Monthly Archives: December 2017

Discovery versus creation versus invention

I don’t believe in inventions. I believe in discoveries. You can’t create something that’s already there. Basically what I’m saying is that you can put together the first transistor radio, but you didn’t invent it. You discovered it.

You discovered how the world works, and not the other way around.

But you can create art. Anything can be art. The phone I’m typing this on can be viewed as a piece of art. But technology itself? That’s not yours. It belongs to the world. Technology has no owner. Putting two sticks together creates fire but that fire isn’t only yours, you know what I’m saying?

Two sticks or banging two rocks together was once the latest advancements in the human race. The invention of the wheel is still talked about today. And so is sliced bread.

All advancements, big or small, are nothing but discovering how the world works. You uncover a little more of the riddle, you advance a little more in technology.

First the discovery, than the tool to use it, and then creation comes when you put the two together. Skyscrapers, electron microscopes, a Boeing 747. All works of art. All from the minds of people who asked the question, “what can I use this for?”

What can I use this for….

I’m about to gut out my bedroom. Possibly tomorrow if my game allows it. And this question will bullet hole my brain until I have to sit down with a useless object in my hand and let my brain ooze out my skull. My eyes drift into the haze of wonderment and memory.

What would I need an old helmet for? I’ll never wear it, I look ridiculous in it. Why should I keep this old crappy computer that drove me insane? I played the PlayStation VR like what, one time?

What can I use them for…what new discovery is awaiting me?

What would happen if I gut out all the wires in my old computer, fill the helmet with gasoline, pour it all over the computer and strike a match? Record everything and then watch it on my VR headset like I was there in person?

That’s art. That’s art at its finest.

It’s New Year’s Eve and I just want to play my game and sleep. I had to wake up early today for a client and yesterday, no bullshit, really did kick my ass.

But seriously though, should I be trying to discover something new in the world?

First I have to have a need for something that hasn’t been discovered yet. First the need, than the search, than the disc…ah fuck it, I even annoy myself, not just you.

What do I need….money. We all need money, that’s why everyone imprisons themselves with jobs.

Maybe I can create money? No, I tried that when I was 12 and it looked like crap. The soda machine wouldn’t even take it.

What else do I need besides money?

Power? Notoriety?

I’m such a lowly superficial human…

No, I mean a real discovery. Like quantum gravity or some shit. How can I prove quantum gravity entanglement? If I can do this, I can uncover the first hover board.

But I have no tools. First the tool then the discovery.

I should try napping again. I tried earlier but my employee called and woke me up after 10 minutes. I won’t make it to midnight at this rate.

I need to discover something similar to sliced bread. I have tools for a discovery like that.

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“If Time Travel Was Real” Written by Melanieslifeonline, edited by WordPress spell checker. Copyright December 30th 2017

Today was brutal.

I don’t know what made me want to finish writing my last post at 4 in the morning today.  It’s not like I had anything important to say.

I got home so late and so drunk last night (this morning) and for some reason I wanted to write knowing full well that I had 5 clients today starting at 11.

It was brutal.  Have I said that already?  Well it was.

It’s now 10:30PM and I can’t keep my eyes open.  I just want to write about this time travel paradox right quick before I forget it.  My brain is thinking up some weird shit tonight.

Ready to hear it here it goes….

Let’s say a man discovers time travel.  I’ll call him number 1.

He goes back in time only to discover he’s getting buried alive by multiple bodies of himself also coming from the same future.  He has to quickly find his younger self in that time period and tell him not to travel back in time.  Something went terribly wrong.

The man (number 1) finds his younger self (number 2) and warns him.  In a flash, the number 1 man disappears along with all his other selves.  Leaving no traces behind.

The young man, number 2, goes about his day as if nothing happened and when number 2 invents time travel, history repeats and he travels back in time once again.

How does this happen?

