I’m farting around on the internet trying to find others who’ve experienced the “oneness” I felt while tripping on pot taffy a few days ago, and I stumbled on Ram Dass’s article The Entrance to Oneness.
I skimmed it, but it doesn’t come close to what I experienced. It explains none of it. He talks about unconditional love, which I experienced while I had a semi-lucid nap at my old stink hole office laying on top of my massage table and yeah, he’s right on that. But what about the shared soul? What about all of us being God?
The thing about love is, we love because we fear. We wouldn’t have any need for love if fear didn’t exist.
This is from one of my taffy insights (read last post).
It’s a cycle really, a loop.
When we fear something, like an infant, we cling to what will protect us. And because we depend on and believe in the thing protecting us, we love it. We need it. The more we fear, the more we love.
I should say, the more we fear, the more we need love. And if no one loves you, you love no one because it’s not reciprocated. Because you get nothing from it. But you still want to be loved, you just don’t know what it is. Ram Dass talks about this, but I gleaned over the article so maybe I got it wrong, I don’t know.
But anyway, love is just as much an illusion as fear itself. They are two opposing sides of the same coin.
When you experience “oneness”, it’s like there’s no need for love or fear. Everything is exactly as it should be. It all fits. Evil is only unawareness, unbelieving. It’s the glass cup I wrote about in my last post.
The closest I ever came to god’s presence was when I was 18 years old and had an out of body experience where I ended up surrounded by white light. The light didn’t originate from anywhere, it wasn’t brighter in one spot and dark in another, it was like I was standing inside a blank screen like what happened to Neo in the Matrix, only it wasn’t blank. It was light. So hard to explain this light!
And what I felt wasn’t love. I felt an incredible power, so overwhelmingly intimidating that I had no choice but to capitulate to it. Resistance was futile.
Aside from that….
For me personally, love is protection. The more I love someone, the more I want to protect them. I want to protect them so they don’t feel alone which means in some weird roundabout way, I too want to be protected. As a defense against loneliness. It’s a subconscious belief. A belief engrained in me from having good parents.
If someone causes me harm, a close friend for instance, out of spite or jealousy or just to enjoy seeing me suffer, to gain power and control over me, I feel like that person doesn’t love me. I can’t wrap my head around it. Why would they do that?
So to me, love equates to protection. But it’s not just me, I witnessed this in many of the guys I dated. Many of them had this feeling also, that they had to protect me somehow. I guess it’s instinct? Of course it’s instinct. Even the guys I don’t date feel the need to protect me. And yes, I do enjoy it.
But some guys don’t have this instinct. It’s more like the opposite, they want to protect themselves.
Is love the same as trust? No, I don’t think so. You can love a little kid, but not trust them. But I wrote a while back that you can’t love anyone unless you trust yourself. Which is totally true and I still stand by it, but I’m not getting into that again.
Love is needed to defeat fear, but once you become dependent on it, once you feel that you can’t live without it or face the world alone, that’s when fear swallows you back up. More so than if you never knew love at all. The bigger they are, the harder they fall sort of thing.
That’s why it’s important for me to write. So I can always remember. That’s why I did ayahuasca, smoked a little herb. To loosen this attachment to love since all things are impermanent. And to be able to stand alone. It’s basically been my life’s mission to be strong enough to stand alone, without a life raft or the veils to shield me.
I’m definitely not there yet. But once I am, I’ll settle down (maybe).
If I don’t need love, I can give it more freely. Like the unconditional kind of love that Ram Dass talks about. For me personally, it’ll always come in the form of protection.
Oh shit, I completely missed the point of why I wanted to write this post. It’s about that Ram Dass article. He told a story of how being in the presence of his teacher, Maharaj-ji, he felt nothing but pure love. Not just him, but everyone surrounding him felt his love.
According to my psychedelic taffy insight, there is no truth. To be more specific, “the only truth is that there is no truth”. Maharaj-ji beliefs were so over-powering, that he psychically altered his students mind-states with his own. He created his truth, which happens to obliterate all fear so others can see clearly.
It’s not about love, it’s about the absence of fear. It reminds me of a post I written a while back, There Is No Snake.
Since we are all connected, all one, all gee-oh-dee, we are the creators of this world so who ever has the strongest belief, can influence change. It’s not about faith, it’s about actual belief. Feeling, not thinking. Definitely not thinking.
Oh god it’s late….Or should I say, “Oh me it’s late.” Or, “Oh you it’s late?”
Instead of saying “Oh my god”, we should say, “Oh my us.”
Shit, I’m really losing my mind now.