Monthly Archives: June 2018

Change of Plans

Today is another day of no work.  My dog woke me up from my sleep coma which consisted of 9 and a half hours of sleep this time.  I had pretty pleasant dreams.

What will bring me out of bed today?  Let me check the weather…it says rain at 3:00.  I want to go for a walk.  Sleeping Giant might still be closed though from the big hurricane we had a few weeks ago.

What to do what to do…

I got my ukulele.  I guess I can play that.

There’s a ton of new movies on Netflix I can watch and there’s a new season of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmitt – don’t ask me how but that show makes me laugh hysterically.

I owe over $1700 in taxes this month.  How the hell did that happen?!  It’s a good thing I didn’t buy that electric bicycle or I’d be freaking out about now.

My new business in Bozrah will take a while until it starts getting busy.  I spoke with Groupon about it and they told me it’s not like it used to be.  They no longer sell hundreds of deals all at once, plus there aren’t that many people that live out in Bozrah who’d want to buy those deals.   So I told Breanna she can work in my Cheshire location for now.  That way she can quit Massage Envy.  She’s quitting today as we speak.

It turns out that I really like Breanna and the client she massaged loved her.

My new business has 35 unredeemed vouchers and 27 redeemed vouchers.  Once we work up the number of unredeemed vouchers to about 80, we’ll be pretty consistent with staying booked up.  It’s just getting to that 80 voucher mark that’s the hurdle.  It’s just a waiting game.

Yesterday was my pool league.  I didn’t want to slug down beer after beer like I normally do.  Instead I nursed one beer all during my match game.  I played a woman, Gina, who is very good but I still managed to beat her in both games.  It was the first time my opponent didn’t win at all against me.  Why?  Because I wasn’t drinking.

I was all set with beer yesterday.  I didn’t feel the need to wolf them down.  But this guy, Mike, was there who insisted on buying me drinks for the rest of the night.  It’s like when a smoker offers an ex-smoker cigs.  Hard to refuse.  I ended up drinking as many beers as I normally do, only, I didn’t have to pay for them.

I’m a VIP player in my team.  Since I’m a level 2, Nicole, our team captain, can play our heavy hitters, Ryan and Jon.  And since we want to keep me a level 2, Nicole can sacrifice me when it’s time for me to lose a game by pinning me up against a high level player.  And since I’m a decent shot, I usually score at least one point against them.  I’m the sacrificial lamb the team needs in order to win.  It’s why we’re so good.  We are so good because I’m both a strong and weak player.  I’m a walking contradiction just like in my everyday life – a lazy successful business owner.

I’m opening up Sound Alchemy Massage inside my other business starting next month.  I’m doing it sooner rather than later because at this rate, I’m not going to be able to take my trip to Bar Harbor anyway.  Not with it being this slow in Bozrah.  Once it’s set up in Cheshire, I’ll send out the email promoting it and this new venture will finally start paying for itself.

After that, I’ll just have to wait until we have 80 unredeemed vouchers and I’ll hire another therapist to take over in Bozrah.  Then I go on my Bar Harbor adventure.  That’s the plan at least.

Anyway, enough laying around, I’m going to take a shower.

 

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Bouba and Kiki

It’s Saturday.  I haven’t worked since Wednesday.  Sleep coma’s are becoming an even bigger problem than usual.

It’s just that I don’t have any reason to get out of bed.  I’m a homebody by nature, content wherever I am.  10 hours of sleep each night is nothing unusual for me.

I feel like I can out-sleep anyone.  Anyone except Hana.  Her habits were surprisingly worse than mine with staying up later than me, eating more than me, spending hoards of cash, being more impulsive.  All of my worst habits, she has them tenfold.  And trust me, I can be pretty bad.

My problem is that I don’t have anything to look forward to.  Sure I have my friends, I go places and have fun, but what I’m missing is more than just run-of-the-mill shenanigans.  I need a project to work on.  Something that makes me excited to get up everyday.

My Bozrah project got me excited, it got me up in the morning, gave me reason – but stupid Groupon isn’t selling our deals like expected.  So now it’s just another worry, another liability.

What am I missing in life?  I’ve always been like this, as far back as I can remember.  I’m lacking a reason to get up.  I lack an obsession.

Beer used to be my motivator.  “If I go here, I can have a beer.”  “If I have tomorrow off, I can get away with drinking tonight.”  “Let’s call so and so and grab a drink somewhere.”

Beer has been my number one motivator, my number one reason for getting out of bed each day – for as long as 15 years it’s been my only reason.  But I haven’t been working much, so my number one reason for waking up each day is becoming my worst nightmare.  It’s like if you want your kid to stop smoking, you make him smoke an entire pack – It’s like that with me, with beer.

But I do love it.  Even just one bottle of beer makes me feel wonderful – just one freaking bottle is all I need.

Adonis, my employee, the one who wanted to speak to me last Wednesday, asked me if he can be business partners with me 50/50.  And because I was drinking beer, I remained nice and calm and didn’t show my rage.

I was expecting him to quit and I was okay with him quitting actually.  I started planning my next move and looking forward to the possibilities.

