, is the exact same way.  We acted like children together exploring foreign lands but somehow expertly navigated the whole trip by the seat of our pants.  It was fucking awesome.

My personality can best be described by this PEMF infrared heating mat.  I don’t emit heat, I’m cool to the touch, but my heat penetrates deeper than all those other heating mats.  It’s like I’m energy efficient or something.  I only expend myself when needed.  Perhaps this is the origin of my laziness?  I can’t be awesome if I’m not lazy?

God, I hate writing about myself like this.  I really do.  I’m not like that, you know me best, right?  It’s embarrassing is what it is.

But my point is…..I have about 40 clients still coming to my business, all of whom have known me since Massage by Melanie.  My other therapists?  Not even close.  Even after all this time.  Well, Mollie would be the closest.  Then Adonis.  But these clients don’t even get massages by me anymore, they come to my business simply because they like me.

Finding therapists that match my caliber are a rare find.  Trust me, I’ve worked at Massage Envy, known quite a few therapists in my day and very few of them match my caliber of having both skill and likability.

I know what people want.  That’s the trick.  To take myself out of the equation.  My therapist, Mollie, is an expert at this.  She’s not the smartest person I ever met, but she’s a genius at likability.  And now that you know my secret, there’s no need for the envy.

I’m freaking tired.  I’m going to finish watching Future Man on Hulu and hit the hay.

The saying “hit the hay” is literally older than mattresses.

Wow….I just googled the history of mattresses for the last 15-20 minutes.

Oh God I have problems.

 

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Filed under All about me, journal, random thoughts, work

Another Business Post

I don’t have a stupid heart condition, I have an addiction to my goddamned electric cigarette is what it is!  My heart always feels constricted at night, when I lay in bed and vape the most.  Duh Mel.  Duh.

I’m sitting at Cheshire Coffee trying to work on my new business website.  I can’t do it at home.  I tried for weeks now to do it at home but I end up playing my game all day, or going out to do other shit.

I had so much trouble getting here today.  I fell asleep around 1:30AM and woke up at 8AM to pee.  I fell right back to sleep and didn’t wake up until 12:30 in the afternoon.

And I can’t move when I do that.  I can’t get out of bed.  I vape and watch Netflix and if I start playing my game, that’s it.  The day disappears.  It’s all over.  If I’m feeling frisky, I order take-out at J Sushi.

But here I am at Cheshire Coffee.  I made it.

I need to make a To Do list for my new business.  If I don’t write one up, nothing gets done and I stay good and confused for weeks at a time in a too-much-sleep-induced coma.  Completely immobile.

So, here’s my list.  Everything I need to do in the order I need to do them:

  1. Finish my website
  2. File the articles of organization
  3. Obtain an EIN (I do not need to register for CT state tax due to no employee’s)
  4. Once I receive my papers, open a business checking account.
  5. Put $1500 in that checking account
  6. Buy surround sound stereo
  7. Buy Ipod
  8. Buy iPad and Square stand
  9. Find an office
  10. Buy two tracfones
  11. Finish website adding address and phone number, schedulicity and gift certificates
  12. Order business cards and Gift Certs
  13. Decorate the massage office
  14. Write up an employee handbook
  15. Hire independent contractors
  16. Email blast with birthday massage offer
  17. Cross your fingers and hope for the best

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It’s now the next day.  The new website is pretty much done.  It looks immaculate, better than my last one.  I want to show off my new website to the world.  I’m so freaking proud of it, I can’t stop looking at it.

Truthfully, it was hard for me to choke down what I was selling in the beginning, but the more I researched and wrote about it, I somehow converted myself into a full-on believer.  I believe in what I’m selling.  I’m a fucking fanatic.  I’m not embellishing!  I fucking love what we’re about!

I also upped my prices and I’m adding in a 45 minute massage option.  Without the 45 minute option, it’s possible that my therapists will end up with a huge gap in their schedule because a 75 minute session wouldn’t be able to fit where a 45 minute session can.

A 75 minute massage is $90, with the loyalty coupon it will be $70.  This is still a very competitive price in my area.

A 45 minute massage is $54, with the loyalty coupon it will be $44.

I mulled over these numbers a lot and they make total sense.  Mathematically, they make sense – and it’s more sensible to offer 75 minutes and 45 minutes rather than the traditional 90 and 60.  I can fit more people in this way, get more bang for my buck, and the therapists will be happy they won’t have to give grueling 90 minute massages and the 45 minutes are easy money.

And the dollar amount of both massage options is divisible by 18 – my lucky number.  Perfect I say!  I just want to shout the word FUCK.  FUCKING PERFECT!