When number 1 warned number 2 about the upcoming disaster, number 2 listened to the warning and never went back in time but since he never went back in time, number 1 was never able to warn number 2 about the disaster.  Hence the infinite pile of number 1’s that keep traveling back in time.  No one stopped him.

My question is….where do all these bodies go when they disappear?  How is it possible for something to never happen if it happened?

I was watching a time travel documentary on YouTube just a moment ago and you see what happens?  I should be sleeping right now!

It was a National Geographic special.  They say that time travel is theoretically proven but we don’t have the technology to make it happen.

It’s interesting….The documentary also states that if we travel through time using the light-speed approach, we will be going into the future.  But if we travel using the gravity approach, we travel backwards.  The gravity approach is much more likely to happen according the the physicists.

What if time travel really does exist, and people been traveling back here for millennia?  They cause epic disasters, correct them, forget them (refer to my story above), and we’re actually living in some vacuum of forgotten memories that never transpired but did?

And what if all the corrected mistakes we made that disappeared into nothingness, didn’t really disappear?  All the number 1’s never truly disappeared but morphed into intangible thoughts, like they were added to the mass-consciousness of the universe?  They went up and out into the 5th dimension?

All the horrible atrocities that mankind committed through-out history keep getting rectified and forgotten which in turn feeds into our mass consciousness.  It poisons the well and from that poison, creates even bigger disasters.  We obliterate the musket only to replace it with an AK-47.

Wow, I’m like beyond tired.  I’m writing complete gibberish.

What else is new.

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VIDEO GAMES

I played my video game on Christmas day.  Boy, did I play.  From sun-up to sun-down, I couldn’t stop.  My brother, my niece, and her boyfriend all came over for dinner and it was nice, but all I could think about was heading back downstairs to play.

It’s not just an addiction.  I honestly believe my brain needs it.

Before I started to play, I was tired and stressed.  When I say tired, I’m talking both physically and mentally drained no matter how much I slept.  I could barely get out of bed.  This is due to various reasons, some of which are from traveling abroad for the last two months.

But then I started to play……

My brain fell in sync.  That’s the best way to describe it.  Everything that I’ve been stressing about, the scattered thoughts and trivial problems, melted away.  If they weren’t melted away, they were compartmentalized.  Put away into their respective locations.  When I’m ready to view them, I can delicately pick them up where I left off and look at them with clear eyes and a clear mind.

My energy went up.  My motivation went up.  My excitement….went up.

How does this happen?  I don’t understand……

Let’s think on it;

When I play, my brain is at optimum relaxation.  Some people go to the spa to relax, they get a massage or whatever – but I on the other hand, need to engage my brain in order to relax.  To ask questions and solve problems, to write and such.  I get a massage for therapeutic purposes and relaxation isn’t one of them.  I need crosswords.  Give me Jeopardy.

My brain feels most relaxed on video games, but it’s also never more active.  It works harder on video games than when it comes to managing a business.  My eyes and ears are on full alert for hours on end.

My guess is that it has something to do with our evolution and where we came from.

From the time we were hunter gatherers, starving for our next meal, we were always on alert.  To be on full alert meant that rewards are soon to follow.  But we couldn’t acquire those rewards without focus, so we instinctively turned off all unnecessary clutter.  Makes sense, right?

The more we engage, the less mental baggage there is to deal with.  And with less mental baggage, the less fatigued we feel.  The human machine knows what to do once you take yourself out of the equation.

Of course, this is all hyperbole.  Completely my theory, who knows the actual truth?

All I know is that video games make me feel utterly fantastic.  Like gutting out the attic.

***************************

In other news…..

I love food.  I like to reward myself with food whenever I work.  By “work” what I mean is doing something that I don’t want to participate in.

There’s a new Japanese/Korean place that just opened up near me – 3 minutes away.  And I love it.  Love love LOVE it.

They have a salad there called POKI.  I plan to eat it for lunch every single day that I work.  It’s healthy and amazing.

