My Date: Part Two

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch ...

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This post is a somewhat anticlimactic followup to my previous post (My Date: Part One).  It’s anticlimactic because nothing unusual happened.

Me and my non-date, Norm, went back to his place after lunch.  He lives in a tiny one bedroom apartment that is so small and odd (sink attached to a small oven kind-of-odd), that I told him it felt like an apartment from another country.

“Shit, where am I supposed to sit?”  I wearily thought to myself as I scanned for a couch in front of a tv.

There was no place for a couch (or chair!).  Norm lead me into his bedroom, sat me down on his bed and turned on the tv.  We started watching The Chronicles of Narnia on the family channel.

Me – “The Chronicles (what) of Narnia!”

So there we were laying on his bed drinking beer and watching Narnia in his little messy bedroom.

Great first date!  I knew at any moment he was going to pop the question.  The SEX question.

Norm – “So what did you mean when you said you don’t date?”

Me – “I don’t have time.  I want to go back to school.  I still need to take the placeme…..”

He cut me off.

Norm – “Oh okay that’s fine.  I’m not looking for anything serious.  But if you ever want to mess around, I’m here for that.”

Me (sounding like a complete prude) – “I don’t sleep around.  I don’t want to gather too many notches on my belt, you know what I mean?”

Norm – “Well the way I look at it, I can die any day.  So I want to enjoy life anyway I can.”

Me – “You’re a guy, it’s different for you.”

Norm – “We should enjoy each other, why’s it different?  What’s keeping you from it?”

Me – “I look at it as a respect thing for my future husband.  I’m saving myself for him.”

Norm – “So you don’t want to have sex until you’re married?’

Me – “No, I don’t mean that.”

What I mean is that I don’t want to sleep with someone I don’t love and more importantly I don’t want to sleep with someone that I just met and now I’m stuck in their cramped little dark bedroom watching The Chronicles of Narnia at 3 pm on a Sunday.  Chronicles of Narnia does nothing for my arousal.  Talking lions and my loins don’t mix.

Me – “I slept with a lot of people when I was younger.  One year it got out of control and I had to tone it down.  I didn’t like who I was becoming.  I felt like I was being used, and using other’s.” (I wish I had my blog in those days!)

Him – “Well it would be using, but we’re consenting adults.”

Than his demeanor changed to a more aggressive salesman approach.  Using all angle’s.

Him – “How do you feel around someone you like – what would attract you to sleep with them?”

Me – “They make me feel warm.  I want to be around them always and talk to them.  I know it when it happens.” (And this wasn’t it.)

I can’t remember what else he said, but he went on and on.  Asking me questions, trying to persuade me.  The salesman approach never works on me – if it did work, God help me.

I’m really not that prude, but timing is everything – alcohol is everything when it come’s to me partaking in random sex.  I don’t even like to exchange numbers with random dudes let alone bodily fluids.  And besides, I had my period.  So unless he had some magical device that would allow his little willie to bypass my tampon then I would at least think about it.  And I wasn’t about to give this guy a blow job – I didn’t even see any mouthwash in his bathroom.

Sex can be fun with the right person.  The three criteria they have to meet is gaining my love, respect and trust.  This may be personal to hear, but my body doesn’t respond without these three things – I don’t reach the big O without them.  And another very personal thing is that I can only reach the big O when my partner is seconds from it himself – that’s when all the involuntary contractions happen.  The tensing up, the clear moment of zen, the body becomes still – fast and then still.  It’s a moment of pure love for me.

My last boyfriend knew this about me.  He knew that I only orgasmed the same time he did and he hated it.  He hated it because he lost his drag – the dryness before the event.  He lost his drag during my special moment of love and said that he might as well start over – that’s how much I messed him up.

I haven’t slept with anyone after sleeping with him.  He took away my Love moment, and my desire for random sex with stranger’s – you never know what you’re going to get with them.

Sorry if that was hard for my friends to read.  I hate putting really personal stuff like that on here because of the cringing and wincing from my friends reading it.  It’s stuff they don’t need to know – or visualize!  But anyway, it’s too late and I’m not deleting it.

My next post I’ll try to make silly.  Silly and funny are two things I’m most comfortable with.

As far as my date went, Norm told me he wants to hang out with me again and that I’m a cool person.  He snuck a kiss from me before I hopped in my car and sped off.  Now it shouldn’t be too akward next time I see him, right?  I didn’t ignore him like I normally would, I took the time to meet with him.  I’m nice goddamn it fuck yeah!

And that was it.  That was my non-date.  It was very similar to my non-date with the big military man over the summer.  The only difference was with the military man, my loins really did kick in and I stopped myself because, well, fuck I didn’t know the guy…And he also had the salesman approach which I find terribly irritating and demeaning for both of us.

Little Miss Muffit sat on her tuffet, not spreading her legs, no way

There came a non-date who wanted to go mate

And frightened Miss Muffit away

Wow I’m lame.  I’m going to watch neflix and draw.  Ironically I’m drawing this:


Filed under All about me, journal

16 responses to “My Date: Part Two

  1. Thanks for visiting my blog and leaving a “like.” –John

  2. Steph

    I hated those situations!!

    • Yeah seriously they are a pain in the ass. Men are a pain in my ass!

      • Holly

        If I am on a date and the guy asks me to go back to his house to watch a movie, I assume he wants sex. I think you are too went to his tiny apartment even though you wanted to go home when you didnt even want to go on the date in the first time. Next time, you should just say ‘maybe next time’.. Will it be wierd if you go to see Dan play again?

        • No it won’t be weird. I was being really nice to him and he should be happy to see me next time.
          I had no idea that’s what he was expecting us to do! I don’t know these things. I couldn’t pick up on his signals.

  3. Cool site, nice content. I can’t relate to Norm since he didn’t get you flowers and I’d always take a time out to go get some so you’d feel a bit special and also a bit superior when you groan and make fun of the gesture. However I can totally get the bit about your wanting to share personal stuff on this blog and also not wanting to incase it’s too personal.
    Anyway, thanks for the link. I don’t know how it got there but s’good to be linked.

    • You’re welcome!
      Wordpress recommended your link. I’ll check out your site. Thanks for the comment!
      Never stop bringing flowers! Norm needs to take lessons from you. If only he waited a few dates to pop a question like that then I’d think about it. But he ruined it.

  4. The world has changed so much since I was dating! (Thirty years ago, but I married young) I’m glad I’m not out there now. Hope you find a nice guy who suits you and considers your needs instead of his own.

  5. I found your post amusing! I can’t say that I’ve been in a position like that before but probably would have acted the same as you. I got lucky and have been with my high school sweetheart for 6 years now altogether and never had to date around. We were best friends through school and once we got older started dating and it’s been great. But I love hearing all my girlfriends stories of their dates and yours as well since I never really experienced it. Thanks for sharing!

  6. I’m pretty sure I dated several “Norms” in my 20’s. This world is full of douchebags…somehow they know how to find us. 🙂

  7. Holly

    lol. mel, you’re hysterical. Maybe he is signal-less..which is his way of sneaking that questions upon women 🙂

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