Down the road I’m thinking about keeping the business open on Mondays – Once we have clients rebooking and enough therapists to cover the extra day, why not stay open on Mondays?  I literally lose nothing.  The only reason to stay closed on Monday now is because we don’t have enough clients or therapists to fill a full 7 day work week.

But once we do have enough…..let’s run the numbers again.  This time, adding in the extra day and calculating the new price increase.

We can fit 6 75-minutes massages in one day.  If those 6 clients pay the coupon price of $70, the therapist gets $31.25 while I get $38.75.  I just want to point out that what I make is almost even with what the therapist makes.  This is how it should be at all massage businesses.

Okay, so $38.75 X 6 =$232.50 a day.

$232.50 X 7 days a week = $1627.50 a week

$1627.50 X 4 weeks a month = $6510 a month.

I mean holy fucking crap, right?  But that’s the absolute most I can make.  And in truth, I’m not going to hit anywhere near those kinds of numbers.  It’s next to impossible.

Plus I have the birthday massages to contend with…..

Let’s run the numbers if all I sell are 45 minute birthday massages…..

They take up an hour time slot and there are 12 hours in one work day.  45 minute birthday massages cost a mere $27.  $18.75 of that goes to the therapist, so that leaves me with $8.25.

$8.25 X 12 = $99 a day

$99 X 7 days a week = $693 a week

$693 X 4 weeks a month = $2772 a month

I tell you what, $2772 a month is a whole bunch of money.  Minus $500 for rent, that’s still $2272 a month.

I’m telling you, I’m a completely rational, logical person (most of the time) and according to me, no matter how I slice it, I still come up on top.  Now lets figure in if I had 6 of these businesses….beep boop beep…..$2272 X 6 = $13,632!

Shit ballz that’s a lot.

*******************************

I just got home from my pool league.  It’s my third week playing and it’s not the hassle I thought it would be.  I’m actually quite enjoying it.  Tonight I played my buddy, Mike, whom I haven’t seen in years.  It’s a complete coincidence that I played him.  I didn’t even know he played.

But I’ll leave my pool league adventures for another post.  For now I want to run the numbers again.  Boring, I know, but I’m obsessed.

I had a few beers……I’m watching season 3 of “The Path” on Netflix.  It’s a good show.  They base their entire religion off the teachings of ayahuasca but they don’t come right out and say it.  But I know.

Anyway, let’s project my income if I have only one birthday massage and one coupon massage a day.  Now, this projected income would be the absolute LOWEST it can go.  At no time, even in the beginning, would there be only 2 clients a day.  But let’s just see what it would look like….

One 45 minute birthday massage a day would be $8.25 and one 75 minute coupon massage would be $38.75.  That equals out to be $47 a day.

$47 X 7 = $329 a week

$329 X 4 weeks a month = $1316 a month.  Minus $500 for rent leaves me with $816 a month.

At no point in my calculations does this sound like a bad idea.  Do you see what I’m seeing?  Are we seeing the same thing?  Anyone who thinks this is a bad idea, or that I’m greedy or blinded by false optimism – they’re obviously not seeing what I’m seeing.

This is a very real, very doable business.  And all parties involved are happy.  Client is happy – they’re paying a competitive price for a service they can’t find anywhere else (this massage is very unique), my therapists will be happy because they can work whenever they want and not have to give the same monotonous massage 6 clients a day with little pay.  And I’ll be happy because, well, look at the numbers.

Seriously, every way I slice it, it’s the most perfect layout.  In all ways, perfect.

Shit, I’m tired.  I’m going to sleep very well tonight.  Only 12 more minutes of “The Path” and it’s lights out for me.

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Sound Alchemy

That’s the name of my new business, Sound Alchemy.  Sounds cool, right?

There’s a place in Wallingford that sells all organic vegan food called Pure Alchemy and that’s where I got the idea from.  Pure Alchemy sounds like a cafe I’d like to own but they beat me to the punch.

I always loved the word Alchemy.

I’ll be incorporating sound therapy into my massage sessions.  There’s quite a big following for it but nobody here in CT practices it.

I ordered my chakra tuning forks and an 8 inch singing bowl from Amazon.  I set up my new business website and email address.

When I was in massage school my friend, Matt, brought in his singing bowls.  He had us lay down with our eyes closed and the lights off and he played them for us.

Now, I’m a very skeptical person.  I don’t believe in new-age stuff like crystal healing, reiki, psychics..etc.  It all screams bullshit to my ears.  But when I was laying down listening to Matt play those bowls, my whole body felt it.  That’s all I know.  Is that I felt it and I liked it.