Between that and my video game, my love for life went up ten-fold since getting back from my trip.  These are tools that will help me along the way.

I was depressed after getting back because all I could think about was the long list of shit I have to do in order to enjoy life again.  I focused on the destination, not the journey. And seeing that I’m nearly 38, time is of the essence. My journey should ALREADY be awesome. Everyday awesome. Yolo baby.

I need to get this shit done quick which means I have to work HARD.

These thoughts depressed me.  That’s why I was in a funk.

I had virtually nothing on my roster to look forward to.  Just work, and work hard.

To go to my exercise class, play pool in my pool league, and nights when I do neither, I work.  Every single day I have shit to do.  I’m not an “everyday do shit” kind of gal.  I’m more of a “be as lazy as you like everyday” kind of gal.

But with my upcoming schedule, I’ll have no free days.  Just get in shape, make money, and one night a week indulge in my love of billiards.

It sounds…well, it sounds horrible is how it sounds.

The pool league starts January 19th.  I’m not sure how I’ll like it.  I don’t really like doing things on a weekly basis but I signed up because I love to play. I have no interest in socializing, meeting new people….I just want to fucking play pool and drink beer.

********************

It’s now a couple days later, I don’t know how many exactly.  It’s the 30th at 3:15am.

Can I just tell you I made the perfect business?  I don’t want to tell you because I’ll jinx it, but it’s absolutely perfect.  We had 22 clients today!  I don’t know if that’s a record, but it’s a lot of freaking clients.  Everything went smooth and stream-lined.  Perfect in every way.  And we are nearly 5 star on Groupon and we made the best of Groupon list which is actually sorta a big deal….seriously, not a lot of places get ratings as good as ours.  This is the first in 4 years we made that list.  It’s all algorithms, so there’s no favoritism or crap like that.

I shouldn’t be blogging right now.  I get insomnia when I do this so late.  I wanted to write something but I forgot what it was.

I ate at J Sushi three days in a row now.  That’s the new place I was telling you about.  I still love it.  Today they threw in a free miso soup because, well, I’m awesome like that.  But there’s another place that just opened up too, Pho Spice!  They have Thai and Vietnamese.

J Sushi is Japanese/Korean, and the other place is Thai/Vietnamese.  My all time favorite is Vietnamese so I gotta give them a shot.  Vietnamese has the best sauces and the best broth known to the entirety of the human race.

Dude….I’m like in heaven.  I love where I live.  I love my town.

I remember what I wanted to write….

I wanted to write out my new business plan!  Damn, what was I thinking?  It’s too late!  I mean, it’s too late physically for me to write out my business plan right now.  I just got really excited for it, that’s all.  I’ll write about it later, I’ll publish this shit or I’ll never publish It.

G’night y’all

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Christmas Eve

I slept the entire day.  It’s 8:30 at night and I want to sleep again.  I should’ve went to work to sell gift certificates, but I couldn’t move.  I’m horrible.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I wasn’t this tired when I was traveling but then again, I didn’t stay up until 3am like I do when I’m home.

My friend isn’t pissed at me for kissing her brother.  I was worried about nothing.  Her brother also made out with another friend of ours that same night which is what saved my hide – it wasn’t just me.  And he came on strong and aggressive.  Everything is good and it was just one of those nights….

I should’ve went to work today.  I’m such an asshole.

I went to sleep at 11PM last night, woke up at 11AM today, ate a turkey sandwich that my mom made me and fell back to sleep listening to my audiobook with my dog.  I didn’t wake up until after 4.  Then I watched Master of None on Netflix and The Neon Demon on my jail broken firestick (super weird movie).

After that, I wanted to play Elder Scrolls Online but since I haven’t logged into my playstation for months, I have to update everything.  I have to update my playstation and not only that, but update Elder Scrolls.  We’re talking lots of updating hours.  54 GB’s.  Not MB’s, but GB’s.  Those are the big files.

