Tough day again Mel? Yes, ‘fraid so friend.

English: Fraser Valley Elementary School classroom

English: Fraser Valley Elementary School classroom (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’m still transferring all my old posts over to this blog.  The following was published December 14, 2012

I’m crying like a baby with my nose running.  I can’t foresee this sadness ending anytime soon.  I truly am completely helpless.

Earlier today, 40 minutes away from here, 20 children were shot and killed inside their elementary school.  All I can think about is why?  Why?!  I don’t understand.  I don’t want to be alone in my office today.  I don’t want to massage anyone today.  How can I possibly go on like nothing has happened?  How can anyone go on?  Are they all animatrons?

I can’t stop crying!

What makes it worse, the images in my head of their little smiling faces.  All of them with their own countdown to Christmas calendars, their Christmas lists all written out as legibly as their little hands can allow.  All bundled up in mittens and scarves being kissed on their rosy cheeks by mom and dad after tying a blue spruce to the top of their Oldsmobile Cutless.  These are real people, real loving families – real children!

Why?  I don’t get it.

I just got off the phone with my friend Steph.  I started crying as soon as I answered the phone.  I feel a little better, but the tears will start again shortly.

My next client will be here in 13 minutes if not sooner.  One thing for sure about crying is that it drains the hell out of me.  I’m completely hollowed out.

Okay, he’s done.  He left.  I feel like he’s ripping me off.  He claims to have bought 3 packages from Groupon entailing a total of 9 massages.

Him – “Is there a limit?”

Me – “Well, it was supposed to be one per client….”

Him – “Okay I’ll pay the difference next time.  I don’t want to ruin this.”

Me – “Okay, would you be able to give me the vouchers for the groupons?”

Him – “Yeah yeah, sure.  Okay I got to run.”

I’m in no mood for clients such as this.  I can totally understand why business owners think everyone is out to steal from them.  They get defensive, bossy, rude – I can totally understand!  I get it.

I just reread this post from the beginning and started crying all over again.  And I booked another client on top of it.  He’ll be here a little after 5.  I’m all headachy and sad…

When my friend Steph called earlier, I was distraught and in tears.  She lives half way across the country so the news hadn’t reached her yet.

After I unloaded all my baggage, she unloaded hers.  She’s going through a very tough time these days, suffering in her own way.  She got in trouble with her bills, owing way too much that she can’t keep up.

I would never consider myself a spender.  I only buy the essentials, and I think twice before buying those even.  I still wear clothes I had since high school and wear my sneakers until the soles fall off.  I have no big bills, I don’t even buy my own food or toilet paper, so I’m in the position to lend money without hurting my pocket.  She is negative $1,000 in the bank, so that’s what I’m giving her to get out of the hole.  To be negative that much money in your bank account, is a hole that will never be filled.

I’m smart when it comes to lending people money.  I only offer to help my closest friends, and she’s been my bff since high school.  I mean, I can’t just leave her hanging, right?  There are arguments on both sides of the equation here, and I’m smart enough to see both.  Is there a right and a wrong way in a situation like this?  I want to do what’s right.  It’s only complicated and messy if I’m being taken for granted like with my last client.  He was stealing from me unknowingly or knowingly, it’s messy and complicated.  But I feel this isn’t the case.  I’m using my best judgement and helping out a pal.

I’ve accomplished nothing I was supposed to accomplish today.

Now I sit here and wait.  My feet propped up on my stool, my chair hurting my bum and I’m tapped out.

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