I don’t have to believe in chakra balancing or vibrational healing frequencies in order to enjoy it.  My brain felt drugged and my body limp – it was awesome and I didn’t want him to stop.

I still think it’s bullshit, but that doesn’t matter.

Sound Alchemy.  Oh god it’s so perfect!  I’m deeply in love with the name.  I even acquired a legit .com address and not one of those pansy-ass .net’s or .org’s.  No, I’m a  dot com’er baby.  My new business email is even svelte.

Everything is fitting so perfectly in order like it already exists in the world just for me.  I’m merely reliving the memories of putting it all together.  It’s already there.

I’m not even thinking that hard.  I’m actually really hungover today.

My website domain is set up, but I still need to write it up and add pictures.  I went with a free WordPress site and the default set-up they have is perfect.  It looks polished and professional.  I don’t need to do a damn thing with it except write in the spaces they tell me to write in.

I’ll do that tomorrow.  Maybe at Cheshire Coffee where I won’t be distracted with Netflix and games.

I’ll need to make some big purchases soon if I want to get this place up and running quickly.

What I need:

Surround sound stereo

iPod

Massage table, fleece, memory foam, face cradle

Cabinet (I already have an extra one I don’t use at work)

Chair for client

Stool for therapist

Small desk

iPad and Square swiper iPad stand

2 Samsung tracfones

Solfeggio wind chimes

Floor fan

Tapestries and pier one art deco

Safe with a slot for envelopes

Foot scrub and dispenser bottle

A bench for storage

Pillows for pregnancy massage

I may or may not need a room divider

And my biggest purchase; a PEMF mat.

PEMF stands for Pulsed Electromagnetic Field Therapy.  It sounds like more new-age bullshit to me, but Doctor Oz gave it street cred and a lot of people seem to like it.

The mat costs $1000.  Is it worth it?  I highly doubt it.  It can very well be a scam.  A new-age snake oil.   But supposedly it’s what they use on race horses, olympic athletes, and NASA uses it in space so the astronauts don’t get sick.

It’s FDA approved and all the devices out there got really good reviews.  I searched for it on the skeptic and scam forums and there were more people praising it than there were skeptics bashing it.

So……I want one.  I want one right now.  And I want my Mother to test it out.  She’d know better than anyone if the damn thing actually works.

$1000 freaking dollars.  Hot damn.  Hot damn it to shit hell fuck.

But it’s another reason for people to choose Sound Alchemy rather than the other guy.  We got the good shit man.  Crap you want to try but can’t buy.

Anyway, I’m hungry.  It’s 11PM, my parents are at the casino, I’m home alone watching The Colony on Netflix.  I haven’t played my game in two days.

Maybe I’m not addicted to my game after all?  Some days I feel the need to play it.  I can’t help myself and I need it.  But other days I’m fine and only play it to pass the time when I have nothing to do.

Or maybe my new addiction is getting this new business up and running?  I don’t know.

I really want this PEMF mat dammit.  I need more money.

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My New Business Plan. Don’t read it, it’s pretty boring

I wrote out a business plan when I first opened up shop.  I somehow accomplished all the phases of my business plan after years of struggle.  I did everything that I set out to do.  And now here I am with a well maintained business that needs little support from me.

But I might lose it all.  Every scrap I slaved away for, gone.  All because of a few photo’s.

But I been through the depression already.  I’ve been through several of them.  Just when I think I’m out of it, I slip right back in like an old scruffy sock with a hole in its toe.

The one thing that gets me out of depression is to have a PLAN.

P:  Perpetually

L:  Learning

A:  Alternate

N:  New ways to make money

The hardest thing about depression (I’m talking about the type of depression brought on by circumstance) is having to accept change.  It’s the hardest thing.  You’re depressed because something in your life that you rely on, is no longer there.  But I don’t like to use the word “loss”.  I like the word “change” better.

I hate the word loss because nothing can replace a “loss”.  The thing is gone, can’t be replaced.  Your life will suck now.  But if you use the word “change”, you’re not suffering any loss with change.  Things are changing and that’s all.  But you can only change if you have something to change in to.

In other words, you need a backup plan.

The only way out of depression is to accept change.  There’s no other way.  Don’t bother with hope. Hope leads to dwelling and anyone who’s been depressed before can tell you that dwelling is the root of all evil.  You have to let it go.

I accepted the fact that I might lose my business.  I accepted it a long time ago, but depression still hit me a few times after the fact.  I may have accepted the loss, but I didn’t have a plan to fall back on when shit hit the fan.

I was stuck with having that phrase “What am I going to do?” looping in my head.

