I’m Still Alive!

The repercussions for writing my last post did not bring about my end.  In fact, the repercussions were minimal.  After 30 or 40 rancid texts and emails from her, I feel it’s safe to say it’s finally over.  Unless she decides to go all Single White Female on my ass, it’s hard to tell at this point.

I can’t write too much about her texts or emails for fear of the consequences.  I have no idea what she’s capable of.  I’m NOT joking.  So far I was good, didn’t push or aggravate in the slightest bit.  I’m honestly scared of her.

Everything I wrote back were kind words, but she replied with more of the same abusive crap I’ve heard over and over.  Why do abusive people always claim that I’m not responsible?  Why do they attack my family?  They try to illicit specific emotions in me that never transpire so they call me unemotional and sterile.  These are the things they attack.  I don’t get it.

I go to the office everyday, answer phones, massage back to back all day, everyday.  I have a 100% positive feedback rating with Groupon, I save all receipts, record all income – I AM responsible.  I’m saving for my future and planning my next step.  What am I doing wrong?

Anyways, I’m not feeding into it anymore.  I’m not tangled in its web and I’d much love for this to be over.

Okay, okay, my last email to her was not nice.  I was replying to one of her hate rants and I wrote back:  You know why your therapist stopped charging you?  Because it’s not working.

And that’s it.  That’s the extent of what I’m capable of.  It cheered me up when I wrote it, it made me chuckle.  I said the word “BOOYAH” when I hit send.

But I need to not respond to her anymore.  I know this, you don’t have to tell me.  But still a part of me doesn’t want her to suffer.

All this started by me letting her end the friendship.  I let her do it with no resistance on my part, and now she’s gone berserk.  She says she wants to pay for my counseling and wants the counselor to read all my old text messages.  My texts are harmless and innocent.  Why do attackers go after text messages?  Anyway, she wants me to post a couple texts on my blog to supposedly clear her name and shed truth and light, so here they are:  (she’s the green.)





Those were specifically chosen by her to be placed in here.  Why?  I have no idea.  They are no different from all the others, except, well, they are nicer than all the others.  To further the conversation from the last text pic, I did write that the post was written about her.

After receiving texts like those, she’d call me up that same day, or the next and ask me what I’m up to.  When I didn’t want to hang out she would call me an old lady for wanting to stay home.  Nothing I said was ever enough.  Nothing I did was enough.  All people do is take and take.  I’m so tired.

I feel like I can sleep for a week.  My stupid e cig got me sick again and I’m just now starting to feel better, but I’m tired from 2012.  2012 wore this little vagabond out big time.  I need a long break from it all.  At least two weeks of R & R.  I don’t want to call anybody up for a night out at Billy O’s, I don’t have any need or interest in seeing anyone actually.  I feel like I’m back to my old self of not answering my phone, or wanting to go out.  I’m stress free and all my needs are met (which was part of my latest enlightenment, but I’ll save that one for another day), there is nothing I want more than to read, write, sleep and figure out what to do next with my life.  The possibilities are endless!

I’ve been battling this behavior ever since high school.  People got mad at me often when I didn’t answer the phone and it would take at least a good week for me to call back.  But that’s how I feel again.  There’s a reason for this ostracizing behavior and I want to find out why.  Now’s the time!  I feel like I have something to do – something important that’s weighing on me.  I can’t have any distractions or I’ll never reach what it is I’m supposed to be doing.  That’s the general idea of how I feel.  And I’ve felt this way since high school.

The friends I have now don’t pull me in all directions and they are ingrained friends for life with familiarity of my old ways of avoiding people.  They accept me without taking it personally.  I’m lucky to have them.  One of them had a dream about me a couple days ago that I was strapped inside a kayak that could topple over and I’d be stuck in it drowning to death.  Yep, sounds about right.

Damn she’s texting again.  Damn it I responded back!  I tried being nice and helpful but got back hate.  Hate!  Okay I’m slowing backing up from the situation.  Slowly backing, slow…slow…Okay now turn and run!  Run for dear life lil’ Mel and don’t look back!

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Filed under journal, Self help

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