I have an immense ability to focus. But sometimes my focus can lead to obsession and addiction when not in check.
I also have an intense ability to dream. Before I started my business, I feverishly leapt from one interest to another. Tenderly loving each subject that pulled at my heart strings.
A normal person falls in love with another human being (or animal or table, who’s to judge?), but I fall in love with my dreams. It’s always been like that. All because I still have the childish belief of thinking that I can accomplish anything.
I feel like I can accomplish anything. I feel like I can MASTER anything. So why haven’t I? I couldn’t decide on what to do so I fell into a massage therapy profession.
The course was affordable, full-time pay for half-time work, I can be my own boss.
I needed to get out of waitressing ASAP and massage fit all my criteria. My alternative was going to college but I hated the thought of it especially since I couldn’t decide on a subject. I had too many and it crippled my decision making it into a standstill.
So with heavy deliberation, I went to school for massage. It happened the same way I bought my car – it was the only thing that made sense. All other choices didn’t fit.
Am I doing life wrong?
I don’t know, but I’m feeling the fever again. The one you get when you fall in love. Life feels like a miraculous dream kind of fever.
I want to become a sushi chef!
I’m watching Crunchyroll. It’s like Netflix, but strictly for anime and other Japanese TV shows. I’m watching a Japanese teen drama called Mischievous Kiss – Love in Tokyo, and the father on the show is a sushi chef.
That’s all it taken to alight my new dream ablaze.
I LOVE sushi. I love all food, especially from different cultures, but sushi is special. A delicious art. It meets all my criteria and then some.
Intricacies… I have a thing for delicateness, precision, cleanliness and simplicity. I love mastering creative endeavors. I love pleasing people with something that I created. I don’t create anything when I give a massage.
It’s a labor of love, one that doesn’t require me interacting with people on an intimate level like massage. I’ve spent 10 years toiling away at it and never had that “ah ha” moment of victory and accomplishment.
And learning how to become a sushi chef ties in with my other dream – my absolute ULTIMATE dream. They fold together like seasoning in a rice ball.
My back is all sweaty. I ran upstairs to tell my parents the happy news and my Dad started laughing (in delight), my Mom disproved like she always does. Only after finding out I’ll have to spend 12 weeks in California.
But this is it. I feel like I’ll never fall out of love with this idea – I’ll marry it to the grave and beyond, through sickness and in health.
My life is weird. I’m sure it’s weird for everybody, but nobody pays any attention to just how weird it all is.
For instance, just before leaving for Thailand, I watched a move called Lost in Thailand. I thought it would prepare me for my trip. Anyway, the two guys in the movie ended up at a fish spa where these little bottom feeding fish nibble dead skin off your feet.
“That’ll be weird if I ended up going to that same fish spa.”
I had a feeling that I would get my feet eaten at that same fish spa in the movie. I couldn’t shake the idea.
About a month later, where do I find myself? At that same freaking fish spa!
Me – “This looks really familiar. I think it was in a movie I seen.”
I step back to take a better look at the place and there, taped to the window, what do I see? A picture of a film crew, the two men from the movie and underneath saying “Lost in Thailand was shot here.”
Me – “Holy crap.”
I wasn’t purposely seeking it out, had no idea where in Thailand this particular fish spa was (there’s thousands of them) let alone what street. My mind was officially blown.
But stuff like this happens all the time to everyone if they paid attention to it. I was on vacation so my mind was soft, quiet and curious – therefore, completely open. But come back home again and we’re all hard, closed, and overcome with distraction.
I did nothing today. It was beautiful, absolutely beautiful. The perfect day for a soft, quiet and curious mind.
Yes I will become a sushi chef. Just like seeing that fish spa in the movie and feeling a connection to it, I feel I will become one. A sushi chef, not a fish spa.
Itamae, the proper name for a sushi chef. See, I’m learning already!
My ability to focus coupled with my ability to dream, folded into eerie coincidences and the belief that I can accomplish anything, well, my life is weird indeed.
I’m 35 years old but I feel like a giddy little girl holding onto the bars of a Merry Go Round, just living in the moment. I have my new work schedule to thank for that.
It’s Sunday and I don’t have to work again until Tuesday and on Tuesday it’s only for an hour. I want to take guitar lessons. I want to study. Draw, paint, write, spend quality time.
I want to drink gin martini’s. I’ve been craving them for several days now. I never drink at home, not even after a hard day – I never had the need. But now I want one.
Rational Brain – “They’re bad for you and alcoholism runs in your family.”
But I haven’t drank at home in 14 years!
Rational Brain – “But you drink like a fish whenever you go out. Don’t start a harmful habit.”
Damn you rational brain. It’ll help me sleep better.
Rational Brain – “You slept until 11 today, noon yesterday, you have no problems sleeping.”
I want to celebrate. My life has direction, purpose, and meaning. I just have to get through this sticky part. The constantly breaking even part of it.
If I had this many clients last year, I would have at least $50,000 in the bank today if I didn’t hire more therapists, add facials, or rented the two rooms upstairs. Instead, I fed that money back in. I did it for this; So I could wake up free each day.
My plan is working and I knew there would be difficulties and risks. I anticipated all of this. But I’m exactly where I worked so hard to be, finally on the brink of profit. It’ll only take 50 more people to sign up to the membership. I’m at 150 now, but another 50 will put a steady $10,000 in the bank every month.
I have a plan for Christmas. I’ll have at least 200 members by Christmas. I just have to get through these next six sticky months ahead.
As far as my employee’s goes, I’m one lucky bitch is all I can say. Damn lucky. Laurie finally quit after I cut her hours, so now I have a full solid team. We are golden and get along.
Adonis, Crista, Holly, Marlyn, Kasey, Anthony, Molly & Shaggy. They all know about my ultimate dream which I have yet to write about, and they all want to be a part of it.
I don’t want to write about my ultimate dream in fear that I may jinx it. I can write about becoming a sushi chef because that’s a sure thing, but my main goal is still too far out of reach. Like you’re not supposed to tell people you’re pregnant until the third month. My ultimate dream has just been conceived.
If it doesn’t rain tomorrow, I’m doing my Iron Man walk of shame again.