So now I’m watching the Watchman on my Firestick and blogging.

All I want to do is play my game.  That’s all I want.

It’s too early for sleep and I’m all movie’d out for the day.  But no.  Stupid updates.

But I’m happy.  I get to sleep as late as I want tomorrow and not feel guilty for not going to work.  We are closed for Christmas and everyone, including clients, won’t bother me.

But I’m sad that my money making season is nearing it’s end.  It was a great season.  Oh god how I love Christmas.  I love love LOVE Christmas now that I opened my own business.  It’s especially awesome that my friend Stephanie is here visiting from Minnesota.

Since getting back from my trip, life has continued it’s awesomeness.  2017 has truly been amazing.  Lord knows I needed it.  I’ve trudged through hell and high water for long enough.

I don’t feel like delving into anything heavy tonight.  Today has been a catch-up day on some well needed R&R.  I just hope the update will be installed by tomorrow.

******************

It’s now 1:oo in the morning.  I got sucked into YouTube.  I literally spent the last 4 hours watching YouTube videos.  My game has only 5 more hours left until it’s updated…..

My room is still a hot mess.  I did however, throw in a load of laundry.  The first time doing laundry since I been back.  Procrastinate much?

I did virtually nothing today, but I feel strong enough to do virtually nothing again tomorrow.  Sleep and audiobooks baby.

I love this.  I just love it.  Right here, right now.  It’s perfect.  A perfect moment.  I’m just so content right now.  I have everything I’ll ever need right here in my room to sustain my contentment indefinitely.

It’s that feeling you get when it starts snowing really hard and you know for sure school will be cancelled the next day.  You want to stay up late just to savor every last drop of time.

I’m going to hit the hay and listen to my book.  I’m still tired from before, I never woken up.  I can’t keep my eyes open dammit.

 

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God damn Melanie

God Damn.  God damn Melanie.  Oh Melanie…..

I totally made out with my friends brother tonight.  Not just any friend, it was a close friend.  Someone I knew since high school.  And she stopped talking to me a long time ago, when I got back from my Nepal trip and she only recently started talking to me again.  Lo and behold, I make out with her brother.  I’m the number one least person in the world she’d want making out with her brother.  Literally, the last person.

I don’t know how I feel about it.  I knew him since he was a kid.  I hate to admit it, but I had a crush on him since I met him.  It’s especially wrong since I’m 4 years older than him.  I knew him since he was 12.

He always liked me.  Like, always liked me.  Because I was different from the rest.  That’s what he told me.  I’m the only one of his sisters friends that he ever had a thing for.

And the guy is hot.  He’s super cute!  What am I supposed to do?  How can I not?  To be the object of affection for that long?  To be loved for that long?

God damn Melanie…..God damn.

One of my other friends caught us making out.  She also has a thing for him….She was so drunk, even before she caught us kissing, that I couldn’t tell if she was upset or just drunk.  She was wasted and went home shortly after.  I didn’t get the chance to explain myself or talk to her.

The thing is, I can explain myself!  This guy loved me for 15 years, if not longer.  I mean, come on now……and I haven’t kissed anyone in a really long time and sometimes a girl needs that.  No no, that’s a shitty explanation….I’ve always been attracted to him.  I don’t know how this shit works.  I really don’t.

What’s more puzzling is, why me?  Again, I don’t understand.  I’m really not that pretty.  In fact, I’d say I’m mighty frumpy in the looks department.  Why do I get all these hot people after me?  What the hell makes me so desirable?

What is it about you Melanie….what is it….I’m gross.  I pick my nose like, all the time….

Rational Brain – “It’s the nose hairs.”

Um….what?

Rational Brain – “Your nose itches a lot because you think you have a booger in it but in actuality, you have a nose hair.”

Fucking nose hairs.  Thank you Dad for passing down your nose hair genes.  But thank you Mom for some awesome boobs!