Luckily, I found my back-up plan.  I have a new comprehensive business plan all laid out and get this, if this plan actually works, I’ll make more money than I do now.  Not only will I make more money, but there will be less stress and less over-all work on my part.

It’s feasible, it’s rational, it’s irrefutable.  A part of me wants to completely make the switch over to my new plan and sell my current business – that’s how good this plan is.

My biggest hurdle right now is funding.  First I need to pay off that $5,000 I gave to my lawer yesterday.  The question is, how much time do I have?  Do I have time to pay off that $5,000 and then save up for the new biz?  Or will I lose the business before then?

I have other worries too….like my clients.  The one’s who bought gift certificates.  I’m planning on my brothers help for that.  His spa will accept my gift certificates and I’ll pay his therapists at cost to massage those clients.

And as for my employee’s, if they want to stick with me, I’ll hire them at my new place.  Or my brother will hire them.  Either way, I’ll take care of them.  Even my office manager will still have a job.

But my absolute big-time worries are my Groupon customers.  You see, in order for me to pay back that $5000 I spent on my lawyer, I need to sell Groupons.  The question is, will I lose the business before or after all those Groupons expire?  And since Groupon is such a big part of our business, I can’t burn bridges with these people.  I can’t lose their trust.

Plus, bankrupting a business is no cheap task.  Luckily my business insurance will cover a bankruptcy lawyer, but I’ll need to have other income coming in not associated with the bankrupted business.  So I can continue paying my therapists and the rest of my bills for at least a month.  Money going out, nothing coming in.

The best way to avoid all these problems is to open my new business as soon as possible.  That’s the only way.

What’s my new business?  I’m going to rent one office – just one room in an office building and hire independent contractors to massage clients.

This is where I started out, just me in a little ol’ office massaging people, but this time around will be much different.

The massage I’ll be offering will be different.  It’ll be like no other massage seen here in Connecticut.  The fist of its kind; SOUND THERAPY MASSAGE

I have the logistics of it.  I researched what I need.  Sound bowls and tuning forks, and Amazon sells special wind chimes called Sacred Solfeggio that I’ll implement somehow.  I may even look into acquiring a PEMF mat for added effect.

Each massage will be 75 minutes long and include a foot scrub.  And Hana introduced me to a disposable eye mask that smells like lavender and heats up when exposed to air.  I bought 90 of them for a dollar each.  I’m trying not to use them on myself.  They are fantastic!

Each massage will be 75 minutes long.  No more, no less, and will include sound therapy and the foot scrub and eye mask all for $90.  It sounds expensive, but nobody pays full price for anything these days.  If clients book once a month with us, they’ll save $25 per session which brings the price down to $65 – the price of a massage envy membership.

My independent contractors get paid $25 an hour, so for $75 minutes that’s $31.25 a massage.  $65 – $31.25 = $33.75 for me.

I can fit 6 clients in a day.  From 9am to 8pm, that’s 12 hours.  Each client will need a 90-minute time slot, so 6 clients.  6 X $33.75 = $202.5 per day.  $202.5 X 6 days a week = $1215 X 4 weeks a month is $4860.

But that’s the cap unless you count gift certificate sales.  The most money I can possibly make is $4860 in one month – the absolute most.  But I’ll more likely make $1000.

I have roughly 5,000 emails in my database.  Each of those people get an automatic email sent to them on their birthday for a half off massage.  We are basically the birthday massage clinic – we get tons of them.  $90 / 2 = $45 – $31.25 = $13.75 for me.  $13.75 X 6 (clients) = $82.50 X 6 (days) = $495 X 4 (weeks) = $1980 a month.

$1980 would be a really good month.  But then lets factor in Groupon clients.  I may or may not utilize their service.  I do have over 5,000 emails in my database and with such limited space (we’re only going to have one room and one therapist at a time), I might not need Groupon at all.  Maybe in the beginning, but we’ll see.  I’ll break even with Groupon.  Maybe I can finagle a couple extra dollars from them, but otherwise I’ll just about be breaking even.

So that brings my total down to about $1000 a month and that’s if I’m lucky.  Take $500 for rent, and I’m left with $500 when all said and done.

Once the business is stabilized, I project my net income to be roughly $1500 a month.

But it doesn’t end there……

I’ll have multiple locations!  Now that’s when things get interesting.  What if I had 6 locations?  All making the barest net income of $500 a month?  $500 X 6 = $3,000 a month for Melanie.

As for the little bills…..

The therapists will be in charge of linen and lotion.  They buy that shit, not me.  They wash that shit too.  If they have 3 clients a day, that’s $93.75 and if they all leave $10 each, that’s $123.75 a day X 6 days a week, $742.50 a week.  That’s great money for a job they can come and go as they please and make their own hours.

