Melanie’s Biggest Secret!

I found a new flaw in myself today and man-o-man, it’s a doozy.

A girl on Facebook announced to the world today just how inspiring she is to others.  I rolled my eyes in disgust.  People who are full of themselves tend to annoy me, but then again I remembered my last post and I was like, “Oh shit, is this me?  Do I sound like that?”

Yes, yes I do sound like that.  My blog reeks of it.  I am so full of myself to the point where I find it necessary to write about my greatness in a blog.

If you see something in a person that doesn’t sit well with you, it’s because of a subconscious fear of seeing your ugly side.  To negatively judge another, that judgement is laced in fear.  Fear that is painted over in denial.  Denial is without acceptance of yourself or of others.  This denial is reinforced with cognitive dissonance (I wrote about that a long time ago).  Basically it’s using the brain stem survival mode without accessing the input of your higher creative mind.

People who judge others are invariably in denial over something.

Fear is not self-aware, and that’s why it frightens people because they don’t understand it.  When I rolled my eyes in disgust over her comment, I witnessed my own harsh critic.  I saw my own damaged parts.  The parts lacking confidence, my denial telling me that I’m special.

Subconscious fear causes denial and that denial it produces is so strong that it compensates for everything you fear you lack.  Cognitive dissonance – two contradicting beliefs can not exist simultaneously.  Therefore one must trump the other.

People who aren’t aware, live in denial.  It’s so easy to understand!

You have to be willing to look into yourself and the only way to do that is by looking at others.  If you are one with yourself, you will never be self-aware.  Everyone you meet is a teacher.

When I was infused with ayahuasca juice, she told me that the spirit realm can not exist without the physical.  They define each other.  If the physical world didn’t exist, we would all be brilliant orbs of white light floating around aimlessly in an unaware universe – lacking control and wisdom, and any knowledge of the self.  It would be a pointless, non-evolving existence and according to ayahuasca, nothing is ever pointless.  We need others to help define (find) ourselves.

If you think a person is stupid, maybe you’re right, maybe they are stupid, and thats okay to think that – sometimes it’s unavoidable!  But when their stupidity aggravates you, and you find yourself placing judgement, it’s due to an unrealized fear.

When it comes to someone disrespecting you, or not being considerate, that’s an understandable cause for aggravation.  But remember that you are always in control, have full power to not let it affect or hurt you.  If you tell off the offender, it’s again using fear, not awareness to compensate for your ego.  The value’s you hold dear, may not be the same for someone else.  Don’t let them steal your compassion.

And if you’re a power seeking control freak feeling like you deserve nothing but the best treatment, then you will always be aggravated by people disrespecting you because what they give will never be enough.  What do you think you deserve?  Are you the pillar of moral character?  No, no you’re not and you deserve only what you give to yourself and others.

People who brag are the ones lacking self esteem.  They constantly pat themselves on the back and live in a world of accolade for accomplishments that are unrealistic or fallible.

If you think a person is stupid, that person will either defy your judgements or acquiesce to your beliefs and become stupid.  If they fear you are right, they will become what you believe about them.  They relinquish their power to you.  And their weakness in doing so can annoy the apathetic.  Apathetic bullies, judgmental assholes, powerful indifferent control freaks.  They feed on the weak like pariah.  They feed and then get disgusted with their pray – disgusted because they, themselves, have no real power of their own and fear they will become the very people they abuse.


Why do I even think about this stuff?  Oh yeah, because I’m trying to improve.

So this poor girl wrote a boastful Facebook status update that annoyed me.  It annoyed me because I subconsciously am her.  It can be mortifying for me to go back and re-read all my boastful posts – some of them I was aware of how I sounded, but others snuck by me unrealized.  It’s those unrealized slips that are embarrassing.

So you want to know the ultimate secret to life?  The secret of facing your embarrassments head on and forgiving yourself and others?  The secret to loving easily, enjoying life and diminishing all fear?  You want  to know the secret?   Okay, I’ll tell you.



Cause if you do, you will always be offended, always in denial, always fearful, judgmental, full of yourself, residing in your zombie brain stem thoughts of confusion.

