Too stretched is my hide

Four days gone by since I last seen a person get pummeled by a raging, confused bull.  It’s only been four days….

I need to write, but like always, I’m chasing my own bull.  Taunting him with cavalier whimsy.  Dangling my red sash over his eyes.  Looking for that lust of emotion to keep me high on life, because once I start, it’s hard to stop.  I say yes to everything.  Everything hits my fancy.

I haven’t settled in yet.  I haven’t had any moments, not really, to sit quiet.  The weight of my unwritten thoughts, compiled with the trajectory of always moving, slips my brain into sliding off its pan.

Why am I so complicated?  But I’m not complicated that’s the crazy thing!

It’s too late for me to write tonight.  I want to write something epic.  Something that finalizes my pilgrimage.  I had so many great idea’s, deep thoughts, questions, a few answers – I had them all and kept them in my head but they are slipping off the pan along with myself.  Where am I right now?  What am I doing?

I need to focus on three things and three things only:  Clean out my house and my car, write the crap out of me, and work.  Work a LOT.  I need to stop saying yes to everything.  I need to stop, just stop.

But alas, I can’t.  At least not now.  Not for a while.  Maybe perhaps Monday will be my day.  I will go rollerblading and dance and sing like a fool on the Cheshire trail, then sit in the coffee house and write.  Oh how wonderful does that sound?  How simple it is, and yet feels unattainable at this point.

I feel too big for my britches.  Too stretched is my hide.

 

13 Comments

Filed under random thoughts

13 responses to “Too stretched is my hide

  1. Jim E

    Melanie,
    Yay! I’m glad to see you survived the bullfights and got home safely.
    I think there is definitely a post-camino affliction that affects many pilgrims. Your brief description of it ( “I had them all and kept them in my head but they are slipping off the pan along with myself. Where am I right now? What am I doing?”) sounds just like what my daughter Jess has been going through too. It is tough to get back to the ‘real world’ where nothing has changed. All the stuff you just went through starts to feel like a dream.

    Hope you do find the time to get it all written down before it melts and gets away from you. Take care!

    • It’s so weird. I’m drunk right now at a kid rock concert when I should be focusing on my grand plan in life. I can’t stop moving or doing stuff. There’s so much I want to do but I can’t focus on anything, I just want the next high. The next adventure.

  2. Jim E

    PS. The photos from that mashable link are amazing and utterly insane. 🙂

  3. Melanie,
    I know exactly what you mean..It took me close to three weeks to get back to “normality” and I was nowhere near the length of time in Spain as you were.
    Take your time with writing, it will start when you least expect it too. There isn’t any hurry.

  4. Melanie, As I have said before, you crack me up. Your cleverness borders on brilliance. You have a tremendous literary talent. You will keep coming back to “normal” but don’t stop writing. Love your blurbs. Steve

    • Thanks Steve! I’m drunk right now at a redneck concert. I can’t stop getting drunk and happy. It’s my life it seems. There will always be a concert to go to and always people willing to sell me beer. I can’t stop.

      • Melanie, That path will not have a good ending. Think about it. Are you hiding from something? Steve

        • No not hiding, just the people I hang out with like drinking and when in Rome…

          • stevelangham

            Maybe it is time to look at the people you hang out with. They are rarely neutral. They either pull you up or bring you down. Don’t mean to sound like a dad, but you have a lot going for you. Don’t let outside influences mess it up.

            • I know it sucks. I love having fun especially when it’s summertime. There’s so much I want to do, but so many people I want to see and catch up with. And I love a nice cold beer. Today I behaved. I went rollarblading and now I’m at Cheshire coffee about to catch up on some writing and I finally cleaned out my car today, man what a mess.
              I’m behaving, no worries 🙂

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