I’ll use Google voice and buy a tracfone for the business.  One phone number for multiple devices all done through one app.  I tried it today and it works perfectly.  I can answer all the calls remotely even while the therapists still have access to the same number and can make calls with the tracfone.

I’ll buy an iPad and use the Square swiper for payments.  It’s the poor mans POS system and it looks damn sharp.

Schedulicity for online booking and payments.  It’ll be $35 a month for the price of Schedulicity and its compatible with Square.

Yes….I have it all mapped out.  All of it.

As for the independent contractors, I can’t tell them when to work.  I can’t legally tell them what their schedule should be.  So I’m leaving it as first come first serve.  Whoever puts hours in first, gets those hours.  I’ll hire more independent contractors if I see gaps in the schedule but that means everyone has to compete with each other to see who can nab the hours fastest.

I’ll pay my therapists weekly using my Bank of America app that lets me transfer money to friends.  Or I’ll use a different app, I don’t know.  I haven’t figured that one out yet.

Monday we’ll be closed.  Mondays will be the day of the week I go to work.  I can picture myself driving to all 6 locations in one day just picking up money as I go.  Like picking flowers in a green pasture.  I’ll pick up money and client intake forms so I can plug in their email addresses and expand my reach further.

Money Monday is what I’ll call it.  Happy Money Monday day.  And even if I do only make $3000 a month, that’s not a bad living.

There, I told you all my secrets.  If you tried to do it yourself, it probably wouldn’t work unless you’re willing to massage a few of those people yourself.  But I have those 5,000 emails (and birthdays) so I have a bit of a leg up.

Now I just need to calculate how much money I need in order to start it all up….

2018 will be the start of something beautiful.  I know it.  I’m only 12 days into it and I’m already feeling good about this year.

 

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Demolition Deposition

I fucking hate winter.

I’m nearly 38 years old and each time winter rolls around, it catches me off-guard like a punch to the gut.

Me thinking – “How did I forget how much I hated winter?”

During the warmer months, I feel invincible.  I never get cold, I never get hungry or tired.  Not only do I not get cold, hungry or tired, but it’s as though those things are beneath me and I will NEVER get cold, hungry or tired ever again.  My disposition is too strong and healthy.  I beat all the odds.

But then winter lumbers in like a 400 pound cranky old monstrosity and my body crumples like a heap of laundry under my blankets.  I wait for the sweet release of death.

This winter is not a mild one.  There’s snow and there’s single digits.  It’s like no other winter that came before it.  It reminds me of the time I went to Alaska in February and lost my gloves.

I swear a lot in my head.  It’s always “eff this” and “eff that”, “mother fucking shit fuck”…etc.  But it’s always in my head.  I’m too respectful to swear out in public.  But come wintertime, guess what?  The fuck in me comes out where I normally wouldn’t give one.

*********************

It’s been years since my business suffered by the hands of one twisted perverted therapist.  It’s taken me that long to get over it.  But it’s back.  The worry is back.

My lawyer is hard at work undergoing the deposition hearings with the three victims of the lawsuit and holy shit.  Holy mother of pigs it’s brutal.

I know that depositions are meant to clarify facts, to get them straight with an unbiased account of what happened.  But I didn’t know how grueling they are.

My lawyer, god bless him, is one of those lawyers you can’t help but to hate.  A brutal man with no compassion or mercy.  An unfeeling vermin who cares nothing for others.

And he’s on my side!!  Yay for me!  I’m being serious.

He’s interrogated one of the 3 victims so far.

In my opinion (and I do value my opinions as being both logical and reasonable), the deposition itself is a more traumatic experience than the actual incident I’m being sued for.  I shit-you-not.  I’m scared of getting doubly-sued for being the harbinger of a traumatic deposition!

In case you forgot, I’m being sued for one of my former employee’s taking pictures of his clients while he massaged them.  He never touched them inappropriately or shared the photos online.  He just taken pictures.  I’m not downplaying it, I know it’s a vile thing he did, but it could’ve been worse.  Much worse.

My lawyer sent me the transcript of the first deposition.  It was done by a court reporter on one of those little keyboard machines.  Three hours worth of personal information – very personal information.  I know more about this woman than I do about anybody.

She’s a doctor here in town (I won’t tell you a doctor of what), her last name is infamously known from it being plastered on big ass signboards littered up and down the main road during voting season.  Her family is in politics.  And now I have dirt on her.

Her ex-husband emotionally abused her, she’s on anti-anxiety meds, she got a DUI, had a coke and drinking problem, spent 3 months at a rehab center down in Florida…..etc.

