Knowing Demon Mel

I just ended a post and started up a new one!  It’s the same night, a few minutes later, and here I am still exhausted.

I just wanted to clarify something and I may need the help of Rational Brain to do it.

Rational Brain – “You rang?”

I totally contradicted myself by writing that you shouldn’t adapt.  More accurately, I contradicted Bruce Lee, “Be like water my friend.”

It’s wrong to adapt to something you’re not passionate about.  Like shitty jobs or shitty friends.  It’s only then do you feel pieces of yourself ebbing away.

Whoa, I feel like I just taken this concept on a much deeper level.  Ayahuasca level.  Hold on, let me explain.

It’s not about you adapting to the environment, it’s about the environment adapting to you.  You become one with it.  You own that shit (I’ve been saying that a lot).

What’s the environment?  Anything that isn’t you.

How do you do this?  By remaining present and in the moment.  By conspiring with your inner Demon – the so-called “bad” guy who wants to do only what *he* wants to do (aka, your true nature, your true intent).

So what are you adapting to exactly?  Nothing.  The environment is adapting to you.  You remain still, like water.  Ahhhh I totally get it.

In essence, you’re not fighting anything.  You’re not fighting the current by being miserable by refusing to adapt to the environment.  Instead, your working with it.

When I don’t adapt while massaging someone, I become miserable.  I clash with the situation.  My true intent (money and freedom) has to be sacrificed for the greater good of the client and I’m a little less miserable by doing so.  How is this a bad thing?

By denying my true nature, my environment will never adapt to me.  It leads to stagnation.

The question is, who is this Demon Mel?  What exactly is my true nature?

There is no you, only desires.

By relinquishing my desires, I’m less miserable.  How is this a bad thing again?

Why are you relinquishing your desires?  Is it out of fear of never obtaining them?

Yes.

So, I’ll never be rid of my desires as long as fear controls them.

I know how I sound right now, I know.  But I can’t shake the Law of Attraction and how ayahuasca told me I’ll never obtain anything out of fear.

Everything coincides.

I have to accept that I do desire money and freedom and by accepting my desires, I accept my inner demon.  The one capable of transmuting my surrounding environment.

I have to remain still, like water, and present, unchanging.  I have to work with what is there.  No conflict, no turbulence, just pure intent.

Okay, well, I polished that thought up nicely enough.  I just wonder if I’ll ever implement it?  Because whenever I let Demon Mel sit and stew, I befall to hatred.

“I really hate this.”  Is my prevailing thought.

Rational Brain – “That’s just weakness.  It’s doubt.  And it happens when your actions don’t match up with your intentions.”

I think I’ll end this post the way it is.  I’ll just keep going around in circles if I don’t.

Rational Brain – “And I think you’ve written about this before.”

Hence, it goes around in circles.

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Filed under journal, philosophy, random thoughts, Self help

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