Maybe that’s it.  My awesome boobs…..

Or maybe it’s that thing ayahuasca told me.  That I make people feel safe.  People like being around me because I make them feel safe.  I view everyone as family, and I love them as such.

I don’t know dude….all I know is that it taken me years of self therapy to be the some-what awesome person that I am.  Years upon years of writing.  Of journaling.  Of writing down every stupid thought and breaking it apart until it disintegrates.  Since I was 14.  I’ve been writing down everything since I was fourteen-fucking-years old.

And from all those years of writing, all the shit storms I went through…..I never want to break anyones heart again.  Not ever.  Not my own, not anyone else’s.  So I stopped dating altogether.  I need to not mess with her brother is what I need to do.  I know better than that.  I’m a freak when it comes to intimacy and all my friends know it.  I just can’t do it.  I can’t handle it.

I’ve been chasing freedom since I was 12.  I based my entire life around freedom as my number one goal.  I’m pretty much fucked from it.

Not a lot of people know this, but dating someone is a VERY big deal.  At least for me it is since all the guys I date end up fucked in the head.  I ruin them.  I’m accountable.

And honestly, Hana flashed through my head.  Her and I are supposed to grow old together and change each others diapers.  I’d be cheating on her if I settled down in a conventional relationship.

***********************

My friends brother, the one I made out with tonight, just texted me.  His sister found out about our kiss somehow and a shit storm ensued.

I don’t get it.  Am I really that bad of a person?  Nobody should get close to me?  Nobody should touch me?  She makes me feel horrible about myself.

Years and years of self-therapy, all for nothing if I’m still too shitty to love or be loved.  I feel depressed.  I’m apparently not worthy, not good enough.  I’ll never be good enough.  And all I did was let him kiss me.  I’m the one who’s a bastard.

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Keep it small, keep it all

I’m back to enjoying Netflix and living my small quiet life again.  All it took was a few days at work massaging people to make me want to crawl back into my den away from reality.  I’m always tired here.  I just want to sleep.

I want to see the sunset again the way it’s supposed to be seen.  I don’t want to lose anymore time.  I’ve lost enough time as it is.

It feels like I’ve spent most of my life in repair mode.  Recovery mode.

I’m not shaping my life, my life is already there submerged in a cement block and I’m merely chiseling away at the surrounding debris.  I chisel a little bit here and there and than recover from the exertion.  Chisel, recover, chisel, recover.  Sometimes I recover so much that I end up repairing the parts I already chiseled off.  Like, wait a minute….I still need this part here or everything will fall apart.  I need my support pieces.

Working is my number one support piece.  I need to make one last valiant effort before I can let it all go.  For real this time, not just for two months.

I’m going to pay off the $3,000 of debt I made for myself by January 5th.  After that, I’ll be ready to start my next business phase – to open another massage clinic.

I have all the details already worked out in my head.  Just one room in a quiet location that focuses on sound therapy.  Each massage will be 75 minutes long and I’ll hire independent contractors only.  “Keep it small, keep it all” as my brother once told me (yesterday….he told me this yesterday).

And that might do the trick.  My little island off the main land.  My missing support piece.  I’m uncovering my support piece, chiseling the surrounding debris.  It’s already there.  You can’t float without water and money is my water.

Shit I’m tired.

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What I came home to

I walked across Spain for the second time in my life for one reason and one reason only:  To lose weight.  Even more specifically than that, I walked across Spain with the intension of fitting into my pants again when I got back home.

FAIL

After everything I’ve been through….walking 500 miles, fasting and puking on ayahuasca for 7 days, my Bolivian belly beast that lasted for 5 days – and still, all I lost was a little over 10 pounds.

Hana is to blame.  She kept feeding me.  She would stick her fucking fork in my mouth even if I’d say “no thank you.”  And the girl was always hungry.  She’d order an exorbitant amount of food each time we stopped somewhere, I’m not embellishing.  She was an animal.  The most wasteful person I ever met.  And I’m the complete opposite!  I hate wasting food!