My lawyer – “Did you use cocaine during the day?”

Her – “Sometimes.”

My lawyer – “Did you inform your patients when you were under the influence of cocaine?”

Her – “No I did not.”

My lawyer – “Did you inform the state licensing board of your addiction to cocaine?”

Her – “No I did not.”

It was a full three hours of invasive questions such as this.  The type you don’t want getting out in public.

Her – “Do I have to answer these questions?”

Lawyer – “Yes you do.”

I now know what a “leading” question means.   It leads to more questions that you’re forced to answer truthfully due to weaving a trap for yourself by your previous answers.  Only one answer can now fit and it’s the picture he’s painting, not yours.  All done in the guise of finding the “facts”.  Black and stupid fucking white.  You tie your own noose sort of speak.  Cognitive dissonance won’t help you here.

Reading that deposition was like watching a master sculptor at his best.  Like listening to Beethoven’s symphony No. 9 for the first time.  Live in concert.  In Vienna.

My lawyer covered everything!  All possible angles she could get me for, he kept digging to find the real answers as to why she installed a surveillance camera at her house, why she’s taking anxiety meds, why she see’s a therapist….etc.  Her life was fucked up before the incident is what he was getting at and he accomplished it.  Bravo.  You da man.

The victim is a young, smart professional and figured out what my lawyer was doing half-way through the process.  The heated questions and being under oath caused her to fluster but once she figured it out, she started answering more carefully.

But my lawyer is smarter than she is.

Lawyer – “So we’re changing answers now?  Any more answers you want to change?”

My lawyer is a sociopathic genius, very quick thinking, leaves no holes or gaps in his understanding of things.  Nobody stands a chance against him.  I think I’m in love with him.  I’m so impressed and I’m NEVER impressed with anyone.

I hit the jackpot with this guy.  He has a booming voice and a commanding presence.  I see no weakness in his confidence.

As for her lawyer, the guy just sat there like a doofus.

Granted, I wasn’t there (fuck that shit), but I could picture his face all mild mannered with his republican hairdo flopped to one side.  He kept saying “I object”,  like they do in the movies.  But my lawyer completely ignored him which I found funny.  I actually laughed out loud when I read it.

Yes I’m sadistic and yes these are horrible circumstances and I feel bad for what happened, but she’s the one coming after me, you know?  For something that I could not prevent.  It’s like if one of my employees got caught stealing from the till and I’m the one held responsible for their actions.  I’m the one who gets blamed.  Like I wanted them to steal from me, you know?  It’s ludicrous!

The only words her lawyer uttered throughout the whole 3 hour ordeal was, I object.  He said it 3 or 4 times.   And each time he said it, my lawyer went Erin Brockovich on his ass.

And that’s not the funny part!  The funny part is, when I was fumbling around looking for representation, her lawyer was the first guy I turned to.  He was supposed to be MY lawyer.  But even before I gave him my name, he told me he’s already representing one of the plaintiffs.

It’s a small town.  Everybody who’s anyone knows what happened.  It was plastered all over the news and in the paper.  The guy knew who I was before I barely said two words.

Me – “So, what do I do?  Do you recommend anyone?”

Which is a really stupid question, I know, but I was annoyed and wanted to annoy him.

Her lawyer – “I suggest you speak with your insurance company and they’ll provide you with a lawyer.”

Me – “Okay, I’ll try that.”

He was actually really nice.  He sounded sympathetic over the phone.  A sweet guy.

I bet he’s wishing now that he’d recommended someone to me other than my insurance company.

When I first met my lawyer during the free consultation, I felt like I was the one being interrogated.  I felt him snaking his way into my psyche and the first thing that popped into my head was, “I need to hire this guy.”

You do NOT want a nice lawyer.  Nice lawyers suck.

If you want to dominate someone emotionally and intellectually, you have to have more confidence than the other guy.  That’s all it is.  And this guy’s got a bunch of it.

And you have to look at the person like they’re either stupid or crazy.  Not just look, but believe they are stupid/crazy.  You have to feel it and actually see it and just by looking to visually see their stupidity (weakness), you’ll find it every time.  No matter how smart the guy is, you’ll find it.  The more confidence and belief you have in yourself, the more you’re able to break a person.  But you can find other things too.  Anything you want, really.  If you look hard enough.

Portrait artists do this but they call it “finding their humanity”.  It’s when they finally “see” a person for who they really are.  Even for a glimpse.

It’s a form of weakness showing through.  A way for others to sneak in while a little of themselves sneak out.  A two-way street, an opening.  It’s usually the heavily guarded people who break while the open people bend in the breeze.

