It’s a cold grey day out. It’s the first time all winter where the weather has actually effected my mood. Sucks….
I hung out with a friend from high school the other day. He contacted me thru Facebook and we hung out. The last time he contacted me, about 5 years ago, I messaged him back a few times but then ignored him – not on purpose, just that I didn’t have time.
I respond to people out of guilt. If it weren’t for my guilt, I’d never go out.
I’m someone who doesn’t like having a lot of friends. Give me one or two good ones and I’m happy. Everyone else can make cameo appearances. But as fate would have it, people like me.
This poor guy though, he likes me a LOT. He looks and acts like Ducky from the movie Pretty in Pink – super sweet and super nice. He always had a thing for me, and me being the asshole that I was, used him to cheat off of. He gave me test answers and I copied his homework.
For our tenth year reunion, I was skunk drunk out of my mind and made out with him. I did it because I thought it would be nice of me to fulfill his high school fantasies and yes, I really am that vain.
I regretted it ever since.
So anyway, we hung out. We got pizza and then went to Billy O’s after. A place where everyone know’s me.
Him – “You must come here a lot.”
Me – “I used to….”
He is such a nerd. I relate well to nerds, being that I am one.
The whole time he was looking at me with those puppy eyes, you know the one’s I mean? Eager, expectant, excited – but not about getting laid, just about spending time with me.
Was it a bad choice to see him? What horrible things are in store for him if I continue to hang out with him?
I push people away. I do it so they won’t expect much from me and if they don’t expect much, I feel less guilt. There’s a certain kind of freedom in that. And all I seem to care about is freedom.
Now he’s texting me to go hiking with him and asking me what I’m doing Friday and Saturday. Ahhh it’s starting! I’m just so stinkin’ nice is what it is. I’m nice but in a sincere way – and you know how hard that is to find? It’s bloody hard.
Matt has been texting me wanting to hang out. He’s the guy who blew me off when I got back from Colombia. Telling me that I’m irresponsible and I don’t care about my friends or the people I hurt. And he’s the one who dropped ME! None of it makes any sense. People are crazy. They baffle me and I given up trying to understand them.
I’m in work. My last client was a cute old man who comes to see me once every two weeks. My next client won’t be here until 4:30, a full two hours away. So you know what that means? It’s time for this worn out girl to lay on her table with the lights turned low, candles lit and listen to her spiritual teacher explain how to block a psychic attack – a person who sends you hate energy.
I don’t feel any hate coming my way, or maybe I just gotten used to it. My OCD cousin living in my house is a swarm of hate energy.
Anyway, I don’t believe everything this guy says. I can tell the difference when a spiritual teacher is intuiting knowledge from a higher source, or if they’re just making it up. I can tell because I been there myself.
If you have two spiritual teachers that disagree on something, one of them is a fake. The answers these teachers intuit are the same answers that are fundamental, undebatable truths. And when I go on YouTube and listen to these teachers, my jaw drops listening to them because everything they say are the same truths that I learned during my spiritual awakening. All written here in my blog before ever even listening to a spiritual teacher. It’s really freaky – you’re just going to have to trust me on that.
- Be Your Own Spiritual Teacher to Stay Self-Empowered (mariawindtalker.wordpress.com)
- Spiritual Teacher, what is that? (sachemspeaks.wordpress.com)
- There is one Teacher (teachingsofmasters.wordpress.com)
- Finding the Right Spiritual Teacher. (aeonsaphonlight.wordpress.com)
- Adyashanti – Good Karma? Bad Karma? (evolutionarymystic.wordpress.com)
- New Age Careers Part III (mutualspiritualaffinity.com)
- Guru Cat (hopedog.wordpress.com)
- Commercialized Spirituality – It’s a Business, Not the Real Thing (apolloandartemis.org)
- ENLIGHTENMENT BLUES: My Years with an American Guru By André van der Braak (evolutionarymystic.wordpress.com)