$$$

$8,826.  That’s how much money I had in the bank October 18th (yesterday).  Last month I had $5,793, a difference of $3,033.

Why so much?  Honestly, I couldn’t tell you.  I did sell a few signature couple’s massages by sending out a mass email to 3,000 subscribers, but that still doesn’t account for such a large hike.  I haven’t made any big purchases this month and one of my employee’s left us for a retail position, so I’ve been massaging a lot more.

Was my ex-employee stealing from me?  Is that it?  In combination with her leaving and with me taking her clients instead, explain why I have so much more money this month?

And I have even more than $8,826!  I have a little over $500 in cash stashed away from this past week that I have yet to deposit.

I sold a few signature couple’s massages on Groupon and so I’m expecting a check of $3,300 to be deposited in my account tomorrow.

But I don’t get it….how did I make so much?

I’m saving around $1000 by massaging Amaris’s clients (my therapist who left), I made at least $1000 from those couples massages I sold with the email burst, so that’s $2000 and well, no, I guess that’s right.  Yeah, I legitimately made an extra $2000 this month.  I just figured it out.

But I’m not ruling out that my employee stole from me.  She could have set up her own square account and ran credit cards through it without me knowing, having the money go directly into her account and pass the client off as having a groupon or GC.

I’m setting up a new system that would make doing this IMPOSSIBLE.  I caught her in a few questionable acts before, that’s what’s causing my suspicion and plus I find it hard to believe that the excess of money is all from me working more.

Since I hired 3 new therapists, it won’t be hard to implement my new protocol on how to handle GC’s and Groupons – “It’s a way for me to easily keep track now that so many people work here, I needed a better system.”

I should have around $9,000 in the bank next month once my rent check is cashed.  $9000 at the beginning of the month.

Why $9,000?  I have $7,600 now, plus $3300 from groupon would make it $10,900.  Minus next months rent brings it down to $9,025.  I have a couple more bills to pay this month and I plan on making at least $700 – $1000 now until the 31st which will pay for these bills.  So yeah, $9,000 sounds about right.

July 18th when I wrote “Day Off Ramble”, I had zero dollars in the bank planned for August 1st.  And now I have $9,000?  If I break that down day by day, that’s a span of 90 days, $9,000 divided by 90 is $100.  So I make a net income of $100 a day.  This is net income after spending money.  Once every bill is paid, supplies restocked, beer bought, fun nights out deducted, I still have a net worth of $100 a day.  It’s more like a net NET worth.

This, to me, sounds like very good news.  And that’s not even the start of the good news!

I sold signature couples massages for about a week on Groupon along with a regular massage for a single person, and in that one week alone I made the business over $5,000 (groupon holds a portion of the money, that’s why I’m only getting $3000).  And the business isn’t phased with an on-slaught of clients.  I didn’t sell enough of them to cause an onslaught.

Which means I made the business $5000 without going into Groupon debt.

Things are going good.  Really good.  And when things go good, my trust plummets.  I don’t trust it.  And my most pressing trust issues are with not having enough therapists on the schedule.  I want clients to be able to book!

My most requested therapist is in the hospital, another employee is dropping two of her days (hopefully temporarily), last month that other employee left, all of this happened suddenly without warning.  I went into freak-out mode.  This afternoon while driving to work, I was near terrified.

It felt on-par with evil August of last year, the terror I felt.

“I need therapists but what can I do?  I put an ad on Indeed, the newspaper, Craigslist, SEG career services, and the 4-day free trial of Ziprecruiter.  All I can do now is wait.”

When something is out of my hands, I become the Imp in impatience.  Banging fists, muttering to myself.  What’s an imp anyway?  A mischievous child, a devil, a sprite.

I’m an imp trying to conjure up plans and scheming.  Doing EVERYTHING in my power to fix things.  It has been 6 days since my therapist went to hospital but it feels like weeks.

One of my new hires sent me an email this afternoon of all the days she can work in November and another therapist is working on cutting back hours at her other job so she can work here.

I sent an email to all our member clients explaining the situation I’m in with my sick therapist whom most of them love.

Honestly, I did everything I can think of.  And when my new therapist sent me her availability earlier today, I was beyond thankful.

My emotions are strong when it comes to feeling anything at all, I feel everything so strongly, so sharply.  They’re never muddled or unclear.  My thoughts on most topics aren’t muddled or unclear, so why should my emotions be?

They’re like daggers.

And now what am I feeling?  Thankful and hopeful now that my new therapist is on the schedule more often.

I’ve made the decision to go out on a limb and have more therapists working here, placed on the schedule, than needed.  This shortage will never happen again.

Once my sick therapist is back on the schedule, I’m quitting massage for good.

My landlord is working hard to clear out the extra massage room that I’ve added to my lease.  I can start decorating it as soon as it’s been cleared.  It needs a carpet and to be painted and both of these can be purchased through the Barter Network, costing me little money (and little work).

I’m beyond excited about decorating this new room.  It’s large enough for two massage tables and a 2-person sauna!

I consulted the I-Ching on October 11, two days before my sick therapist went to the hospital and it said that I’ll have “great relief once the ordeal is over”.  In the second hexagram, the one about the future, it says I’ll “install helpers and set armies marching.”  But the 6th being in first place tells me whatever happens, I can NOT brag.  It says that I’m really enthusiastic right now, but my enthusiasm will turn into egotistic emotions.

I-Ching – “Enthusiasm is only justified when it is a general feeling that unites one with others.”

I don’t have enthusiasm to be united with anyone, I have it for quitting massage, paying my debt, and taking my grand cross-country adventure next year.  It has nothing to do with uniting with others.  Although, it would be a nice bonus once my plans are complete.

I don’t feel like I ever brag, but I do take pride in my business.  But once my plan takes effect, once I’m retired from massage, and I’m taking my long journeys, I might start bragging.  I’ll only do it if my head isn’t clear and I feel inferior for some reason.  Like, even though I’ve succeeded, I’m still miserable.  I still fall short of happy even after all I’ve done.

Then I guess I’d start bragging.  I mean, could you blame me?  You seen these last 6 years on my blog.  If my dreams really do come true, and I’m still unhappy after all these years of trying……

No, I just can’t see it happening.  I’m happy right now!  Mainly because my new therapist is on the schedule.  With dagger-like emotions such as these, I always get these shards and splinters of sunshine.  They break off and lodge in me.

I’m miserable but it’s situational misery, based on having to do something I’d rather not do.  As soon as the job is done or problem resolved, I’m shot up with a gatling gun of sun rays.  But the gatling gun makes holes in me, disrupting my natural structure, I stop trusting myself or what lies ahead.  Damn sunshine.

I always had to do things I didn’t want to do as far back as I can remember.  This misery really IS who I am.  And to just be able to sit back and be free from it all, there’s no structure or sense to it, you know?  Freedom from work means freedom from myself.  So I have to keep grasping and holding onto struggle, creating problems that aren’t there. Because my ego is afraid to die, my old self is afraid to die.

Rational Brain – “Everything sounded good until you started transfixing.”

I’m making analogy’s, okay?  I can’t explain it any other way.

But I am feeling hopeful.  Extremely hopeful that I can go on my adventure next year.

******************

It’s unseasonably warm out lately.  I wore sandals and a short-sleeve shirt today, I’d say it was somewhere in the 80’s.  Absolutely beautiful perfect day even though no autumn was in the air.

I got out of work early, thought I’d go hiking but decided against it.

I don’t like to do anything that I can’t commit to and devoting myself to exercise is one of them.  Why bother with doing it for one day only?  My time would be better spent by blogging and relaxing.

I need to eat dinner, my mom’s getting upset.

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