I’m going to say something right now and tell you that I’ve experienced all those things above.  They are my own negative karma – all my own shit.  The only thing that pulled me out of that garbage is by not taking any of it seriously.  And in doing so, I gained full access to my higher mind.

And it’s not about focus.  You can still focus and not be serious at the same time.  In fact, it can free up space for you to be even more focused.

I’m serious here, don’t be serious for the sake of your soul – the sake of your sanity!  I can not be any more serious than I am right now.

When you’re serious, you limit yourself.  You limit your power.  Fear resides in serious situations and the more serious you take things, the more fear you feed into the problem at hand.

And it’s not about not being mindful.  You can still be mindful and not serious.

Was my biggest secret a bit anti-climatic?  Simple things often are my friend…simple things indeed.

wing wing

Cute kid.

Here’s something to think about:  There are no good people, there are no bad people.  People can not be defined by their actions (all actions take place in the past).

All that people consists of are possibilities.  They can change depending on who they’re with, what people think of them.  They can change if they have pressing concerns weighing on them, or priorities they need to address, love and inspiration can change someone – no one can be pinned down and labeled as being anything certain.  Likes and dislikes change with the tides.

Therefore if you can’t label something, you can’t judge it.

People are potential and probability.  That’s all they are.  They can be anything.  Unless of course they stop learning and evolving, than I can safely say they won’t ever change.

I want to start writing goofy posts about my life.  I always tell myself I’m going to start writing more goofy stories, but first I just need to get this one last thing off my chest.  One last enlightened post where I can showcase my boastful yet self-aware talents.  I’m such a jerk, really.  If you don’t believe me, here’s a pic of my sunburn:


Ha ha look at my feet!  Ouch, yup it hurt.  It’s all better now but man did it hurt!  Hochie mochie they look muy caliente.

I’m sitting here in work.  I’ve been busy as hell lately doing summer stuff such as psychedelic mushrooms, smoking pot, singing karaoke, camping and the like.  I need to write more about that stuff.

Alas my next client is nearly here.

It’s so weird.  I write about my life and yet over half of it is missing in these posts.  All I wanted to do was write a short retort about that girls Facebook comment and 1,270 words later, I’m staring blankly at my screen wondering just where the hell do I get all this shit?  I mean really?

Don’t do drugs.  I am not cool.

I’ll leave you with one last question:  Is fear worth the price of awareness?


Filed under philosophy, random thoughts, Self help

3 responses to “Melanie’s Biggest Secret!

  1. Reblogged this on Wholeheartedness and commented:
    Melanie, I love your blog and I see the journey continues; even though you are not on EL Camino, you’re still on a Camino in your own mind…

    To me, the trick of this social media thing is to find what Aristotle called ‘the golden mean’ — the virtuous path between two vices — or what Buddhists call ‘the middle way’ between NOT telling your story and OVERTELLING your story. The golden mean between hiding your light under a bushel and narcissism. It’s a daily challenge…

    Keep blogging!!!

    • I’m totally going to research “the golden mean” and “the middle way.” I never heard of them before even though I love stuff like that. And you know it’s funny you mentioned them because I had this nagging idea in the back of my head for a while about the difference between narcissistic writing in comparison with true organic in-the-moment writing and I think I found the difference and know the trick.

      When I’m not feeling confident, I always try to explain more of the story even though it’s not interesting enough for me to go back to re-read it and it’s definitely not interesting for the reader. No one cares about how altruistic I purposely make myself sound. It’s not real writing, or self-actualized writing.

      The trick is to keep it interesting. To keep the reader in mind when you write. It’s again, using people to help me reflect – seeing it from their angle and not keeping everything one-sided. It’s the only way at getting better.

      When I feel the need to explain myself, like I’m trying to convince people or win an argument, I know all that is coming straight from my ego – no one cares. I listen to my friends argue and see that they don’t care what each other is saying.

      It’s all about being interesting and true and gaining confidence in the reader without having the need to find praise from them.

      I’m going to eat lunch and google the golden mean. It will give me something interesting to do until my next client arrives, thanks Todd!

  2. Pingback: Melanie writes about self-worth, self-analyzing, karma, trust and Johnny Carson | Melanie's Life Online

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