Confession time

I taken pharmaceutical grade speed two days ago.  Only, I didn’t know it was speed.  It looked like the same harmless pill I found in my pocket the other day (I wrote about that here).  The pill in my pocket didn’t hurt me, so I didn’t think twice before swallowing another.

It’s no wonder I stayed up all night playing Heavy Rain.  I was on speed!

“What’s this do?”  I say while the pill slid down my gullet.

“It’s like speed.”

“This is speed?  Holy crap I like it.  It’s like drinking a ton of beer without feeling drunk.”

That’s the best way I can describe it.  Courage in pill form.

I was hanging out with a couple of guys who conveniently live down the street from me.  We were hopped up on speed, engrossed in thought, and talking fervently about life.  It was one of the best seven-hour conversations I ever had.  Are all seven-hour conversations good?  Or just the one’s where everyone’s on speed?

We talked until 4 in the morning and when I got home, I wanted to play my video game.  I wanted to blog and play my game.  But I ended up commenting on peoples status updates instead.

Speed is like being in the zone where all your best idea’s and thoughts reside.  You can tell when it starts to wear off when your idea’s stop sounding fantastic.  Or maybe speed only makes you think your idea’s sound fantastic?  I can’t tell..

But that’s the last time for me.  I like it, yeah, but it gives me insomnia.  There are negative consequences for every pill you ingest.  Insanity and insomnia being my two least favorite.

But you want to know the horrible truth?  If I were to go away for a while, to be away from my job, my friends, my family, and if I were to be someplace where I can focus on my book in peace – I would want to bring speed.

(Thailand would be my choice for this because it’s cheap).

Writing a book while hopped up on speed sounds exhilarating to me.  And it’s a pharmaceutical grade prescription, it’s not illegal.  It’s for people with ADD and have trouble focusing.

So…

It’s not like I’d be hurting anyone, right?  And who know’s, maybe I DO have ADD.  Calling this medicine “speed” gives it bad connotations.  It’s medicine and should be treated as such.  Respected and not abused.

It’s on my bucket list.  To write a book while on speed (pharmaceutical grade – prescribed medicine).

But just one book.  One book and I’ll stop.

I wrote before about how addictions sprout up whenever you lack faith in yourself – that you’re not enough (or life isn’t enough) and you need help, you need something to fill you.  Well, that’s exactly what this is.  And according to ayahuasca, it’s a sin.  It’s lacking faith in God.

I’m sprouting some shiny studs on my head just in time for Xmas!

My horns are small, I know

But they’re not yours, they are my own

But they’re not yours, they are my own

And they are always broken

Two little pricks atop my head they sit

You can see them shining

One of them pierced with a diamond ring

And the other one is laughing

Two little points are drowning me in fear

But they’re not a-ware of their crimes

A red man sitting on my shoulder nudges me he says,

“Take this pill and you’ll be just fine.”

My horns are small, I know

But they’re not yours, they are my own

But they’re not yours, they are my own

And they are always broken

Ohh, they are always broken…

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Filed under journal, Odes

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