The following is yet another one of my philosophical rambles. Very hard to understand, and possibly boring to read. I’m in one of my transfixed moods tonight, so if you’re not privy to these kinds of posts, go on ahead and skip it.
I think it was Fredrick Nietzsche who said we should accept the darkness in us. It’s part of us and it’s wrong to deny any part of who we are.
Okay yeah, I agree with him that we should accept our baser instincts. If we deny our impulses, try to hide them or cover them up, we are only hiding our true nature. When we don’t accept (or fear) the existence of our true nature, we become blind to it and not aware. And when we are not aware, we have no control.
Whatever we don’t accept, we judge. We judge because we fear.
Skeptic – “But what about pedophiles? Are you saying they shouldn’t hide their impulses?”
“Pedophiles have no compassion for themselves because they fear (don’t understand [don’t accept]) who they are. And because they have no compassion for themselves, they have no compassion for others. I’m not saying they should act on their impulses, I’m saying they shouldn’t deny the existence of them. The first step is admitting you have a problem.”
Skeptic – “But pedophiles accept who they are. That’s why they do what they do. It gives them permission to act. They’re not denying anything.”
“They are denying themselves. They don’t believe they can overcome their affliction, so they succumb to it. They lack faith in themselves (same as lacking compassion), and let their baser instincts control them. They have no awareness (control) of who they really are. Therefore, they are denying themselves.”
Skeptic – “I can’t understand anything you talk about.”
“If pedophiles accept their darkness without also accepting the light, they are denying themselves. They are unaware and have no control. They only see their desires (to fill the void where their faith should be), and let their ego control them. Any guilt they feel is only a reminder (or remainder) of any light they have left.”
Skeptic – “I still have no idea what you’re talking about.”
I have a systematic, structured philosophy. It all ties in with itself. But it’s hard to see the whole if you’re missing a piece. All the pieces are scattered throughout my blog, so it’s hard to follow – nearly impossible to follow actually.
(That’s why you should skip this post.)
Once again, here is my own personalized run-down of what happens when we deny God (compassion).
Love is the core, ethereal construct of aware existence. It’s the only thing that’s real and it permeates the nucleus of every atom. It is true awareness and true reality.
We sever this awareness with fear and doubt (by having no faith in God [ourselves]) and this is where our evolutionary journey begins.
Our individuality (journey) manifests itself by looking at the world through fogged up fear laden goggles. Our perceptions create who we are. And if we fear (deny) ourselves, we fear (deny) God. It’s a cyclical loop that’s really hard to comprehend. It’s a paradox and can’t be intellectually understood, but felt.
Radical honesty without denial is the first step into expanding awareness and eliminating darkness. And yes, people are scared to do this. They’re scared because of pride, because of ego. Because they can’t let go.
I haven’t read all of Nietzsche’s philosophy, but I want to expand a bit on his logic.
As I said in previous posts, honesty breeds compassion (and vice versa). Compassion leads to acceptance and forgiveness (first for yourself, and then for others).
When we can’t be honest (compassionate) with ourselves, we become unaware of who we are – we are not awake. We are puppets letting circumstances take over while we stumble in line with the rest of society so it can tell us what to think and believe.
This is all common sense to me. Supreme ultimate common sense. If someone is cold and cruel towards me, it’s them, and has nothing to do with me. Just like when pedophiles molest kids.
People are not aware.
It makes me feel dissociated and alone. To not feel part of the lie – the darkness, the ego, the fear. To not be able to connect with someone’s perceptions, to not have a shared experience of emotion. To know everyone, while nobody know’s me.
It’s like being at a club watching everyone dance to music I’m unable to hear. All I see is sex, validation, and loneliness at clubs. I’d be the one getting bitch slapped for not wanting anything from anyone.
Total frustration and anger.
Empathy is understanding, it’s feeling what others feel. But that doesn’t mean you have to agree with what people feel or how they act. Just like it is with having empathy for a pedophile. You can understand their darkness – but you don’t have to agree with it.
We agree with each other because we want to connect. We want to connect because we are scared – we cling to each other for safety. We do this by means of validation, control, games, power, and also submission.
When I was under ayahuasca, she told me that our one and only fear is that of death. And that all other fears stem from our one united fear of death. Ego arrises out of this fear and creates darkness – the physical world as we know it.
We fear being alone because we fear death (I won’t get into the reason why). And because most of us deny this fear, or won’t accept it, we let it control us by agreeing (adhering) to other people’s beliefs. We are not strong enough to stand alone.
If a little kid was truly fearful of being alone – fearful of death and of dying – they would agree to their molester. They’ll agree with them out of fear and perceive that this is the way of the world – how things are. They agree with them because they’re too small and too weak to stand alone. They’re too weak because they have yet to believe (have faith and compassion) in themselves.
And so they cling to someone “wiser” that supposedly know’s better.
