I sold my soul these past few months (or years, who’s keeping track?) to accomplish something in order to accomplish something completely unrelated. Goals that have nothing to do with massaging anybody.
You know what I hate the most? Patience and conformity. And that’s exactly what I’m doing each time I have to give a massage. It’s like each massage is a therapy session in anger management and eating my humble pie.
I just started reading a book, it’s called “Presence” by Amy Cuddy and I HIGHLY recommend it. It’s not one of those wishy washy metaphysical books about the law of attraction or creative visualization, this book talks more about the science behind what makes us tick.
There’s so many awesome things in this book, all of them tried and tested on actual human volunteers to back up these theories.
One of them for instance, is why do we have expressions? But digging deeper than that, the stuff that expert lie detectors look for, are minute nano-expressions that give away a persons true intentions and feelings. Our subconscious mind picks up on these escaped “nano” expressions and when we witness them, although we witness them subconsciously, we intuitively feel that person’s emotion due to our mirror neurons mimicking that same expression on our own face (even without our knowledge). We wouldn’t feel their true intention if we didn’t also share that same expression the same moment the offender leaked it.
They tested this with people who just had botox injections. Their faces were paralyzed and thus didn’t allow for these inconceivable micro expressions to be mimicked and because they couldn’t mimic, they were unable to pick up the true feelings and intent of the person in question. Their intuition escaped them. But it’s not intuition at all, it’s the fact that we can subliminally mimic other people’s expressions. It’s not about trusting our “gut”, although it may feel that way, but it’s actual science at play behind the curtain.
I’m some-what manipulative at times, but I use this harmless evil for good. When clients balk about this past election, no matter who they voted for, I mimicked their expression, understood exactly where they were coming from and agreed with them. I did this for both Hilary and Trump fans. No hair was raised on the back of anyones neck and fangs didn’t show, I taken the slick way out.
“There’s no way he’ll win, what kind of America will allow that?” Or, “Trump at least tells it like it is, that’s for sure. He wants to give America back to the people.”
It’s all BS, Hillary was better suited for the job, anyone could see that just by watching the debates. But she was lacking likability and trustworthiness which was another awesome thing Amy talked about it her book, Presence.
As it turns out, according to numerous studies, there are two types of people in the world. There are trustworthy people and then there are competent people. We are unable to process a person in existence being both trustworthy and competent. They contradict each other.
(This fits so well into the election this year).
The thing is, a competent person is less liked by the majority due to their ability to manipulate. They might be trustworthy, but we don’t know for sure due to their high intelligence and manipulation skills.
For instance, it’s like saying, “How can you be so sure of that? How can you pull that off? What if you’re just manipulating us?”
Whereas, a more likable person, a more trustworthy person, one who doesn’t hide nano-expressions, doesn’t hide anything, will spout his hopes, dreams and dislikes – at times, incoherently, but we trust him because of his fallibility. His lack of intelligence to manipulate and schmooze. Even if it means being an ignorant asshole.
The book explains it a hell lot better that I can.
And given a choice on whether to be competent or trustworthy, mostly everybody picks competence. But even the highest achievers at MIT end up in menial positions due to their lack of social skills. Competence equals untrustworthiness. It equals lack of control to the little guys. How can we control anything if we don’t know what’s really going on?
The fear of looking foolish kills personality and humility, trust is the only thing that matters.
But here is my TRUE reaction when watching the debate last Tuesday: The setting? At my friend Jill’s house with her Mother and her boyfriend all chain smoking, biting their nails freaking out that Hillary might lose. Me? I was secretly excited for one reason and one reason only; this is going to be a damn entertaining 4 years ahead of us.
Me thinking: If this guy wins, ANYTHING can happen. It’s a Simpsons episode, it’s not real. Life is truly a dream of comical insane circumstances where all and anything you dream up is possible.
Hillary would’ve been just another boring president, making nice and calling the safest rational shots – the most coherent shots relevant to our current political views, but with Trump, he’s a loose cannon and knows shit about diplomacy.
Oh god there’s so much I want to write about but my brother gave me a Xanax and damn, my whole body is asleep except for my fingertips typing.
I hired a bunch of new therapists and my sick therapist is back taking clients, so my schedule has freed up a great deal. I wish I can write about that. I want to write about how awesome my day was today.
But I’m physically incapable.
Let me just write real quick about what else this books says; being present, being calm and level-headed, has to do with being an observer of the world. The calmest, most clear thinkers view others and not themselves when conversing. They rarely say “I” or “me”, it’s always about the person they are interacting with. It’s the anxious, depressed people who transfix and focus on themselves, giving little room for anything else. Basically the selfish and fearful.
In my opinion, it’s the people who don’t know how to love. (I’ll possibly write a post about that).
I already knew this! I learned this trick way back and yes, I learned it because I broke down my own anxiety and self-conscious foibles into understanding that it’s a selfish derivative. Only made real in my own mind. The answer is out, not in.
She also stated that trauma is caused by a lost battle. I recently learned this one, but I learned it before reading her take on it. Of course she can back up her words with fancy studies, interviewing and testing volunteers and the like, whereas I just philosophized. Poorly at that, but still….
I love reading books like this. Books that I’m like, “yes exactly!” It makes me feel less alone out there. That others spend just as much time, if not more, on delving into the science behind the mind. Stuff that’s not found in books yet.
Oh god I have to sleep….
I wanted to write about the Banach-Terski paradox amongst other things, it’ll have to wait. Oh how I miss writing….