I just got a text message from one of my employee’s.  Apparently a small rodent died in the electric fireplace at work and it smells like fish.

Anyway, so yeah.  Goddamned Hana.

My Hana blues are starting to wane a bit.  It’s been 10 days without Hana up my butt every second.  It takes me 14 days to adapt to most things so another 4 and I’ll be back to my normal self like the trip never happened.

Another thing I came home to was my financial situation being in shambles.  I’m taking the proper steps to get myself out of it by actually working again.  But it’s going to take some time.  Months, not years.  As long as I work hard I should have the situation under control in a timely manner and pay off the $3,000 of debt I spent abroad.

And lastly, I came home to my room being trashed.  Even while I was thousands of miles away from the mess, I could still feel it.  The clutter and confusion being attached to me somehow.

The thing with me is, I’m not a messy person.  I love being organized and tidy.  It makes me feel light and skinny.  I can’t explain it, it’s an emotion.  But feeling organized and all caught up on everything makes me feel skinny.  When I procrastinate, it weighs me down and I swear pounds accumulate.

When I look around at my room after a good gutting-out, my eyes feel like they lost weight.

I shouldn’t say I like cleaning.  I hate dusting and vacuuming.  I don’t even like organizing my clutter all that much but what I DO like is throwing shit away.

I’m tackling my closet right now.  That’s the real beast.  I haven’t cleaned out my closet in at least 10 years and having that kind of meaty mess attached to me, it doesn’t matter how well I clean my actual bedroom, my closet always attracted more garbage into my life.

I started with my pants.  I tried on all my pants and the ones that no longer fit, but I still love, I stored them away for when I can wear them again.  I now have a handful of pants to wear, half of which are pajama pants.

I wear the shit out of my clothes.  All my pants have kinetic karma attached to them from that period of my life when they were first in the rotation.

I also came home to winter depression weather.  It gets dark at 4-fucking-30!  Before I left for my trip, the weather was still nice.  October crispy orange weather.  But not now.  Not anymore.  It’s snowy and it’s cold and dark.  Normally I’d like that, but coming home after 2 months of adventure every freaking day only makes me bored in real life humdrum.  Netflix doesn’t have the same effect on me.  I haven’t even played my video game yet.  Everything feels so lame and vanilla.  What kept me entertained in the past, is not working for me anymore.

I’m going to join a gym after my friend Stephanie visits us.  It’s a 30 minute class that acts like a miniature version of cross-fit.  I can get unlimited classes for only $69 a month.  I don’t want to do it, but shits gotta change.  And it’s not too far from my house.  I need to deal with this now while I’m still young.

Anyway, I better take a shower.  I have a client and a dead thing to deal with.

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The Bolivian Belly Beast

It started on the 9th.  On the plane ride home from La Paz.  And now it’s the 13th.  Five days!  I’ve had this thing inside me for five mother fucking freaking days!  And it’s not getting worse, but it’s not getting any better either.  All I know is that I’m freaking starving right now.

My parents brought home pizza and despite my better judgement, I just wolfed down two slices.

Everyone wants me to see a doctor but I refuse to go.  I’m anti antibiotics.  They do more harm than good.  What I need is eastern medicine.  To eat special herbs and shit.

I don’t get it.  I never get sick like this when I travel.  At least, not for five days straight.  Usually my bugs are flushed out within 24 hours.

If this thing doesn’t kill the people of La Paz, it ain’t going to kill me so I’ll ride it out.

The thing is, I get weaker with each day.  I slept for most of the day today.  My backpack is still fully packed from when I got home, my room is still completely trashed….I have no energy.

I’m fine if I don’t eat.  I can go out and about.  But now I’m at the point where I’m too weak to move if I don’t eat.

