I love this

Old Indian WisdomI was driving down the off ramp today and stopped at a red light.  There was a huge tractor trailer on the righthand side of me, blocking my view of oncoming traffic.  When the light turned green, I started turning left and was almost T-boned by a woman running a red light.  It was an oncoming car that the tractor trailer blocked from view.

My first reaction was “uh oh…”  And I stopped in time before we collided.

In that short duration between the “uh oh” and the stopping, I got to see the woman’s face and I felt nothing but compassion for her.  She looked to be in her late 50’s, heavy set with glasses and dark curly hair.

“Oh lady please be more careful.”  I was more worried for her than I was for me.  And I hoped she taken this little incident as a wake-up call.

I continued to drive as if nothing happened until I started thinking;  “Oh shit, did that really happen?  Was my first reaction really compassion?”

Yes.  It was undoubtedly all compassion, otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this.

I know it’s hard to do, but this is the way to be.  It may be hard, but it’s easy!  It filled me with so much love for myself.

Egoists love self-love, and I’m a proud narcissistic egoist with instinctive compassion as my first response.

If you’re having trouble with the black wolf, try seeing out of the eyes of the white one.

This is done by looking at a person’s face and seeing their humanity.  No matter how hurtful or destructive they are, no matter how selfish or uncaring, these are their demons – not yours.  Their lies and anger are their battles.

By seeing humanity in a person’s face, it’s the same as seeing truth in them.  You can only see it through the eyes of the white wolf.  The eyes of a child..

If you continue to see through the eyes of the black wolf, you’re not only feeding him, but feeding the black wolves of your fellow men.  We pit our black wolves against each other and the one who wins, is the one having the most hate.  They both lose.

It’s blind and it’s not real.  When you can’t see the humanity in a person, you are living as the black wolf.  Trapped inside delusion and fear.

If you were to unleash your white wolf to battle against someone’s black one and black wins, your faith wasn’t as strong as your opponents hate.

Don’t let their hate crush and infect you.  This is where strength comes in.  Strength to overcome all delusion.

Anyway, I’m super tired and hungover today.  I worked for 90 minutes, made $120, got an oil change for old Essie, and was home by 3:30.

Okay, here’s some truth for you:  I’m extraordinarily happy.  It’s not just by living as the white wolf, but I’m happy because of my life.

I’m allowed to take sleeping breaks at my job!  I’m allowed to lay down on a heated memory foam table topper, listen to audiobooks in candlelight and rest peacefully.

I can work as much or as little as I want.

I’m selling 40 Groupons a month (which sells out in hours), and that covers all my monthly bills and then some.  I have absolutely NOTHING to worry about money-wise, job-wise, relationship-wise.

I have people in my life who genuinely care about me, as I do them.  And the best part of it all, is my alone time.  Completely unencumbered from “real” world woe’s.  It’s my time to think, time to create, time to evaluate my life.

It’s my time to be happy with myself, instead of being a pawn in a group – a group that devours my individuality because it does happen no matter how hard we try to show we’re different – we affect each other.  We feel and experience each other.  We learn and grow and become a part of a community, no matter how small it may be, it defines us.  It shapes us.

Being alone is to spend time with the white wolf.  To have faith and remember that we are all on separate journeys, we are all on our own paths.

“Being in a group teaches you.  Being alone strengthens you.”

          -Melanie  (You can totally quote me)

Courage isn’t about forging ahead and finding strength, courage is about forging ahead without any strength left.

When you have nothing, you have the white wolf.  You have faith.  And faith never runs out.

Running on faith feeds the white wolf.  It’s the opposite of defeat.

Wow, I didn’t expect to write all that.  I wasn’t expecting to write any of it actually.  I originally wanted to write about my latest adventures and musings, but it’s gone now.

I missed you blog!  I’m trying hard to focus on my book.  Writing a blog is nothing like writing a fictional comedy and I can’t live in these two separate mind-sets.  When my blogging mind turns to book mind, I’m scared I’m losing passion for my blog.

“Oh no I haven’t thought about my blog in three days!  Am I losing interest?  Am I losing my perspective?”

I pray this never happens.  I doubt it ever will.  My ultimate goal is to have the longest running personal blog in history.  I started back in 2010, only 16 years after the initial start of web logs.  My chances are looking good.

Come see history in the making!  I’m gonna be mentioned in history books!

Yes, egoist indeed.  But come on now you have to admit, it’s fun!


Filed under journal, philosophy, random thoughts, Self help

4 responses to “I love this

  1. Ava

    So love watching/reading your journey. I enjoy them so and do hope you don’t stop anytime soon!

    • Thanks Ava! Wherever I find myself in the world, as long as I have space on my phone for video, or a good internet connection, this blog is here to stay. I only wish I started it sooner.

  2. Beautiful post Melanie- glad you are ok!

    • Thanks Rider! I wasn’t sure I had any beautiful posts left in me. When I lose focus and start thinking about other things, I feel like I’m losing perspective. But writing a blog seems to pull me back into my heart.

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