Day 12

Whelp today kicked my ass.  Last night I ate cup of noodle soup for dinner.  This morning I ate cup of noodle again and a small sandwich for lunch.  I was running on zero calories.  I’m famished.  I’m in a town called Granon.  Another cool small village.  They’re all cool really.  I walked from Azorfra which isn’t far, probably 22km at most.  

I can get away with only spending 5 euros today.  I’m staying at an albergue that only accepts donations.  They also feed me for free.

But that’s not going to happen.  I’ll give them at least $10 but all I have are 50’s that the ATM given me.

Utah and Canada are here. Two guys around my age who love to drink and socialize so I’ll probably get change from the mini mart by buying a forty.  I just hope there’s a mini mart.

But first I must shower and wash my clothes by hand.  Unfortunately for me, that sounds horrible.  Horrible because I can’t move.  I don’t want to move.  It’s chilly and my bra is sopping wet from either sweat or not fully drying from yesterday’s wash.

Two super nice women just got here.  They’re both overweight Swedish woman with red faces I passed along the way.  They’re out of breath from the hike.  And there’s also an Irish woman here.  Everyone is so freaking nice it’s bordering on absurd how helpful and wonderful all these people are.  Even though we’re all bedraggled and hurting and starving and somehow both sweaty and cold at the same time.  Everyone is immaculately courtious.  

When I was in Nepal, my travel group was mean.  Seriously mean.  Despicably mean.  How, out of all these fabulous travelers in the world, did I end up with sour gossips for my first big trip?  How is that even mathematically possible?  

But anyhow, it happened for a reason.  I know that now.  My life would be way different today if those girls were nice.  

Life is crazy!  I mean seriously.  It’s like the more shitty the hand you’re dealt, the greater the probability of getting yourself out of it.  Because nothing is holding you back anymore.  Nothing is distracting you.  All you’ve got are your goals that keep you sane.

It’s when life is just ok, that’s where the years fly by with no change.  When there’s no growth or progress.  Just resentment for the people in your life who love you the most.  The ones who “hold you back” and love their life even if things are just “ok”.

No ONE person should be anyone’s answer nor should they be held accountable for your life. 

I resent my parents, sure.  They love me the most and try to hold me back but I love them regardless and in the end I do exactly what I want anyway.

I’m completely free.  Not beholden to anyone.  And I’m not scared of that, I’ve never been.

The Camino, each time I walk it, I get a little closer to who I really am.  And more empathetic, less scared of people.  Less scared of the mean ones anyway.

I’m regaining some of my “fuck everyone” attitude.  I don’t mean it negatively, it’s just that the more I’m able to stand alone without being influenced by anyone’s gossip or negativity or their perception of me, the more liberated I feel.  It gives me strength and courage to be who I am.

Luckily I love who I am.  I’m proud of myself.  Even if I end up not losing any weight on this trip, I still gained/remembered my unique perspective.  It makes me, me.

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