I told him I’d think about it even though I wanted to shout out “hell no!”  Instead, I let it fester for one night and had horrible nightmares because of it.  Nightmares of people moving in – literally moving into my business.

When I woke up the next day from my sleep coma, he texted me saying he’d like to discuss it again with me and I replied with a simple, “It’s not going to happen, sorry.”

I could’ve given him a long list of reasons as to why it’s a ludicrous idea, but it wasn’t worth it to me to get all riled up again.  I didn’t give any explanation, just a flat no.

Goddamned millennials.

It’s Saturday, yet another day off.  I can pick up the phone and call someone, but like I said earlier, I need more excitement than the same old shit I’ve been doing all my life.  I don’t have any ambition for calling anyone up.  And my greatest motivator, beer, is losing its magic.

I keep thinking “what if I had my electric bicycle?  Would that motivate me to get out of bed?”

Maybe, but I love having money in the bank.  I feel safe and good with money in the bank.  If I buy the bike now, that lovely feeling will be gone.

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It’s now Monday.  I’ve been doing fiddly squat for days on end.  Well, I did manage to clean my room, make a new improved debt chart ($9,000 in debt), and yesterday I ventured out to buy two things I’ve been craving – kimchi and french onion soup.  And then I bought a smart ukulele on Amazon for $159 out of boredom.  I went on Amazon just to look around, like taking a stroll downtown to window shop, and within 5 minutes of my “window shopping”, I bought a ukulele.

If I want something that costs less than $200, I buy it without much hesitation.  I want it and I simply buy it.  The fret board lights up to tell you where to put your fingers, and they have games to play.  It’s like Guitar Hero but with actual learning a real instrument.  I’m pretty damn excited about it.

********************************

In one of my video games (Persona 5), they taught me about Bouba and Kiki.

It’s when the name of a thing sounds like the way it’s shaped.  I learned this on my own in one of my autistic moments as a kid.  I did this with numbers and how each number had it’s own personality based on its shape and sound.  5’s were my favorite for some reason.

Anyway, if you look at the two images, the one on the left is Kiki.  It sounds sharp, has sharp angles.  Bouba sounds gelatinous like the image on the right.

My name, Melanie, is gelatinous.  It’s the sound my sleep coma’s would make, if they were to make a sound, it would sound like my name.  I can’t help thinking that if I had a different name, like Katie Couric, Crystal, Lisa, Susie, J.K Rowling – If I had a Kiki sounding type of name, maybe I wouldn’t be in this mess?  Maybe I wouldn’t be content sleeping 10 hours a day and lounging for the rest?

If only I had my electric bicycle now, and my ukulele, I can ride it somewhere and sit down to play in the park, or ride it to a friends house and we can sing together.

I have odd ambitions.

I’m going to take a shower and go rollerblading.  What a life, eh?

 

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Just Another Stupid Wednesday

I’m sitting in the lounge in Bozrah while my new therapist, Breanna, massages her first client. I’m not feeling that great. I’m wracked with worry over my dog. He’s been sick and today he started limping. We taken him to the vet and she gave him antibiotics. And another reason for my worry is that my male therapist, Adonis, whom been working for me for almost five years wants to have a sit down to discuss something important. He just sprung it on me on my way over here to Bozrah. I told him to meet me at Wood N Tap tonight. It’s trivia night and I was going to be there anyway.

I hate my sensitivity to stress. I need to just breathe and let it go. I already decided I can handle it if he quits and not only that, I’d be able to replace him with a female independent contractor instead of an employee. It works out better for me.

I hope Breanna is doing ok in there. It’s her first day. I hear the wind chimes crackling away in there, a bit too much for my tastes.

I had a client today in Cheshire and then went home to nap. While I was napping, my phone exploded with a gazillion texts. My phone was on silent. One of those texts was Breanna telling me she got booked for today.

I leapt up in hyperdrive and scrambled to get my pants on. I looked at the clock, the client would be there in one hour.

“Holy fuck I’m not going to make it! She doesn’t even have a key! I didn’t go over anything with her!”

Luckily my landlord was here to let her in. I didn’t make it in time for the massage. She was already in session by the time I got here. Stress man, I’m telling you.

Igor, my other therapist, just texted me about a strong pot smell in our little closet area. Ugh….Adonis, if you want to leave me, leave. Please. No need to discuss it with me for a half an hour while I try to win at trivia.

I just want to go home and hug my dog.

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Yin and Yang

I just woke up from a sleep coma.  I went to sleep at 1:30AM and woke up at noon.  10 and a half hours of blissful sleep.

My dreams were awesome too.  I dreamt I was vacationing in Thailand, the water was an incredible crystal light blue, everyone on the beach having fun and eating rainbow colored snow cones.  What was up with the snow cones?  I have no idea but I wanted a snow cone and was able to get one from a very nice sidewalk vendor.

In another dream, me, my mom and dad were asked to house-sit for someone’s mansion.  As payment for our efforts, we could choose any car in his garage to keep.  And while we were housesitting, we had unlimited supply of money to spend however we liked.

