Melanie on Growing Up

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I admire his straightforwardness – I really do!  It’s the people who skirt around truthfulness that piss me off.  I am more apt to respond nicely to this text, then I am to someone who’s hiding their intentions.

He showed me respect by being honest, I’ll give him that.

The real creepers out there developed a way of asking these questions without actually having to ask them.  And if I call them out on it, they get all defensive like I’m the bad guy.

You will be less of a creeper if you’re honest.  And respectful even!  I know how crazy that sounds, but it’s true.

People who aren’t honest, judge themselves more than anyone else.  They control the situation with  their ego, hiding the truth from others and even from themselves.  Whenever anyone’s not being honest, friction is bound to happen.  Friction, judgements, accusations, anger….

How do you find your honest self?  With self-actualization.  And how do you become self-actualized?  Confronting your true intentions.  The ego keeps us from ever really knowing ourselves.

The ego is essential for spiritual growth and evolution.  It is the reason for all our suffering and without suffering, we will not strengthen or ever know the true meaning of bliss.

And bliss to me, isn’t about giving hand jobs.

And hey, I’m not one to judge.  If people are into that sort of thing, let them be into it!  There’s nothing wrong with it as long as nobody’s getting hurt.

For me personally, it’s just not my thang. It really doesn’t matter if I do or don’t, all that matters is that that’s not how I want to define myself (or be remembered).  It’s like taking away that special something, and turning it into something mechanical and bodily, not spiritual.

I’m a mind, body and spirit kinda gal.  The universe won’t synchronize to my beat otherwise.

Anyway…

That monk from my dream really did do something to me.  My heart is open, my faith untouchable, my compassion expanding.  It’s like I’m sitting back with a cold lager in one hand, my blog in the other, and I’m just sitting back taking in the show.

We all need each other to remind us to let go.  We are learning from one another how to love and respect.   No one can ever hurt me again, no matter how bad it gets, nobody will ever be able to cause me pain.  I have too much compassion and understanding for any of it.  And even if I do manage to get hurt again, I roll with it.  I roll with it and it polishes me somehow.

None of it matters.  None of it matters simply because nobody see’s the truth.  If you’re on the receiving end of emotional abuse, you are no better than the abuser – you are both playing the same game.  Compassion is what keeps you tied, but it’s also the answer for stepping aside.  Self-actualization shows you where you are attached and where to let go.  Compassion for yourself is the thing most liberating.

One of my old friends called me up today.  One that I haven’t spoken to in years.  She told me that I sounded more mature, like I was all grown up.

Me – “Really?  I feel more mature.”

I haven’t thought about it until today, of how my awakening is showing on the outside.  I still act like my normal self – I’m still the same person.  But there are subtle changes taking place.  So subtle even to me.

It makes me think that we’re all children until we learn how to take responsibility.  And for us to take responsibility, we must conquer our hidden fear of those who hold authority or power over us.  We must become the person of authority (authority over ourselves).  Growing up is about believing in yourself.  To feel that you’re entitled to be here.  You have a voice and every right to be heard.

This is the reason for my inability to speak in public.  It’s also the reason why I get nervous on my birthday.  I feel that I don’t deserve to be celebrated, or that I don’t have any right to speak in front of a large group of people.  Believing that I do have a right, is tied in with spiritual awakening.

Stop asking permission when it comes to matters in your own life.

Once you get over the hump, you are free to play with it.  You start to see yourself crisper, to be fully connected with the movements of your body and verbal expressions.  You are in the drivers seat.  You can dance and sing better, communicate better, create anything…better.

2 Comments

Filed under humor, journal, philosophy, random thoughts, Self help

2 responses to “Melanie on Growing Up

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