Last Friday after massaging for six hours, I went to the New Britain Museum of art for a party, then went dancing at Murphy and Scarlette’s. I don’t remember half the night. I drank an incalculable amount of alcohol.
I DO remember talking to the bouncer sitting next to a camera monitor. I was looking at myself on the monitor and slurring my words, “This better not be recorded! It’s better not be.”
Bouncer – “It is – see the VCR has a tape in it. It’s recording you.”
Me – “No! It better not be recording! I can’t have any of me on this tape cause I’m gonna be president one day and I can’t have a record of me like this. People can’t see their future president like this.”
I was slovenly shoving greasy pizza in my mouth until it went flying on the floor. The pizza guy gave me another slice before I had the chance to decide if my floor pizza was still good to eat.
Honestly, I was a hot mess as kids are putting it these days.
I have no idea what time I went to bed. I had trouble sleeping because I drank two glasses of redbull and had a venti latte (two shots espresso) earlier that day. I don’t drink caffeine.
My phone rang at 9:23 am. It was my job telling me that I was supposed to be in work at 9 am.
Me – “What!? No! I go in at 12, why 9? I never go in at 9.”
Ashley – “That’s what the schedule says. It’s weird it’s saying that.”
Me – “Shit, oh man I’m so screwed. I drank so much last night.”
Ashley – “It’s okay, your first client cancelled anyway. They were a 90 minute, so you don’t have to be in until 10:30, do you think you can be here for 10:30?”
I look at the time, it was 9:30.
Me -“Yeah, I’m leaving now.”
I ate no breakfast, I looked a complete wreck and I lost my sneakers so I had to wear sandals.
I thought I was going to throw-up all during my massages.
Have you ever given a massage hung over? Well, let me just tell you it sucks. I had to massage for 4 and a half hours before I could go back home to my bed. I was supposed to see a play with my friend, but I couldn’t do it. It was physically impossible. I fell asleep at 8 pm and woke up at 10 am today to give a massage at the spa down the street.
I’m still in recovery. I don’t want to move.
And besides all that, I just found out that I’m not allowed to use a calculator for the accuplacer placement exam that I still have to study for. I’m depressed about that – Yes, I really am depressed over a stupid calculator.
I’m laying in bed with my math study guide next to me (a book, not a man). I didn’t crack it open not once today. I’m hopeless.