Put down the blog and go home Melanie!

The Mona Lisa (or La Joconde, La Gioconda).

The Mona Lisa (or La Joconde, La Gioconda). (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’m transferring all of my old posts from my new blog over here to my original blog.  One new post a day.

The following was written October 21, 2012

Today’s going to be a long day.  I’ll be massaging for a total of 8 hours, but I know most of the people coming in, so it’s not as bad as it sounds.

Massaging people you know brings with it little surprises.

The best part of my day is blogging in-between clients and vaping on my electronic cigarette.  I sit back on my complimentary squeaky swivel chair, put my feet up on the $10 wooden stool I bought from Target and vape and blog the daylights out of this damn backlit keyboard.

I’m living the dream.  Or am I?  I don’t know…

Amy is trying really hard to figure me out.

Me – “I’m a puzzle.  Everyone says so.  You’ll never figure me out.”

Amy – “It’s just that you sit there all cool, not saying much, but in your blog you’re really deep.  I don’t understand how you’re so deep in your blog, but here you’re like inside a box.”

Me – “I know, it’s a mystery.  I come off cool and aloof to people.”

Amy – “But when you drink beer, you soften up.  It let’s you out of your box.”

Me – “I love beer.  Absolutely love it.”

Amy – “You think I don’t know you, but I know you.  You’re not a puzzle.”

I like to think of myself as the Mona Lisa smile.  My edges are blurred, so depending on your mood, decipher’s what you see.  I can be either happy or sad.  Contemplative or outgoing.  People have to live the experience of me.

Before my life shattering trip to Nepal, I had a dream.  You can read about that dream here.  To sum it up, it was about a tribesman who rescued me from a very dark place.  After he rescued me, I asked him if I would have fun on my Nepal trip.  He laughed and told me to, “Be the experience.”

I guess it means to make something your own.  People make me their own.  I’m everyone’s bitch.

Dave’s reading my old blog and telling me how awesome I am and that I should keep writing what I do – to not listen to anyone criticize or tell me different.  God damn him!  Why’s he have to be like this?  I called him a narcissist, dumb as a box of hair and a man whore, but none of that matters to him.  This is why I kept him in my life regardless of what he does and what others think of him.  He loves me.  No one else wants to be around me because of the shit I wrote about them.  But he does.  And he got the worst of it.

My first clients of the day are late.  They are an asian couple (only describing words.  It would be derogatory if I said I didn’t remember what they looked like even though I massaged them twice already, but I’m not saying that.  Besides, that’s one culture you don’t want to piss off on account they outnumber the rest of the world 10 to 1 [made up ratio)]), and are coming together.  Not a good way to start an 8 hour day.

Asian couple are done and gave me a great new idea!  To be rich!  The wife told me they go to real estate  investment meetings and now they can afford to buy houses – they’re the people who have sign’s up everywhere saying “We Buy Houses.”  They are a young successful couple and I always make an easy $40 in tips from them.

That sounds like it could be a fun hobby.

But she also said that I should put off my trip to Europe and jump in the real estate market ASAP.  I don’t know how I feel about that.

Client – “You won’t be able to afford both.  You must take action, action is needed.”

Me – “Yeah, I know.”

Client – “And read Rich Dad Poor Dad.”

Me – “I have when I was younger.  I was like, ‘holy crap this is a great book!  Why isn’t everyone reading it?’  Then I put it down and forgot all about it.”

Client – “It’s a great book.  Read it again.”

Amy was once a millionaire.  She had her own business, but still felt empty.  She’s warning me that money is not spiritual, and gets you nothing.

When I was under Aya, money was of no consequence.  I’d forgotten that it even existed.  My next client should be here any minute.  I want to blog damn it!

She was a tough one.  A young Peruvian chemist that gets picked on at work.  She’s like a genius or something but looks like she’s 10.

Peruvian Genius – “You give best massage I ever had.  Most people hurt me, but you go deep and no hurt.  I don’t understand ha ha.  I feel a big difference.  My neck feels much better.  I never felt a difference with others.”

Me – “Thanks.  My secret is to not hurt my clients.”

She’s a lot of work.  Ugh, my neck cramped up while working on her.

Okay so anyway, Amy’s comment about me being an open book in my blog, but tightly sealed in person, got me thinking.

Me thinking – ‘hmm, okay.  So the stuff I write about is mostly my thoughts.  Lots of it having to do with me and what I think about me.  In what situation would ever call for me saying, “I’m like the Mona Lisa smile.  My edges are blurred”?’

It wouldn’t fit in anywhere!  People don’t sound like this in person.  If they did, I would slap them.

Me # 1 – “Oh really Mona Lisa smile huh?  Who the fuck cares!”

Me #2 – “B-b-but I was just trying to be myself.  This is how I talk.”

Me #1 – “Well you sound like a damn fool.”

Me #2 – “I think I’m awesome, but flawed as well.  Beautifully flawed and human.”

Me #1 – “You need to not go out in public anymore.”

Everything I write in here sounds self-absorbed in the real world.  It sounds small and stupid.  Unfortunately, the real me is self-involved.

It’s almost as bad as people checking into places on Facebook.

Melanie LastName is at Billy O’s with Dave and two others.

Who the hell cares?  I don’t.  That’s just a way for people to say to everyone,  “Hey stupid losers look where I am and you’re not invited!  HA HA HA!”

Do these people think they’re special?  God I hope not.

I was going to say something else but forgot what it was.

Omg I’m so tired!  I was here for ten hours and massaged for 8 of them.  I need to get out of here.

I’m not happy with my last post.  Not happy at all.  I’m crabby.  This post probably sucks too.

1 Comment

Filed under humor, journal, rant

One response to “Put down the blog and go home Melanie!

  1. Pingback: This post is even more newer than the last! | melanie's blog

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