I’m beyond prostrated. Debilitated, wasted, spent, and bleary-eyed.
I’ve been running around jagged this month and even got myself an exhaustion head cold.
Yesterday I fired an employee for driving me crazy.
That stuff she wrote about not being able to change her schedule is bullshit. And I never picked up or stolen her hours – I don’t want to work! I haven’t been on the schedule for probably a year now. She is literally crazy and delusional and I mean that in kind, not being mean here.
It felt good firing her though, ain’t gonna lie. She texted me every 5 minutes since she started working for me and honestly I’m surprised I let her stay for as long as I did. She called one of my favorite clients evil! She openly admitted to stealing from her other job! Not to mention clients don’t like her, my employee’s don’t like her.
She’s an indépendant contractor, so I don’t have to worry about any repercussions.
Today is my first day off in what feels like forever. A day off where I have nothing planned. A day off where I don’t have paperwork or “to do” lists. These are the days I live for and hopefully in time, will be all that is left.
I’ve been sitting on a blog post for a while now. One that I wanted to write about so bad but couldn’t find the time.
After I ate that psychedelic taffy, I went on a hippie forum to investigate other people’s experience with the “oneness” and read a post from a man who mentioned “Atman is Brahman.”
It’s Hindu, of course. The closest religion to truth.
Atman is another word for soul. We all have an Atman including animals and plants.
Brahman is “world soul” or “cosmic soul.” Basically, what we think God is. It is timeless, eternal, omniscient, and controls the show.
Hindu’s believe that Atman is Brahman. They are indistinguishable. But our individual selves can be sheathed in a veil, one that see’s hatred, envy, and fear. We separate ourselves from the divine, and not the other way around. Most organized religions separate us from the divine as a way to label and judge lesser people, or “evil” people. Without those evil people, saints wouldn’t exist. And without that separation, religions would be less permissible to kill for their beliefs.
The Us vs Them mentality makes us feel united and protected in an extended family of peers that share the same belief. To stave off feeling alone and meaningless.
But with Hindu, they greet others with Namaste which means “the divine in me recognized the divine in you.”
My grandpa used to live in a cottage in Rhode Island and his neighbors are basically like family to us. One of his neighbors has a son that my brother hung out with yesterday. This man has DMT, the god molecule or whatever they’re calling it. He smoked it and was taken out of his body (the son, not my brother). But I think this is my next step into learning more. I need to meet this guy. According to my bro, me and him make a good match. The guy sounds exactly like me.
I’m not looking to date, but I’m definitely interested in what he’s peddling.
“Atman is Brahman” is exactly what I experienced with the taffy. I always intuitively known it to be true, but this was the first time I really understood it. On an experience kind of level.
Why is all this stuff important to me? I’ve always searched for answers since I was a kid and never understood how anyone can go about their lives, living day to day without knowing what the point is.
Me as a child – “You work and live in a box with other people working and living in boxes next to you. Why? Don’t you care why?”
It scared me that they didn’t care. I understood that they were just too busy to care. I promised myself at a young age to never get trapped. I know it sounds like bullshit, but I swear to the gods that I remember it like yesterday. “Never get trapped Mel, don’t become them.”
Okay, enough on that. Explaining to you why I am how I am is not important and makes for a shitty read.
I love superpositions! I first learned about them when I was 18 and attempted to read “An Elegant Universe” by Brian Green. I had to read it over and over again because my brain couldn’t comprehend it.
Basically, any subatomic particle such as photons, electrons and atoms, exist in a superposition state until they are witnessed. The “witnessing” is called Decoherence. And Superposition means to exist in all possible infinite locations at the same time.
Basically the world acts crazy while you’re not watching it but as soon as you turn around to look, it goes back to normal. Like the toys in Toy Story 2.
Is it only human conscious that can decohere particles or can machines do it to? Apparently machines can also do it, which means our world can still exist if the AI’s in Battlestar Gallactica win. Physical reality won’t disintegrate and fly off into space as long as machines are here to decohere the subatomic particles.
Which makes me wonder, if Atman really is Brahman, how can machines possess our unique ability to measure the unmeasurable? Shouldn’t that just be the Atman’s job? Or should we factor in the superposition of time itself? If time is superimposed, maybe it knew we were watching the whole time, or will watch it?
Or we can approach this a bit more scientifically and note that these machines, in order to detect and measure a superimposed particle, has to bounce photons off the wave particle thereby breaking down its wave function and rendering it to particle form. So, both humans and machines can decohere probable objects into spacetime reality.
There’s another cool example about superpositioned particles…..
If you have two identical particles that were nurtured in identical environments and then try to measure them, they won’t be identical anymore. Because they existed in the smeared superposition world of empty possibilities, when measured, they were forced to become, to “choose”(if you will), one thing to be. Even though they should’ve been identical, they weren’t. They had to make a choice to become something.
Which enforces my theorem of all of us having a choice. We are not a product of our environment. But if subatomic particles can choose to be something, than is there a limit on what can possess an atman? Can individual subatomic particles also contain their very own atman? Albeit tiny and obscure? If so, why?
It’s like looking into a fractal, you know? There’s the Brahman, the big guy, then when you zoom in and keep going down and down, you see all the little facets getting smaller and smaller, never ending. It that the Atman? Never ending? If so, where am I? Is it like a pyramid scheme? All the little subatomic Atmans obeying me? Not being in existence without me viewing them? But then again, I wouldn’t be in existence without them either. If this really is a fractal world we’re in, I’m made up of those tiny Atmans.
It’s fun to think about this stuff on my day off. But I’m running out of steam and thinking about grabbing something to eat and spending the rest of the day in front of my video game.
But I do have to say, particles and waves are like people. Particle people see what’s there while wave people see the possibilities. Hokey? Yeah, I thought so too. But if you combine the two, magic happens.
I thought up an excellent idea for a new book. It’s called “When God Visits a Shrink…” It’s about a regular guy who goes to a shrink after winning the lotto because he’s suffering from delusions of grandeur and is scared that his thoughts alone can wreak havoc on the world. He’s becoming paranoid and panicked. He’s diagnosed with solipsism syndrome, but as the story progresses, I’ll include all my philosophical idea’s that I learned from ayahuasca and the pot taffy. And it’ll read like one of my debates with Rational Brain.
There’s an old iconic philosopher, I forgot who, Socrates or Plato or one of them guys, who said the best way into philosophizing is through debate. The best idea’s are brought forth in a question and answer format. The idea of God going to a shrink is the perfect scenario for one of these types of discussions! I’m really juiced up about it.
My parents just came home. It’s 4PM and I’m laying in bed in my pajama’s. They brought home chicken. Yum chicken! I haven’t eaten all day.
Anyway, Trat Tvam Asi and all that jazz, I really need to zone for the rest of the day with my big bucket of chicken and game controller.
At first I was curious. Curious to know more about reality and why we’re here, but now I’m just trying to get one up on the universe, you know? Now that I got a glimpse of it. If I had more days like this, once I get my fill of relaxing and laying about, and write my fill of the garbage that’s in my head – I want to one up the universe. Experience a little slice of magic.