What Have I Been Up To? Shame ol’ Shame ol’

It’s the beginning of the month and my business is once again killing it. My projected income this time next month is $2,000 more than what I started with this month, $4,000 more than what I had in the bank this time last month.

I’m slowly gaining back my composure but…..

This is a big but…..

My employee’s get paid THREE times in July! This means that I need an extra $3,000 in the bank so I can pay them.

I even out.

I completely even out. Not only do I even out, but I’ll be back in the red-zone. The zone of despair.  Nicking away at my personal line of credit.

My broken armed therapist will be performing shirodhara treatments soon. One of our regular clients told me about them. I won’t go into detail about shirodhara, but It sounds wonderful and my therapist is stoked to do them. So that should help me out a bit in the money department.

I have yet to do my humiliating marketing stunt. It’s been a full week since I started my new “work” schedule (which consists of no work), but each day I find myself busy.

Today I taught my niece how to drive. No one wanted to teach her because they’re all scared, so I volunteered to do it.

Me – “Have you ever met a really stupid adult?”

Alexis – “Yeah.”

Me – “Stupid people are everywhere and guess what? They all have licenses!”

Alexis – “That’s true.”

Me – “If they’re allowed to drive, you can definitely do it.”

She has trouble taking right-hand turns and knowing when she has the right away. Sometimes coming to a complete stop at intersections.

I had to give her lots of encouragement. And to be honest, I love my car but I know it won’t stay new looking forever. I’m not scared of a few dings and dents.

Me – “There you go you got this!”

Me – “Supurb, magnificent. I wish I had gold stars to give you.”

I made her park, back-in, K-turns, drive on the main road, drive to her house, drive to my friends house, drive on the highway and then to the mall.

Alexis – “Driving is actually fun! I like it. I don’t know what I was so afraid of before.”

Me – “Just imagine what else you can do. You can do anything.”

I sound like an awesome aunt, right? Well, all this was happening while I drank beer in the passenger seat and held on to the “oh shit” handlebar above the door.

Me – “You’re a rockstar, look at you go!”

While back at home…..

My bedroom was on fire.

My mom calls my cell – “You are in so much trouble! So much trouble!”

Me thinking that she spotted me with a beer while Alexis drove my car – “What did I do?”

Mom – “Your bedroom was completely lit up in flames!”

Me – “Wha..?”

Oh shit, the candles…..

I bought 2 candles from Amazon the other day, one for prosperity and the other for abundance. I lit them both while waiting for Alexis to get here and I forgot to blow them out. They had paper sleeves wrapped around them with prayers on them, that’s what caught on fire. The paper sleeves.

Mom – “I never saw your father so panicked. He ran around searching for the fire extinguisher like a mad man. I never seen him like that.”

Me – “How bad is it?”

Mom – “I haven’t been down there to see but there’s so much smoke up here.”

My broken armed therapist and my esthetician were talking the other day about these special prayer candles and how well they worked, and me being the impressionable type, bought them immediately.

But they DID work before setting my room ablaze. I made $326 dollars today for doing absolutely nothing.

I want to buy more but my mom says I’m not allowed to have candles in my room anymore.

The damage? Nothing really. There’s a black smoke ring on my ceiling above where the candles where lit, and a thin layer of ash on my dresser. I just smudged a smily face in the center of the black circle on my ceiling.

*********************

It’s now about a week later. It’s raining and I’m laying in bed with my electronic cigarette.

I can’t stop looking at my bank account.

***********************

It’s about another week later and I can’t stop looking at my big toe.

Last year in August, almost one year ago today, I got myself a pedicure in Ecuador.  Now, this pedicure is unlike any pedi I had before.  It was on par with a medieval torture apparatus (I have super sensitive feet), but the polish she used was incredible.  Incalculable lasting strength!  If my nails never grew, they would still look as fresh as the day they were painted.

She used acrylic nail polish.

IMG_2143-1Only a wee bit remains…..

I send updates about my big toe to the girl I got the pedicure with.  She’s the same girl I went to Thailand with.  To be honest, I’m going to be sad when the last of it grows out.  And I think Brianna will be sad too.

********************

Another week later.

Today was my humiliating walk of shame day.  My last resort day basically.  I walked up and down route 10, the busiest street in my hometown, to promote my business.  I was wearing this:

[Image removed due to creepy calls at my business]

Yes I was Iron Man.  No no no, strike that.  I AM Iron Man.

The costume is meant for a 6ft male, so everything hung askew including the helmet.  I had to keep adjusting myself as I walked so I wouldn’t trip over my own feet.

Nobody does shit like this where I live.  Nobody.

All I thought about was my brother driving by and throwing his milkshake at me out of his car window like Daryl did to Prince Akeem in Coming to America.

Here’s the thing, my business is doing splendid lately.  I’m not just breaking even anymore, but gaining momentum.  Not a lot of momentum, but there’s some.

Only for it to be taken away next month when my employee’s get paid 3 times instead of 2.  Plus I’ll need to pay my quarterly taxes pretty soon.

There’s no end to this.  Even with the numbers we’re pulling in this month, it’s still not enough to cover the cost of owning a small business with a receptionist.

But I can look at it this way; this time last year I was working non-stop, still broke-ass as shit and I had a quarter of the members as I do today.

Me last year – “I don’t care how broke I’ll be.  I HAVE to stop massaging.  I’ll pay whatever it takes to not have to massage anymore.”

And here I am one year later with 9 clients on the books this week.  Between Monday-Sunday, I have to work a total of 9-15 hours as opposed to 30-40.  And I hired my friend to clean the bathroom once a week, take out the trash and fill the lotion bottles.

This would have been an impossibility last year.

Anyway, I’m tired.

I’m going to do it again tomorrow.  My Iron Man walk of shame.  At least I get to exercise while marketing my business at the same time!

Iron Man don’t give a shit what people think of him.  He does what needs doing.

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