Weakness happens to be strength.  That’s something most people don’t know.  If you’re open all the time, you sorta get immune to shit.  Like getting inoculated before the virus strikes.  The virus is already in you so you have no choice but to toughen up and either brush it off or ride it out.

I know this from experience.  The most open people I’ve met in the world are also the strongest people I’ve ever met.  That can’t be a coincidence.

I shouldn’t say strong, but resilient.  They’re too sensitive for me to use the word “strong”.

When I say strong, what I really mean is intelligent.  But not book intelligence or IQ.  It’s more like…….hmmm…..it’s like they know themselves and are fully present.  Being resilient only comes with being intelligent.  So, open people are more often the smartest people that I know.

And I believe that form of intelligence is brought on by introspection.  A hard honest look at themselves.  But it’s impossible to know who they are if they don’t know others first.  They’re forced into seeing people and understanding them in order to understand themselves.

I suppose they are more empathic than the rest.  Empathy doesn’t always equate to intelligence though.  Think about dogs.  They can be empathetic if you look hard enough.  Who’s to say what’s real?

I wish I was more open.  Blog Melanie is a lot different from real life Melanie.  I can break.  I’ve been broken before.  But hot damn I’m a resilient mother fucker.

When I was walking across Spain, I would listen to podcasts.  I listened to this one episode in particular that talked about how our expectations effect others.

They experimented on mice and people.  Hold on a sec, let me find the podcast…..it’s a really good one.

Okay I found it.  The Podcast is an NPR show called Invisbilia and the episode I’m referring to is “How to become Batman”.

The scientists experimented on two groups of mice.  They labeled one group “smart mice” and the other group “dumb mice”.

The scientists explained to the participants that each mouse undergone an IQ test that proved them to be either smart or dumb.  The participants understood this and didn’t question it.  They understood that one group of mice was dumb and the other, smart.

Both groups of mice had exactly the same IQ.  They’re freaking mice!

The participants watched the smart mice navigate a maze.  The scientists explained to the participants that these mice are expert navigators that always finish the maze quickly.

And sure enough, each mouse found the cheese very quick.  Every single one of them.

Then they preformed the same experiment with the dumb mice.  Once again, the scientists told the participants to expect these mice not to preform as well.

And surprisingly enough, that’s just what happened.  With every single mouse in the dumb group of mice.  They all sucked at the maze.

This shocked everyone, obviously.  How can this be?  Well, yada yada, the scientists broke it down into pheromones.  Our thoughts, aka expectations in this case, are chemically processed in the brain which transmutes hormones in our bloodstream which in turn discharges a chemical blueprint out through the pores of our skin.

We smell our expectations before we can make our own.

Think about it…..The quickest way to the brain is through the nose and the nose is the back door of your subconscious.  You don’t even know it’s happening.  You can take on someone else’s beliefs and not have any idea or recollection of it happening.

Middle-aged mom – “How the HELL did I become my Mother?!!”

But it doesn’t work on everybody.  Like for instance, if you walk into a room full of cult fanatics that are about to drink the kool aid, you’ll most likely “smell something fishy”.

Maybe, now just hear me out, maybe some of us can smell crazy?

When we smell a potent belief seeping heavily out a persons wet spots, instead of taking on that person’s belief, we instead interpret them as crazy?  So in a way, there are some people in the world who are immune to flocking with the sheep because they subconsciously interpret the “belief” pheromone as “crazy”.

Am I crazy?  I sound it.  Crazy is what crazy do.

Now, I have to be completely honest with you here.  I haven’t listened to this particular Podcast since the Camino and I may have gotten it confused with another episode called Fearless which is also an Invisbilia episode.  I listened to Fearless before the camino and I think I combined the two episodes together.  Maybe mice don’t smell pheromones, but snakes smell fear?  Ugh, I forgot dammit.

I should’ve blogged about it after I listened to it.  I remember most things I write about.

Listen to both episodes, they’re really good.  Everyone with an iPhone has the Podcast app preinstalled already so it’s easy to listen to them.

I love Podcasts…..I want to walk across Spain again just for the Podcasts.  I’m being serious.  I want to walk across Spain for a 3rd time this April.  It’s not going to happen though.  I’m sort of in deep shit with this lawsuit.  I’m going to have to pay my lawyer another $5,000 soon.

Anyway, what I was trying to say for this whole entire post is that my lawyer is like one of those participants watching all the dumb mice fumble through a maze.

How does he do that?  How does he fluster people enough to have them spill everything?  It’s like that magic trick, the one that mentalists do.  The best lawyers are mentalists.

I better stop writing or I’ll get insomnia.

