Smacked on the head with two pounds of coffee

I went to Canada over the weekend with Brie, her husband Paul and Holly.  We traveled for seven or eight hours and next thing I know I’m in another country.  Everything was written in French and some people didn’t know any English at all.  It’s crazy to think that there’s a world of difference between my house and seven hours of driving.

It was fun, but I had a horrible nagging cough.  We went to a little touristy ski village and went shopping in their boutiques when I had one of my worst coughing fits in history.  It was the kind of cough that makes you gag.  It made me want to throw up.  My eyes watered up and I put my hands up over my mouth and ran out of the little Indian boutique for some fresh air and to possibly throw up.

I had to buy medicine or else stay at the condo all alone for the rest of the trip.  I went into the quaint grocery store and…..

Holy shit I just got hit in the head with a pound of coffee!!  I’m at Starbucks and I just got slammed in the head with a pound of coffee.  Well, two pounds actually.  Holy shit!  It taken me a few seconds to find out exactly what happened.

Concerned patrons – “Are you okay?”

Me – “What was that?  What hit me?”

I was so dazed and confused.  I looked to the left and to the right of me.  I was almost certain someone was trying to kill me, but everyone looked just as confused as I was.

Some random woman – “That girl just got hit with coffee falling from the sky!”

I looked down at my feet and seen two one pound bags of Starbucks coffee.  I looked up and saw that two bags were missing from the top shelf.  It’s a shelf that hangs from the ceiling above the espresso machines – it’s a freaking high shelf!

I swear it was something straight from a low-brow slap stick comedy.  I got hit with the first bag hard on my noggin and before I could do anything about it – WHAM!  Another one strikes the same place.

A concerned woman – “Are you okay?  Can you see okay?”

Me – “Yeah, I’m fine.  I think.”

The guy sitting next to me whispers – “She’s a lawyer and wants to represent you.”

The barista’s gave me two free drink coupons, “One for every pound that hit me.”  One of them offered to kiss my boo-boo’s.

Why do these things happen to me?  I’m just minding my business and I get smacked hard on my head by coffee!  Coffee!  Should I go back to work and say I am severely injured due to head injury?  Is my head bleeding?

I’m so tired and out of it.  I have three more backs to rub.  Shit.

I guess there goes my idea of being a secret kung-fu master.  I was hoping I had secret abilities to dodge bullets and that sort of thing.  But unfortunately I can’t even dodge coffee.  I can’t even dodge a second bag of coffee.


Filed under humor, journal, rant

4 responses to “Smacked on the head with two pounds of coffee

  1. Steph

    Lol only you Mel!!!

  2. Holly

    OH MY GOD! How does Coffee hit your head? Thats hysterical (but only because you arent seriously hurt!)

    Steph, What Mel didnt get to write is she went into a quaint grocery store and bought cough medicine. The women behind the counter said, “This taste no good,. But it works well.” When Melanie tasted the cough syrup she held it in her mouth for minutes and almost threw up. Why did it taste so bad, you ask?? The flavoring is Pine Needle Oil!!! LOL. It tasted like christmas trees, and not in a good way!

  3. That medicine is awful, yuck! It works though. I brought it to work. It smells exactly like hair dye.

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