I’m grabbing more pizza, screw it.

And my asshole is really starting to burn something fierce.  It’s getting so bad that I’d rather throw up than shit.  And trust me, I’m nauseous too so throwing up ain’t a stretch.

My eyes want to close.  I’m so tired.  I fell asleep at 10 last night and woke up at 10AM today then took a nap.

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I Lost My Phone in Peru

After our 7 day retreat in Peru, Hana and I decided to go to Bolivia because, well, why not?  Honestly it was all Hana’s decision and she made her angry face when I acted hesitant about extending my trip past the 7 day mark.  I made my hesitant face and then she made her angry face and I shrugged my shoulders and said, “Yeah, I’ll go.  Sounds like fun!”

And it was fun.  It was incredible.  It was awesome.  For the first time in almost 2 months, we felt free.  Free of walking the Camino, free of the prison retreat that starved us and locked us inside its grounds.  We were, for the first time, truly free.

But I lost my cell phone at the bus terminal in Cusco.  My guess, it was stolen because I forgot to button my freaking pocket.  The one time I didn’t button my pocket was at a stupid bus terminal….of all places!  Why Melanie?  Why…

That’s why I haven’t posted anything.  I couldn’t.  But oh man I wish I did.  What a trip.  Have you ever seen the sunset in a desert?  It’s the most awe-inspiring image I ever seen in my life.  It’s not an image though, it’s not a scene, or a view…..It’s like Pachamama, or Jeong.  It’s like an emotion became a reality.  Words, just like a photograph, will never capture it.  It’s like looking up at a dome – sunset surrounds you on all sides.  The colors….a perfect mix of contrasts swaying and changing and spiraling.  It’s dizzying like on drugs.  I kept looking all over from one side to the next to take it all in but my eyes weren’t big enough.

Me – “I can’t believe this happens every day and nobody knows about it.”

I decided whenever I’m feeling down, all I have to do is think about that sunset and how it’s there everyday but we just can’t see it.  It happens above my own house everyday but I just can’t see it.

Hana bought us a room for 2 nights at the most luxurious hotel I’ve ever stayed at, Hotel De Sal Luna Salada.  Everything in the place is made entirely out of salt taken from the desert.   The floor is even covered with a carpet of salt.  It crunched under my feet as I walked.

It’s an isolated hotel in the middle of a pure salt desert and seeing that it’s in a 3rd world country, all the games in the game room were broken.  Their one ping-pong ball, the darts, all the pool sticks….etc.  But we played with them anyway and laughed our asses off.  Hana drank 5 large gin and tonics and got the asian flush.  That’s the night we met Alejandro.  A pilot for the Peruvian airline.  The three of us had the best time together.  Like we’ve been friends in a previous life, carried over into today.  It’s still so odd for me to meet someone for the first time and feel like I’ve known them my whole life – that’s how it was with Alejandro, a young man from Lima.

I loved Bolivia.  It’s not an easy place to get into for wayward backpackers like us.  Before we left for Bolivia, I researched what was needed to enter the country.  Evidence that we’ll be leaving, a hotel that we’ll be staying at, and a passport photo.  It’s even more difficult for Americans and journalists because we have to pay to get in.

I thought it wise to get our Bolivian visa’s in Cusco at the embassy so that way our bus wouldn’t take off without us while we fumble with the paperwork.  This has been known to happen when the process takes too long.

We show up at the embassy with nothing but smiles and good intensions.  Then we were directed to go to the nearest internet cafe to print out our paperwork because smiles weren’t enough proof that we’re good, law abiding people.

I was so glad we got that done and out of the way.  We were both proud of ourselves for being prepared.  We actually had to buy our plane tickets home in order to get into Bolivia and you know that can be time consuming.

Bolivia was awesome but the moment Hana left to catch her plane back home, my luck went out the door with her.

