My Mind is Open…..by appointment only

I’m going through a very strange crisis.

I’m out of my mind – it’s a dank cluttered up mess in there, so I had to get out.  A couple of birds flew the coop with me and are now flying around my head one by one trying to steal my sanity.  No wait, they’re not birds – they’re penguins!  Crazy eyed penguins trying to steal my sanity.

Scoot, scam, getoutta here penguins!

And so I come to you blog, my friend.  You’ll listen to me, right?  The only two things in life I can count on are my fingers and my blog, and okay, sometimes my toes.  I can’t leave out those gangly pigs.

I don’t know what’s going on with me.  I can’t separate myself away from my crisis.  I am the crisis.  People don’t know they’re crazy because they are their illness.  The thought of that doesn’t comfort me like it should.

I started writing The Secret Deciphered: Part Two five days ago and haven’t been able to stop.  I can’t stop writing it and it’s getting out of hand.  Every time I think it’s finished, I go back to do a final scan and end up writing more and more….and more.

And more.

For five days straight now, I stayed up until 5 a.m doing this.

“Okay, it’s done.  Finished.  Do you hear me you big fat 3,000 word blog post?  Well, do ya?”

Blog – “……”

“Don’t just stare at me blinking you damn lily-livered logging lover curser you, why I outta…..”

Blog – “……..”

“Wait a tick, what is this?  What the shit am I talking about here?  Nobody’s going to understand a word of it.  No, I can’t have that in my blog.  Curser!  Where are you…There you are. Delete that paragraph for me ASAP.”

The curser complies.

I end up deleting entire paragraphs, only to replace them with three or more – sometimes ten more.  Granted, my ADD writing style keeps those paragraphs short, but still.  This post is driving me mad – MAD I say!  I don’t even want to look at it.  I’m dreading going over there – dreading!

I’m so tired and weary.  I just want to sleep tonight.  I miss sleep.  I feel empty inside when I don’t sleep.  Like I’m a faint shadow of a zombie trolling about, looking for brains.  Where are my brains?!  I don’t know mister zombie sir, I’m just your shadow.

“Ughh….”

I’m hungry.

On my drive to work today, I started mulling over the possibility of transforming The Secret Deciphered: Part Two into an Ebook.  Everyone’s doing it these days, so why not?

It will be a small whisper of a book, barely an idea.  It’s just another post – a long freaking whopper of a post, but in Ebook style.  I mean, that’s the only way people will read it, right?  Who wants to read 3,000 word blog posts?

Writing a book is a lot more romantic than just plain old blogging.  It would be the next step in my “writing career.”

It’s ironic that this particular post is the one I want published.  It’s all about setting limitations for yourself and avoidance of doing scary things, or things that take “too much work.”

I think it’s a real gem, honestly.  But at the same time, it’s so far out there.  I mean, I really went deep with this one.  And there’s still so much I want to put into it.  It’s like I contracted cholera, shit pours out.

When I blog, yes, shit pours out, but I feel the need to keep my entries short.  I feel like I’m going to lose my marbles when I write long posts.  But a book on the other hand, now we’re talking my style.  I’m allowed to go into more detail, more stories, more everything!  I am completely free of restraint.

I don’t care about the money part.  Let’s be reasonable here, it’s highly unlikely I’ll make a dime off it.  Especially when I’m planning to sell it for 99 cents.

2 Comments

Filed under humor, journal, rant, Writing

2 responses to “My Mind is Open…..by appointment only

  1. Pingback: I don’t know why… | Todd Lohenry

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