Mumpy Slobbergobs tackles fluoride and hallucinations

I fell asleep last night listening to The Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy and heard my typical auditory hallucinations again.  Auditory hallucinations happen when you hear things that aren’t there.

I heard laughter after every funny sentiment in the book.  It grew louder the more my ears craned to hear it.

“Uh, that’s weird.  I never noticed laughter before.  Why would they insert audience laughter now?  In the middle of the book?”

An alien with a funny name made a joke and the laughter ensued.

“Oh, it’s just my hallucinations again.  Wow this is wild.”

Jokes that weren’t funny before (I listened to this book a few times), sounded funny because of the laughter.

“Ha, I never knew that was a joke, but I now totally get it.”

I wondered if I’d be able see my translucent arm again, but figured it wasn’t worth the effort and fell back to sleep.

Before bed last night, I vaped hard on my electronic cigarette.

Now this is going to sound nuts (as most things I write about do), but I googled “nicotine” and “pineal gland”, to see if there’s a connection.

I googled pineal gland because trippy psychedelic hallucinations are usually spurred by pineal activity.

What you seek, you shall find.

Send all your thanks to that absurd Law of Fives.  I never know what’s real anymore because of it.

According to the Law of Fives, err hem, I mean a website (forgot which one), nicotine helps to decalcify your pineal gland.  That’s one of the many reasons why native tribesmen smoked tobacco.  Because of its health and healing benefits.

I also learned that fluoride found in tap water is a major cause for this calcification.  It’s not only in drinking water, but fruits and veggies from fluoride laced pesticides.  And the type of fluoride used is nothing more than a toxic waste product found in steel manufacturing plants.

It’s illegal for them to dump it in our rivers, so they persuaded the government to use it in our water.

It calcifies our pineal glands, dumbs us down and lowers everyone’s sperm count.  It causes cancer, links to ADD (and maybe autism).

The fluoride hardens people teeth causing pits and lines to occur.  It hardens bones enough to make them brittle.  Americans have the highest rate of hip replacements and osteoarthritis.

Anyway, I went on Amazon and bought organic toothpaste.  Then I found organic aloe vera and had to buy it since Cleopatra used it everyday after her bath.  Then I bought some apple cider vinegar for its plethora of health benefits…

Yes, we all know I have problems.

Besides all that nonsense, my pineal is as soft and squishy as a babies ass (not to be confused with the rest of my ass brain).  My family always drank Poland Springs and because of my laziness, I only brush once a day.  And guess what?  No broken bones and no cavities for almost 34 years and counting.

The nazi’s used fluoride to make prisoners docile and more willing to walk into a gas chamber.  I mean come on now – it’s crazy stuff!

As far as my book goes, I wrote a little of the first chapter today and stunk up Cheshire coffee with the stench of dreadful amateur writing.

Is it wrote or written?  I suck.  Suck suck suck.

Writing is a craft.  I enjoy it immensely.  I enjoy it, but never bothered to hone it.  I whittle my thoughts to perfection, but not my writing.

I am so bad at writing.  Freakishly bad at writing.  If my writing was a person, she’d have a conjoined twin, mumps, a droopy eye, and a mouth that never closes so a steady stream of thick drool puddles on the front of her T-shirt.  She would be mean too and most likely smell of farts.  And she’d be a total slut – she has low self esteem the poor girl.

I will call my freakishly bad writing Mumpy Slobbergobs.

Oh the horror…..

I’m making her a mean slut so not to offend the people suffering with mumps, droopy eyes, conjoined twins and puddles of drool – sorry guys!  At least you’re not a mean slut, right?

Mumpy Slobbergobs is the reason for this blog post tonight.  I’m avoiding her.  I avoid writing by writing – wrap your head around that turd infested reasoning.

Well, at least I know I suck.  Right?  If I didn’t know, that’s when I should worry.

Oh Mumpy, why?  Put your underwear back on.

2 Comments

Filed under All about me, humor, journal, Writing

2 responses to “Mumpy Slobbergobs tackles fluoride and hallucinations

  1. jillness1

    Melanie, you make me laugh (yes, it’s all your fault I’m laughing). You’re a natural comedian. I always look forward to your posts. Keep ’em coming. I’m thinking of recording a video and posting it, but not quite sure when.

    • Yay I can’t wait to see it! I want to make more videos of me playing the guitar and making up songs. It’s so much fun I’m just super lazy. My laziness astounds even me.

      It’s best when you don’t plan a script and just free style it like stream of conscious when having a great convo with someone.

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