My plane was the next day.  Early morning.  So early that I wouldn’t allow myself to fall asleep for fear of missing my flight.  I had no cell phone to set my alarm, no clocks in hotel rooms in Bolivia and I didn’t trust the front desk to call to wake me up.  So I had to stay up.  I had no choice.

I hop in a taxi at 4:30am the next day and drove up to the top of the mountain where the La Paz airport resides.  The views are stunning.  La Paz is dusty, dirty and old, but good lord it’s stunning from the top of that mountain.

I find out that my flight has been cancelled.

Delays are one thing, but cancelled completely?  What do I do?  I don’t even have a phone!

By gods good graces, the La Paz airport has a computer room that also let’s you make long distance calls.  I had to find the Bolivian phone number for American Airlines on the computer and call them.  The next flight was two days later.

So I drove back down the mountain, found a hotel, and slept until noon.  Thankfully, Bolivia is cheap as hell.

La Paz is the capital of Bolivia.  As I lay bored in my hotel room, I can hear a celebration happening a few blocks away.  The same celebration being televised on TV.  It funny how many TV stations in Bolivia cover everything that goes on in La Paz whereas America is just too big for that.  It’s not tightly knit.  I’ll never get on TV but in Bolivia, everyone’s a star.

I just wanted to go home so badly at that point.  I was worried about my business, worried about not having any money left in my account, worried about my parents….I was freaking out.

I’m laying in my own bed now.  I got home at 3am this morning.  I don’t know what the hell I ate or what, but I contracted a nasty stomach bug.  My stomach started gurgling during my first flight (Santa Cruz) and as soon as we landed I went straight to the bathroom and was shocked at what came out of me.  Then it happened again on my second flight of which I couldn’t hold it in and had to shit 30,000 ft above ground in the tiny shaky airplane toilet.  And then it happened again minutes before my third flight.  My flight was boarding at 7:05PM and that’s the time it hit.  I ran to the bathroom and I couldn’t stop going this time.  It didn’t have that “okay I’m done now” feeling and my asshole kept wanting to dry-heave (sorry for the imagery).

I was vaping during all of this, while sitting on the toilet and murmuring, “oh god….shit.  Oh no oh no please stop.”

I had no cell phone to tell me the time.  I was afraid of missing my flight due to being stuck in the bathroom.  I thought about the two girls who weren’t allowed to board their flight because the doors closed moments before they arrived.  They, for some unknown reason, boarded the plane and decided to leave it a few minutes later.  When they returned, the attendants wouldn’t let them back in.  Once the doors were closed they stay closed.

Me thinking – “Why the hell did they leave the plane once they were on it?  Did they not see the time?”

One of the girls made a scene, swearing up a storm as Americans do and then broke down in tears saying, “I don’t know what to do, what do we do?  Our luggage was on that plane.”

They were in Miami going to Boston.  For me, it didn’t seem like that big of a deal.  But sitting on that toilet right when my plane was boarding for takeoff, I felt sorry for judging her.

I still have the stomach bug.  Every time I eat, it all comes back out.  At least this happened after my trip and not during.

Man, I’m home.  I miss Hana.

Hana – “We’re perfect to travel with.  I complain and you don’t.  You’re a very positive person.”

Me – “I bottle everything up inside good and tight.”

Hana – “It’s destiny that we met.  We can grow old together, not have children and just change each others diapers.”

Me – “I never wanted kids so I can totally do that.”

Hana – “Are you sure?”

Me – “I’m sure, pinky promise.”

She does her weird asian pinky promise thing and walks me through the process.

It’s just like having a best friend in junior high.  Girls our age don’t talk like that anymore.  I forgot how much I like hearing sentiments like that.  It makes me feel loved.

Hana makes me feel loved and cared for and the only thing she wants in return is for me to travel the world with her.

I don’t know….call me crazy but if my life from now on consists of world travel with a person who sincerely cares about me, I’ll be pretty damn happy with that life.  I’m okay with that.

 

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