I remember the car perfectly, but I’m not sure what type of car it was.  Hold on, I’ll google it…..

This is it.  All the cars looked similar to this one except the one I drove was brown, green and tan.  A Rolls Royce.

So, what’s new in the life of Melanie?  Only that of blissful joy.  Well, what I mean by blissful joy is that I have money in the bank, more on the way, a full tank of gas and not a whole lot of hard work scheduled in my immediate future.  I’m looking at the life of Riley here.

I’m working on a plan for acquiring my electric bicycle and I also set out a time-line for my new business, Sound Alchemy Massage.

I’ll be commandeering one of the massage rooms at my other business and Sound Alchemy will start taking clients in Cheshire starting in September.  I will have a massage business inside a massage business.  If I do this, I will be able to cross-promote both businesses and combine all emails into one massive data-base.  I’ll make profits immediately and once that happens, I’ll get to expand once again to another location.

I’m waiting until September for two reasons:  1) Summer is not a good time to open a massage business being that it’s slow and 2) I’d like to at least try to buy an electric bicycle so I can ride it to Bar Harbor, Maine, on an adventure cycling trail before fall sets in.

I have $444 saved towards my electric bicycle.

I also decided to no longer order take-out and only eat the food my mother makes for me.  This consists of pasta, hamburgers, chicken, and hot dogs.  Last night was hot dog and beans.

I normally spend upwards of $30 a day on take-out.  It ranges from $20-$30.  I’m also in the habit of eating the entire meal in one sitting because it’s freaking delicious.

My eating and spending habits are about to go back to the way they were before meeting Hana who threw my habits completely out of whack.

Anyway, in other news, I massaged a lady with MS the other day.  She was in a bad state.  Her and her husband both came in for a massage, an old couple with the husband pushing his wife in a wheelchair.  I had to help get her on the massage table.

This was difficult for me in many ways.  First of all, I’m not licensed to handle a person like this.  I don’t know the proper way to lift a crippled woman.  We finally got her on the table, but we couldn’t get her to lay face down – she’s not able to turn face down without rolling off the table.  I kept trying to cover her up, she was laying there completely naked, flopping around, but her husband kept uncovering her saying “she can move around better if she’s not covered.”  This was very disturbing to me.  I felt I was being selfishly disturbed by it.  Selfish in the way that I didn’t want to see an old naked crippled woman and disturbed in the way of if you accidentally see your grandmother naked.

I saw what the problem was and there was no way we’d be able to get her to lay face-down, so I opted for side-lying.

Me – “I’ll be right back.  I’ll get you a long body pillow so you can lay comfortably on your side while I massage your back.”

And that’s just what I did.  The woman was so nice, so innocent.  Her mind was still intact, but there was something sweet about her.

I massaged her hands.  She was missing three fingers on her left hand, but the fingernails that she did have were painted.  When I seen this, it felt like a warm wave washed over me.  Something about old people still dressing up and looking nice, strikes a cord with me.  Especially when they’re suffering and in pain.  There’s something so precious and beautiful about it.  Dressed up in their Sunday best, wearing their little hats and carrying their little handbags.  It’s insanely precious and drives me crazy.

This feeling extends to all people really, when they take the time to dress up, put on make-up and doing their hair all nice – I love and appreciate it.  It’s like, they don’t have to look nice, but they do it anyway.  They do it because it makes them feel better.  Almost like they’re trying to feel better.  They’re not giving up.

Trying and not giving up are attributes I deeply, vehemently hold the upmost respect for.  And when it comes to appearance, when a person dresses up to look nice, there’s something so fragile and naked about it.  You can see the care and respect they desire for themselves.

I went to Vermont for Memorial day weekend to visit Amy and Mike.  I love the look and feel of Vermont.  The houses are livable, but most are old and wrecked.  They’d be marked condemned in Cheshire Connecticut standards.  But in Vermont, it’s okay.  “Live however you like” is the vibe I get from the place.  No one judges and no one gives a shit.

I love that people don’t give a shit in Vermont.  I love their crappy houses!  It’s Wabi Sabi, it’s beautiful.  And I love their lackadaisical view of appearances.  But what I don’t understand is how can I love both worlds?  How can I hold respect and appreciation for polar opposites?

Maybe it has something to do with Yin and Yang.  Dark and light, masculine and feminine.

Wikipedia describes Yin as negative/passive/female principle in nature.  Also symbolizes the moon, shaded orientation, covert; concealed; hidden, negative,  overcast, sinister; treacherous.

Yin would obviously represent the people who enjoy dressing themselves up with makeup and fine clothes.  Not that that’s to be considered treacherous, but I guess maybe considered a white lie if you really think about it.

Wikipedia describes Yang as positive/active/male principle in nature, the sun,  in relief,  open; overt,  belonging to this world.

Both worlds are dependent on each other.  Yin represents birth, basically what is unknown to us – it’s the dark side that happens before we’re born and after we die.

Yang is life, but it springs from Yin.  The brightness of Yang is born out of the darkness of Yin.  Maybe at times, you have to be treacherous in order to be good?  I don’t know.

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