The first step into speaking mindfully is to not get emotionally attached to your, well, emotions.
Can’t be done? Think of it like this; you can spread your emotional marmalade all over a crispy cracker, but you don’t have to actually eat the cracker.
I’m listening to my meditation audiobook and it’s telling me not to get emotionally involved with what my brain is doing. Eating crackers was the best analogy I came up with.
See it but don’t indulge – don’t satisfy your craving for emotionally charged hormones because that’s all they really are, a way to get your fix.
And boom, you’re in control. You’re out of the loop. As long as you let yourself experience the emotional marmalade without seeking answers to fix them, you’ve dislodged yourself from being controlled by them.
The second thing you must do is to realize that nothing is ever about you. Don’t think of yourself while conversing or confronting, aka, eating the cracker (see first step). The minute you start indulging in yourself and your “entitled” needs is the precise time you lose conscious, meaningful speech (and thought).
It’s not about you, it’s about the whole.
Always think about the other person or people. And in doing so, you end up creating exactly who you want to be. And you become a conscious person not being controlled by emotional needs. You can see past yourself.
When people tell you to “just be yourself,” conscious thought brings you to this. To just be yourself means to see past yourself and realize there is no “you”, only the you you want to be.
This involves knowing who you’re not. It’s not about knowing who you are, but knowing what kind of person you’re not.
There’s actually a name for this. A few religions include the art of subtraction in their teachings. Christians call it Via Negative, the negative path. In Hindu they call it Neti-neti which means “not this, not that.”
I know all this because I lived it. I taken myself out of the equation and focused all of my attention/empathy on the person I was speaking with. And the art of subtraction, I learned that on my own in high school when I came to the conclusion that there is no “me”, no set personality. I had to subtract in order to define.
I was seeing past myself for a very long time until my crazy aunt and OCD cousin moved in, I ran into some trouble, financially and emotionally – I felt trapped and I lost myself. I indulged on eating those emotional marmalade crackers until my teeth rotted out in my dreams.
When you’re in the hole, you become scared and cling to comfort. You avoid truth. You indulge in addictions which includes eating the crackers, trying to find reason where there is none. Addictions let you escape confronting and accepting emotions. Talking non-stop, not being present, is as much of an escape (addiction) as heroine.
To sum it up, the only thing you must do in order to be the sun, the gravity in the room, is to see past yourself. If you do this properly, you’ll witness true reality and see first hand that it’s really not about you. This can be achieved with conscious speech.
So few people do this, that’s why there aren’t many suns in the room. You’d be lucky to see one. One person who is conscious and aware.
To recognize a sun, they are often found in the thick of things but they can step aside from it by choice, which can put people off. They are equally resented as much as they are loved. They are the one’s who don’t judge, who often love everyone, and they stop you from eating marmalade crackers because they can’t stomach it themselves. They can’t watch nor listen to you eat them. They see it as selfish and they intuitively know that selfishness leads to more suffering.
They don’t take anything seriously which can piss people off.
You know you’re in the presence of a sun if they make you feel good about yourself. When you like who you are in their eyes, that’s when you’ve met someone who can see past themselves and look into you.
Weak selfish people cling to the suns perception of them, feeding off it like it were a marmalade cracker. If the sun turns it’s gaze, the selfish will start to shrivel in the shade. But the thing about the sun is, it’s always bright and giving off light 360 degree’s around – the only thing that’s capable of blocking it is a selfish person’s own ego.
I better end this post. I’m getting transfixed again.