I want to fast forward 6 months

Instead of writing a post last Monday, I went to see The Avengers Infinity Wars movie and then I played free pool at the closest dive bar near my new business in Bozrah.

I had about 5 hours to kill.

I interviewed Breanna, a young cute blonde girl, who I decided right away that no, I’ll hire the older, more experienced woman instead.

By the time I texted the other woman, she already found another job.

Damn.

So now I’m stuck with this young dumb blonde.  She sounded dumb, the way she talks, like a high school kid, but she was on point with her questions.  She worked at a few shitty places before finding me, so she knew what to ask.

I’m too broke to keep my Indeed ad running.  I already spent $171 dollars on it.

So, Breanna it is.

I haven’t experienced this amount of stress in about two years.  I’ve spent so much money these past few months that my bank account is in the red zone and not only that, but my new business has got my guts all twisted up.

My new business is so new, that we have no reviews yet.  The first review is paramount.  And Dawn, my new therapist yesterday, accidentally charged a client $181 when it was supposed to be $18.

Fuck.

I have my entire life riding on this new business and the first review is critical.  So critical that it can either make or break me.

I had my pool league yesterday.  It was the first time I felt the weight of stress and had it effect my pool game.  But I at least scored a point.  It was actually a good thing that I didn’t win since I’m trying to stay a 2.

But then my buddy Chris wanted to play me and so I left the area where my team was playing to go play Chris.

I swear to god, I know this sounds ridiculous, but the moment I said Yes, I’ll play you, I had a sinking feeling that my team would tank without me there cheering them on.  I just knew it.  And sure enough, they tanked.

We were one point away from first place and now….now….I want to cry.  I think it’s all my fault.

But I couldn’t turn down Chris.  His mother is home dying of cancer, recently diagnosed.  His heart is broken.

I drank so much last night.  I drank a lot and woke up at 6AM today for some god-awful reason.

I’m going to eat some eggs and go back to sleep.  I told Mo I’d meet her out at 3:45 today for some $2 miller lights.

Here’s a break-down of my finances….

I have $1783 in my main bank account right now.  Yesterday I had $7000 – you see how it jumps?  You see why I freak out like I do?

Okay, so $1783 (which is the lowest it’s been in a VERY long time), and then I’ll get $4710 from my member clients which brings me back up to $6493 and I should be getting a groupon check on the fifth for at least $2000, which will take me up to $8493 ($14,000 is my uber happy zone).  And then I wait and pray we have a few strong weeks ahead of us.  My independent contractors still need to cash their checks which will take me down to $7493, and rent for the new place will leave me with $7000.  If I can make $2000 in the next two weeks, I’ll get by.  Albeit, just barely.

I’d be getting by just fine if I didn’t spend a shit-ton of $$ these past few months.  I have to remember that this is temporary.  I sold a bunch of groupons to help make up for it, and I’m glad for that check coming on the fifth or I’d be seriously fucked.

It’s just that I wouldn’t be so worried if I didn’t have to pay my lawyer another $5,000 soon.  I’m freaking out about it because it couldn’t have happened at a worse time than now.

Plus Dawn’s mistake with charging that guy so much money by accident…..It’s a lot for me to handle right now.  It’s the first real stress I felt since moving my business to its new location 2 years ago.

Anyway, I feel a lot better now after writing about it.  It’s good to write out all of my problems, it’s like making a To Do list.  I sweep away all the confusion and see what’s really happening.  Like pouring glitter on a sheet of paper where there are words written in glue.  Once you dump all the excess glitter off, you’re left with a clearer understanding of the situation.

That’s what my blog does for me anyway.  I wish I had no problems to write about though.

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Filed under journal, rant, work

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