Day One

I’m too fat for my fat jeans.  Now I wear sweatpants.

In my 36 years, I never watched my weight.  I eat whatever and whenever but for the next 10 days, I’m on a strict diet.  It’s almost a liquid fast diet, but not quite.

I’m drinking shakeology three times a day and then a plain salad for dinner with grilled chicken on top.  I also bought this stuff on Amazon and just finished chugging it down with some orange juice (it’s not bad).  I need sugar in my 10-day diet, so one glass of OJ a day should do the trick.

This is day one, 6:00 PM, and I gotta shit….again.  Feeling like I gotta shit is relentless.

Oh and I’m allowing myself to eat as much celery as I want to help with the hunger but the only thing with that is, what I didn’t realize is, after eating 5 celery stalks it feels like my tastebuds are getting sizzled off.  Like when you eat an entire bag of salt and vinegar potato chips.  I think it’s the bitterness.

I’m peeing in places where pee shouldn’t come out.

It’s so strange not eating.  When I’m hungry, I eat.   I never wait for lunch *time* or dinner *time*.  I eat whenever the hell I feel like it.  I have to keep reminding myself no.  When I forget I’m fasting and start feeling hungry, I catch myself ravishingly running upstairs to the kitchen before remembering not to.

I wonder when I should eat my salad?  I also have one more shake to drink before the end of the day.


In other news, I hired another therapist.  I had to.  Since my therapist cut her hours, I’ve picked up the slack and remembered once again how much I hate massaging people.

I always think – “Yeah I can do it!  I can massage 6 clients a day 7 days a week if I have to!”  But then it actually happens and I remember no, no I can’t.  Screw this shit.

I actually went for a massage today and the therapist said, “we can do exchanges if you like.”  And I said, “I’d rather much pay you.”  Not that I don’t want to massage her, because I do, but I’m really just that lazy.  And besides, who wouldn’t prefer the cash instead?  Right?

My brain feels funky.  I think I’m dehydrated.  God I’m hungry.  Water is boring.

10-days from now I’ll be sitting in front of my TV tray in my bedroom catching up on all my Hulu shows (Naruto specifically) with a huge sushi banquet in front of me.  Money is flowing fast at work, so I can splurge.  I’ll start with 5 appetizers, then soup, salad, and my beloved chirachi sushi.

As for work…..

Money is coming in hunks.  Big massive chunks of green stacks.  Well, no, I shouldn’t say that.  But I feel we are moving along much easier than before.

Google just added my business to their maps.  So now we are listed on Google maps.  Since then, we’ve been getting a few randoms here and there.  Full priced clients.  People who sign up for the membership.  If the phones keep ringing like they do, I hope I can hold off on buying a receptionist until I can pay off my debt.  This is so hard to do alone.  It’s hard to keep up.

The only two things that hover over me are the threat of morbid obesity and my debt.  That’s it.  The rest is just keeping up with scheduling clients and making sure everyone is happy and supplies are stocked.  I probably spend $500 a month in petty cash just to make sure we don’t run out of shit.

Wow, I’m so hungry that I’m too tired to even want to eat.  Does that make sense?  I think I like fasting.  It’s one less thing I have to worry about; feeding myself.

I’m allowing myself to drink 2 beers tonight at my friends house.  No, no I shouldn’t.  But it stops up my hunger!  I can be on an all liquid diet and beer is certainly liquid.

My list:

  • paper towels
  • coffee creamer
  • sugar
  • tea
  • coffee
  • hand sanitizer
  • soap
  • laundry detergent
  • dryer sheets
  • ink
  • paper
  • bleach
  • lamina masks
  • paraffin wax
  • foot scrub
  • foot cream
  • lotion
  • oil
  • facial supplies

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