The comfort of the dead of winter

With my new explosive problem looming on the horizon, I’m doing what any sane business woman would do; closing my eyes as tight as I can until I disappear and I’m left with just a really long forehead.  I’ll open them again once the storm passes.

The detective stopped by the office today.  It was nice having my employee’s there with me.  It’s like I don’t have to go through it alone.  They are all on my side.  The detective was even on my side.  The support I felt was very, well,….supporting.

Um nom shabody Um nom shabody….relax.

I’m ignoring it.  I’m ignoring everything.  I’m asking the appropriate questions and doing what needs to be done, other than that, I’m ignoring it when it’s not there in front of me.

I just woken up from a nap.  I’ve been extra sleepy lately due to sunburn.  I don’t apply sunblock to my face anymore because it always gets in my eyes, and I forgot to wear my hat so I brought home a lobster face after boating on the Connecticut River.

Connecticut is so beautiful……

Summer is my favorite season.  I love it more than anything.  But because there’s a fine line between love and hate, I actually hate it now more than I love it.  I hate it simply because I can’t have it.

It’s been one problem after another this summer.  I had to be at work almost every single day.  And when not at work, I was majorly impacted with money issue’s.

And so, my new favorite season is the dead of winter.  I don’t give a shit about the dead of winter.  The dead of winter doesn’t make me feel guilty for missing its bleak frigid stiffness.  Like a cold shoulder you can count on to be cold, you’re not hurt or taken aback by expecting anything less.

Tonight is my science fiction book club meeting and I’m laying here in bed not wanting to go….again.  But I read the book and I liked it this time, and the organizer posted a message saying she has wine, lots of wine and she’ll hunt us down if we don’t show up.

My stupid grinning face is on the list of people who are going.  I’ll feel bad if I pull another “no show” .  Plus, these are my kind of people.  Superhero aficionado’s, video gamers, and gadget geeks.

The other day I was studying up on origami by watching YouTube tutorials (I watch how to make them but never actually do it), and guess what one girl posted in the book club group?  A link on how to build Iron Man origami!  Yoda, the dementors from Harry Potter, Batman, and a few others were there.


I can’t believe this is my branch of the category tree.  This is the stereotype that I fall into.  It would be awesome if any of them would want to make funny YouTube video’s with me – yes, I’m a total geek.

A geek of my caliber isn’t afraid of the camera.  I have countless home video’s to prove it.

I’m inching my way closer to freedom (as long as my new explosive problem stays under wraps).  By freedom I mean, I’ll finally have time to blog more, travel more, live more fully – time to build those damn origami figurines!

This was a hard summer.  So hard in fact, that all I want to do is hibernate.  I want to sleep it off.  Sleep for the rest of my life actually.

I had a few golden nuggets of sunshine, but they were overshadowed with worry.  They took place only to show me what I’ve been missing.

I even had a hypochondria scare!  I thought I had jaundice, which is a disease that points to an even greater illness.  Like pancreatic cancer, or any type of cancer really.

I painted my nails black and when the paint chipped off, I could see in the sunlight that my nails had yellowed.  I freaked out.  I had trouble breathing, I got lightheaded, I felt like I might collapse……

This hasn’t happened to me in a very long time – panic induced by hypochondria.

“This isn’t real Mel, it’s not real.”

“But my nails are yellow!  My eye is yellow too!”

I’m still a little freaked, but it’s wearing off.  I’m not 100% certain it’s due to my black nail polish.


1 Comment

Filed under journal

One response to “The comfort of the dead of winter

  1. Dude. Certain nail polishes(which are laquers) will do that. Or If u leave it on too long. Which I do constantly, which is why I have on shiny white(I can get away with never removing it, ha) I can see on my right thumb -yellow under nail this very moment. Don’t freak out. Stare your fears down and say ‘so what’ ‘that all ya got!?’ Even I u did have jaundice. Which you don’t. 🙂 also I work with nurses, u don’t have jaundice. 🙂
    Detective??? Arg I’m gonna have to find old posts to figure that one out, curious.

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