I have major trust issue’s with some people. I don’t want to get into how I developed this malfunction, but just know that I have it, and have it bad. I always jump to the nearest conclusion that mostly everybody hates me.

It’s just stuck in me – ingrained and rooted. Everyone hates Melanie. The end.

There’s a lot more effort involved in not trusting people than there is in trusting them. It’s exhausting.

Things have been good besides everyone hating me. I went to Mayhem on sunday. Mayhem is a crazy all-day festival for head-bangers, stoner’s and goth’s. It was about 90 degree’s out, but still the goth kept their frock of heavy black pants and chains hanging everywhere.

I am not a goth, nor a head-banger – I was the annoying girl telling everyone not to head-bang because it’s bad for their brains. But I did however, score beer off neighboring car’s for our group and I smoked a little herb before the show.

I got sucked into this one particularly scary group of folks. I scored a beer from them, then stayed to chat simply because they were mesmerizing (I was stoned). This one guy, I think they called him Spaz, kept bouncing up and down, hitting himself in the head in order to hype himself up for a fight. I’m the non-violent type, so I stared at him in wonder and amazement – somehow I withheld all judgement so I could embrace him as my new friend.

Me – “I got your back Spaz. As long as I’m fighting a girl without a knife, I got your back.”

Spaz – “I have your back too, we’re on the same side.”

I felt his loyalty hit me hard, it was palpable, which completely contradicts my theory that everyone hates me.

Then I turned my gaze to his shirtless, older friend holding a deflated swimming pool tire.

Guy holding tire – “I’m going to blow this balloon up and float over the fence so I don’t have to buy a ticket.”

He was now my brand new, NEW friend – completely caught my attention – had me gawking in a wide-eyed stupor. I had to photograph him.


After I photographed him he asked me – “Hey, why not ask for my friends number?”

I turn my gaze on my NEWEST friend.

Me – “….uhhhh…..huh huh.”

I must have been talking with this group of guys for quite some time, because one of my friends came over to get me. He seemed concerned for my safety and I found this absolutely adorable about him. When I’m stoned, I fall in love. It’s what I do.

The guy holding the tire -“Is this your boyfriend? He’s a good looking guy.”

Me – “Yeah, he’s my boyfriend.”

Dj – “Hey, what are you doing? I thought you wanted to see Machine Head.”

Me – “I love it how we both speak English and I can understand everything you say. You’re really amazing.”

Okay, I didn’t say that, but I was thinking it. I found him irresistible simply because he spoke English and was concerned about me.

Me – “I got Machine Head mixed up with Bush. Bush sing’s Machine Head, not Machine Head sings Machine Head.”

Dj – “Okay, well, I still want to see them. Want to go in with me?”

Me – “Yeah, I need a beer.”

This was the first day I ever met Dj, but there’s something so familiar about him that I stayed close by him for the entire day.






This is Dj showing me pictures of his cat.




I told Dj I didn’t want a boyfriend, but he kissed me anyway.

I have to go to work.

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