Om num sha body Om num sha body Om num sha body……
You know that feeling just before your heart gets ripped from your chest? When a big sweaty Indian man with crazed eyes sticks his hand in your chest (without sterilizing it first) and pulls out your still beating heart so it can burst into flames before your very eyes?
You know that feeling?
Well, I’m feeling it now. Right at this very moment. My eyes are wide with fright.
I just hired not one esthetician, but two. TWO!!! To do micro-current facials. I interviewed both of them today, one right after the other and I liked them both.
Shit shit shit.
I must pray. Do you have any idea how expensive employee’s are? They’re freaking expensive, that’s how much they are. Did you know a butt-load is an actual number? I’m serious. Butt is a unit of load. Look it up.
But these girls do it all….Waxing, scrubs, LED light therapy, body wraps – both being experts in the field and placed in top managerial positions at their previous jobs. I can easily see manager written all of them.
Thank the lord but OM NUM SHA BODY is my chant for this evening. Every time my mind wonders to something different, but then remembers – I’ll be chanting OM NUM SHA BODY all day today, and possibly into next month and the month after that.
I’m laying in bed. I just got home a little while ago. Should I sleep? I’m already lying here and in my pajama’s…..
OM NUM SHA BODY
Shit shit shit please oh please god.
I hope it works. I shall part the heavens with my prayer. I bought a Jesus bobble head for my car the other day and my mother blessed it with holy water. I’m going to sleep with it tonight.
I’m not religious in the least but when a person is dying, that’s when they pray. And since I’m having my heart ripped from my chest cavity and all…..
Why don’t they have stuffed Jesus dolls? Or Jesus action figures like GI Joe, only have it be GI Jesus? With his 12 disciples, lamb and myrrh accessories. The Jesus doll can cry holy water and excrete concentrated evil out his bum. Jesus Pocket instead of Polly Pocket. Jesus in a barrel instead of monkeys in a barrel.
Okay, so here’s my plan:
1) Get these girls on the schedule
2) Announce micro-current facials to my 2,000 clients
3) Sell 40 more memberships
4) Rent the two empty rooms upstairs
5) Hire more massage therapists
6) Take myself off the schedule so I only work one day a week (maybe two).
And by the summer I’ll be cruising across the country on my motorcycle.
The question is, can this be done? Can I seriously do this? By the summer? Without losing EVERYTHING in the process?!
I written down a few awesome philosophical debates for me and my rational brain to discuss, but I don’t have the capacity for it now.
Rational brain – “……….”
Yes that’s right. Stay silent.
I wonder if there’s anything to eat upstairs…