Life is like skydiving. When you first jump out of the plane, everything is spinning and confusing but the guy strapped to your back steadies the both of you. His life is dependent on how well he can protect your own.
After a while, everything becomes clear. You steady yourself. You think you have it all figured out. Time freezes for a while and it feels like you’ll never land or grow old. You no longer need the guy strapped to your back. You wish you can enjoy this time independently, enjoying the full experience of this wonderful freedom.
But then the ground steadily approaches. You are once again happy that you have a man strapped to your back.
He yanks the ripcord to open the parachute.
This latter half of the jump can be serene and pretty, there’s no more rush or worry if the chute may or may not open. It’s opened and you can relax. This is where you’re able to truly take it all in, to catch your breath and count your blessings. Time is no longer frozen, you are no longer suspended in mid-air. Time runs differently in a way only someone with appreciation can understand.
You can sip your lemonade on the dock of the bay. Mixed with whiskey and rye. No rush, no more worry.
It seems that the age of 40 is the appropriate time to pull the chute. When you can literally see and feel the ground approaching more rapidly than before. 40 is the age for everyone to pull their chutes, but they either can’t or they won’t. For some it may mean giving up on that brief glimpse of exhilarating freedom they experienced years before. For others, it’s circumstance. Whether it be loss of a job or loss of the man strapped to their back.
These days, mostly everybody is still in free-fall. And the closer the ground approaches, they feel like time is running out. This is why older people are technologically disadvantaged – they don’t have time for such “nonsense”. There’s no time, no time for anything. Time is only for those still frozen high up in mid-fall, and not for those who must work even harder now that they’re not young anymore.
I’ve been unknowingly searching for the ripcord to my parachute since opening up my second business. Not to be confused with my third business, the one that I’m working on now, but my second. Surprisingly enough, I was still in the frozen free-fall when I opened up my first business. I was completely oblivious.
But now I see it. I can see the necessary chapters in life that we all must write. Steps that we must unavoidably take in order to prolong our longevity and deepen our experiences.
For me personally, freedom is by far the most precious facet of our time spent. It’s not time itself – time can be spent in agony, suffering, isolated and alone, but freedom? I’ll take a short life of freedom over a long life spent in torment.
And I am free. Well, almost. Pulling that ripcord for me personally, isn’t about finding a steady job, or settling down with a sturdy providing husband, no. It’s about finding my financial freedom – a freedom that doesn’t exchange time for money. A type of freedom that places me above the airplane that I unceremoniously ejected out of. It’s like being granted a second life. A life where I’m my own guy strapped to my back. Not only am I my own guy, but I’m my own parachute. I’m the ground approaching, I’m the sky and the wind in-between. I take on all roles, embodying everything.
Because, well, why not? Why can’t I? Who’s to stop me or tell me no, it can’t be done?
Anyway, what the hell else am I going to do with myself? This life is magically long enough to manually change its trajectory at any age.
To each his own, right? And all I want is money. That’s all I want. Simple people like simple things.
Ayahuasca, Eckhart Tolle, pretty much ALL the guru’s that ever existed, all of them told me to let go of all desire, only then I’ll obtain everything. But ayahuasca also told me that we desire things because we fear our life will not be enough without them – we seek happiness to obliterate this fear, aka, void. There is an emptiness we must fill, and that is why we desire.
Another way of looking at this catch-22, is to focus our attention on the fear itself governing the desire. Forget about the desire for a moment, and look at the fear. What are you most afraid of? Never amounting to anything, not being respected, always someone’s lapdog, living in poverty…etc. Sure, those are all well and good fears but why should you be afraid of something when you have the power to change things?
You know what I think everyone’s greatest fear is? The fear of failure. Plain and simple. I’d go deeper into explaining why I think it’s the fear of failure, but that’s a bit off subject. Maybe I’ll circle back to it. It’s pretty important.
Weird, my right ear just started ringing. I was listening to the background noise of my family upstairs and all of a sudden everything went quiet and there was a ringing in my right ear. Hold on, gotta google that shit.
Okay, it stopped. Lasted about 7 seconds. It’s good luck that it was my right ear and not my left.
Okay, so anyway….where was I?
Oh right, the fear of failure. To me, the fear of failure trumps all other fears because if you were truly fearful of losing your job, you’ll take appropriate action to remedy it.
Quit and find a different job. “Screw it” is always my sloppy non-thought-out advice I offer to everyone.
But people don’t change their current situation most likely because they are pussy’s. They’re scared of falling all the way into the void. Not just a little bit into the void, but all the way in it. At least this way, by not changing anything, they have some semblance of control in the matter by not taking control of the matter.
Doesn’t make sense to you? Neither to me but this is what people do. I don’t get it either.
But what if you set yourself up to make failure an impossibility? Failing is IMPOSSIBLE. Desires don’t mean fiddly-squat anymore. You no longer “desire” anything and instead, you make choices.
Desire is like hope. They don’t mean shit. They are nothing and are worth nothing. But choice? There’s power in choice. And once you find your choice, that’s when to pop your chute. Hopefully in a place above the clouds. So we can be neighbors.
To circle back to our greatest fear, the fear of failure, that pretty much encompasses ALL fears, you know? It’s like the receptacle you dump all your other fears into. It can hold all of them.
I’m trying to think of a way to tie claustrophobia in with the fear of failure….hold on…wait for it….wait for it……Fear of failure to being let out? Bingo.
I learned in psych class that technically most people rank public speaking as their number 1 all-time fear. Why? Because the fear of PUBLIC failure. Not just quiet unspoken failure, but a boisterous in-your-face unmistakable FAIL that’s been witnessed by many.
Suckily enough, people’s opinions effect you whether you want them to or not. It’s harder to live down a fail the more people who coagulate towards a certain belief about you.
Anyway, I should get going to sleep. I’m beat. I’ll most likely write a shit-ton on Monday. I’ll catch you up on my life on Monday.