Welcome to my fishbowl

Writing reveals so much about a person.  It reveals things that I didn’t even know about myself.  Stuff slips out unannounced.  It’s like I’m living inside a fishbowl surrounded by a swirling darkness that everyone can see, but eludes me.

I can’t see it until both my arms have fallen off and I lose my sense of touch, my sense of false freedom while inhabiting such a small fishbowl.

Reading another person’s inky thoughts while peering inside their self-contained fishbowl, gives you full custody of my heart strings.  You know a side of me that I’ll never see.  I can never be outside my container.  And because I can never be outside, I can only see you as a reflection of myself.  Seeing you as my own guppy reflection making kissie faces at me, or looking at me like I’m crazy.

My heart will always belong to others.  I can’t really own anything.

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “Welcome to my fishbowl

  1. Wow. Great imagery! “I can’t see until both my arms have fallen off.” This is reminds me of the purpose of Zen koans, to make your mind go boing! and think in a new way.

    • I’m so happy someone noticed I was going for koan imagery! That’s what I had in mind while writing the post. I kept seeing myself swimming around in a fish bowl and causing my own whirl of swirling darkness. The more I swam, the more I couldn’t see anything. Then I the image of my arms falling off popped into my head and I felt peaceful and aware of what was going on.

      You’re probably the only person out of thousands that would see the koan in it. Not many people know about them or can recognize them.

  2. Happy serendipity to us! I’m delighted I picked up on your meaning, and kudos to you for being subtle yet clear.

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