These children will slip on a pair of fear laden goggles and as they get older, will become what they fear because they lack compassion for themselves and forgiveness for others (including themselves).
They become their fears because they never truly understood them and will always be pitting their dark and white wolves against each other to mash it out.
It’s an ongoing perpetual loop. And if you’re unable to see this happening with an extreme example such as child molestation, than you definitely won’t see it on the smaller scale.
We agree with people out of fear of being alone (fear of death), and we can’t forgive ourselves for our weakness in doing so. We don’t know who we are, and therefore cannot control what we are. The only power we hold is that of denial.
I have no idea. I can’t teach clarity to people because I don’t have it yet myself.
And besides, you’d need to understand this post before it has the slightest chance of helping you. It’s a lot of information and nearly impossible to digest, so don’t feel bad.
But when I decided to confront my fears, that’s when I became awake to my spiritual journey. That’s when shit hit the fan to teach me strength through suffering. It’s altogether not a fun process.
There’s a trick I learned that helped me. A way to stay strong, feel less alone, and aware of myself. Stay with me and try to grin and bear the following egocentric ramblings about myself.
Have you ever met a disassociated compassionate mirror? Like a Grandparent who let’s you live your life, or a really good counselor, or Albus Dumbledore from Harry Potter? Someone who know’s you, believes in you (loves you), but you don’t know them the same way they know you? Do you know anyone like that?
I don’t know anyone like that. I know my parents, all the teachers I ever had, all my friends – I deeply know them, love them, empathize with them, but they don’t know me.
Last week a new friend of mine told me that I was a puzzle.
“Everyone says that.”
I laugh and love consistently, super sociable and loved (and I mean really loved), by just about everyone I meet. I talk simply and clearly – far from anything I write in here. And I’m honest and real.
So what makes me a puzzle? What is it really?
This is possibly my narcissism talking, but if I had a Dumbledore in my life, or true love – I wouldn’t be a puzzle to them.
I’m too complicated (or simple maybe?) for anyone to truly love. And because nobody truly know’s me, there will always be a hint of fear, of resentment, of anger. It’s those things that want to change me, to steal myself to become like everyone else.
The people who fail at seeing only themselves, are the one’s who can see me. And they think I’m a puzzle. But for the people who see only themselves, they look at me as a normal everyday person and they attach stereotypes to me and assume I’m something I’m not – they do this as a way to give themselves power and control.
I know this because it’s what I do when I’m feeling lazy and defeated. When I’m unable to love or take interest in whomever I’m with.
But besides that, what I’m getting at is this; if you can’t find yourself a disassociated compassionate mirror – someone who know’s you, loves you, believes in you without judgement, than make one up.
I’m being serious. Hear me out.
Let’s pretend you’ve met the love of your life. Someone who see’s everything you are and can be. And I mean really feel it. Fantasize about this person before going to bed tonight (I can no longer do this because I listen to audiobooks).
If you do this right, you will start believing in yourself. I know it sounds crazy, but it’s real. Trust me. But whoever you make up in your head HAS to feel very real – like they’re watching you from a TV screen viewed from another planet or dimension. They are with you at all times. You are always loved. And they always see the best in you.
(This is actually a real thing anyway. We are always being loved and watched. If you follow my advice and make up a person, it will feel oddly familiar and natural to feel loved.)
You will never truly believe in yourself if you don’t have compassion for yourself and if you don’t have compassion for yourself, you won’t have it for others (I won’t get into the reason why).
Whatever people believe about you, either your fears or your hopes (ego) will ignite them into reality. Whatever they believe about you, you’ll also believe. You’ll believe it because you feel they are right. But if you see yourself through the eyes of transcending love, you can accept and forgive your faults – you can control them and become aware of who you really are.
If you need to make up a person in order for this to happen, than by all means, make one up. You can make one up until that real person comes into your life – which they will!
I know they will because of that dream I had when I was walking the Camino in Spain. Your attitude will attract the person you’re meant to be with. Whatever you believe about yourself, there’s a person out there who will believe and see it too. That’s real love without need and dependancy. Real love is inspiration, compassion, and truth.
Doing this helped me out. I only did it a few times – but that’s all it took.
I’m so tired. I didn’t mean to stay up late blogging. I was doing so well with getting my eight hours (for the passed two days at least).
This is yet another transfixed ramble by yours truly.
I’m a freaking philosopher! Holy shit I really am. I can’t help it either.
- Is pedophilia a sexual orientation? (thestar.com)
- Marriage equality, pedophilia, and the “slippery slope” (xen13.wordpress.com)
- Pedophilia Is a Sexual Orientation: Experts (newser.com)
- Day 90: Pedophililia – A Constitutional Right? (viktorpersson.com)
- Ford apologizes, says he didn’t mean to suggest reporter is a pedophile (calgaryherald.com)
- Self-compassion, day 8: Self-forgiveness (ellyvanlaar.wordpress.com)