 

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Keep it small, keep it all

I’m back to enjoying Netflix and living my small quiet life again.  All it took was a few days at work massaging people to make me want to crawl back into my den away from reality.  I’m always tired here.  I just want to sleep.

I want to see the sunset again the way it’s supposed to be seen.  I don’t want to lose anymore time.  I’ve lost enough time as it is.

It feels like I’ve spent most of my life in repair mode.  Recovery mode.

I’m not shaping my life, my life is already there submerged in a cement block and I’m merely chiseling away at the surrounding debris.  I chisel a little bit here and there and than recover from the exertion.  Chisel, recover, chisel, recover.  Sometimes I recover so much that I end up repairing the parts I already chiseled off.  Like, wait a minute….I still need this part here or everything will fall apart.  I need my support pieces.

Working is my number one support piece.  I need to make one last valiant effort before I can let it all go.  For real this time, not just for two months.

I’m going to pay off the $3,000 of debt I made for myself by January 5th.  After that, I’ll be ready to start my next business phase – to open another massage clinic.

I have all the details already worked out in my head.  Just one room in a quiet location that focuses on sound therapy.  Each massage will be 75 minutes long and I’ll hire independent contractors only.  “Keep it small, keep it all” as my brother once told me (yesterday….he told me this yesterday).

And that might do the trick.  My little island off the main land.  My missing support piece.  I’m uncovering my support piece, chiseling the surrounding debris.  It’s already there.  You can’t float without water and money is my water.

Shit I’m tired.

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I WANT TO MOVE OUT!!

For the sole purpose of not having to live in squalor.

I’m a huge fan of feng shui.  HUGE.  But since my brother took over the downstairs, it looks like we live at an indoor flea market.

I stepped on something sharp earlier and bled all over the linoleum, couldn’t find what stabbed me amongst the debris.

The cheapest condo I could find in Cheshire is $89,000, I’ll need a $18,000 for the down payment.  But there’s a much nicer condo for $135,000 in which case I’ll need $30,000.

I have almost $2,000 saved in cold hard cash hidden in my bedroom, but I’m using that for when I go bankrupt from that stinkin’ lawsuit against my business.

And I’m still $12,500 in debt.

Which means I’m fucked.

But get this……just listen……I’m starting to have free time again.  Lots of free time!  The business can stand on it’s own legs without me there.  My mind is already spinning with new business idea’s.

I cleaned my car and tidied up my bedroom today – I only clean when my brain has free space, when I’m not overly worked or stressed.  I clean when I’m happy.  That’s what brought on my wanting to move out.  A nice clean slate with ample room for all my shit.

But until then, I need $30,000 for a downpayment.

It’ll take forever for my business to come up with that kind of money and I don’t have forever, not anymore.  I’m already 30 fucking 7 years old!

When I make up my mind to do something – it’s urgent.  Always urgent.

As for my massage business, we’re rated 5 out of 5 stars on Groupon from of over 500 votes.  We are creme de la creme, cream of the crop, A number one, KING OF THE HILLLLLLL.

And since I hired a receptionist, I feel she ties everything together.  She takes pictures and tapes them up in the break area along with notes and reminders.  I smile whenever I see one.  It’s like, she really loves it there.  She gets it.

I feel successful, kinda sorta.  In my own unique way.  But I’ll never feel it fully until I own my own place.  Even if it’s a shitty place, I don’t care.

May 1st is Monday, my first official day off the work schedule.  But I still have two clients that day…..I know, I know.  I have trouble saying no to people.  And then I have one on Thursday and another on Saturday.  And then that’s it.

But if I’m serious about this condo thing, I might need to put myself back on the schedule and sell a shit ton of those signature couple’s massages again.  If I sell 100 of them a month for 5 months, I can afford the downpayment for the condo in about 5 to 6 months.

I don’t know…..we’ll see.  First I want to see how much I make without selling Groupons.  100 a month is a lot and would definitely require my hands.

Everything is such a process.  A long lengthy process.

Today I woke up at 9:00, went to work for one client, came home and napped while listening to my audiobook for almost 3 hours, woke up and ate grilled cheese and tomato soup and then finished the day with Netflix.  Well, technically I’m finishing it off with my blog.  I can’t believe it’s 1:00AM already.  I’m not even tired.

One of my therapists cut her thumb open and needed stitches so I’m taking her clients tomorrow which is fine, it’s extra money towards my debt.  Besides, I ain’t got shit to do.

I can handle being on-call for when therapists call out.  “It’s extra playing money”  is how I see it.  I’ll be making at least $100.  But having to do it every day?  No sir.

This is a good set-up.  A win win really.  But that 30 grand…..so far out of reach.

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