It’s 4 in the morning and I can’t sleep

I’m normally a sleep junkie.  Certifiably reliable in the sack.  But here it is at 4 in the morning and I’m trying to piece words together.

I’m not listening to my audiobook tonight, that’s partly why I’m not asleep yet.  The other part is that I spent about 5 or 9 hours researching what bike to buy for my cross-country adventure.

But before I get into that, I’ll start from the beginning.

I’m miserable.  Dog gone freaking miserable.  If it weren’t for my friends kicking my heals (and the sweet sweet allure of alcohol), I’d be in bed curled up in a fetal position all afternoon.

I sound like a little bitch.  A whiny, spoiled crybaby – but I can’t do a goddamned thing if I’m being sued.  What is there to do?  Mope.  I’m eloping with moping.

I lost my happy and the only thing that cheers me up to some degree is the thought of going far far away down the Californian Pacific coast highway, singing about rusted tin roofs.

In the last few hours I decided to first buy a Harley, then I wanted a Triumph Street Twin, then I downgraded even more to wanting a simple motoped, YouTube said Motopeds are shitty bikes so now I’m in the market for an electric bicycle.

I went from wanting an iconic Harley Davidson to an electric bicycle.

But I can’t buy one.  I can’t do anything.

I’m saturated with boring personality syndrome as of late.  BPS for short.  I think it has to do with listening to audiobooks before bedtime.  Instead of my active imagination keeping me enthralled, looping pretend conversations in my head, being the hero of an ISIS attack – I fall to sleep in mind-numbing blissful routine.  Practically morphine induced.  Audiobooks work like a drug.

Think about it.  Drugs are mind altering, right?  Isn’t that the whole purpose of listening to an audiobook?!

So I’ve been on drugs unknowingly for a while now.

My brain is dead partly from that.  And the crushing realization of a pending lawsuit against my business that cost me a decade of my life to build.

Damn, I forgot why I wanted to write this post.  I thought it out in my head beforehand but I lost it.

Melanie, what ARE you doing?

No, I think I wrote what I set out to write.


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