I woke up at 7:30 am today, watched one episode of True Blood and then lied in bed just thinking.
I try to be as objective as I possibly can when looking at my life and asking questions like, “What the hell am I doing?”
I mean really, what the hell is it that I’m doing? What makes me happy? If I don’t want kids or some random Joe Schlub for a husband, then can I still find meaning and happiness?
Many people after they been drinking (both in movie’s and real life), always mention their kids in emotional tear-filled outbursts.
“I would be nothing without them. Nothing!” Sobbing uncontrollably, or glistening with sentimentality.
What do I have that makes me something? What do I want to have? I don’t think I want anything.
Well, I want to move out of my parents house.
I can usually spot miserable people. The most miserable people out there try to hide their misery from others. How is it that I can spot them? They don’t even need to say one word before I know what they are.
Am I miserable? Is that why I know it when I see it? I don’t feel miserable, and I can’t stand hanging around miserable people.
If I were to tack a word to what I feel, it would be lonely. It’s completely absurd for me to feel lonely because I have awesome friends that are always around, but still…..I just don’t get it. Why lonely? Even when I’m hanging out with awesome people, I still feel lonely. Even while dating a hot guy who’s eyes are all on me, I can still feel desolate and solitary.
I’m honest and straightforward, I share my emotions openly and somewhat freely. I’m as stable as they come as far as I can tell. I don’t purposely isolate myself from others, I’m quite the opposite in fact.
Did I start a blog to compensate for my lack in finding my soul counterpart in another (Wedding Crashers)? Is my blog substitute for an unrealized person?
Maybe I’m not lonely, just bored. I want a job I can look forward to, but massaging people honestly bores the heck out of me.
This loneliness is probably something everyone feels and I’m just embellishing in my selfish narrow-mindedness. When I don’t think about it, the feeling is nearly imperceptible – I just like to indulge in a healthy dose of negativity sometimes. I feel it helps in broadening my scope.
There’s a slim difference between being bored and being lonely. As long as I fill my head with distractions, I’m safe from the emptiness. What’s life without all the distractions anyway?
I think a lot – way too much. I started this post yesterday, then stopped because I wanted to search for the perfect water bottle online. I don’t drink a lot of water, so I figure that if I had a pretty water bottle, I would want to drink from it. I found this.
KOR ONE Hydration Vessel: Special Edition – “United Nations of Water” Pink
After an hour of weighing the pro’s and con’s of buying a $35 water bottle that 21 people deemed too fragile for the money, I decided against it. But it was a painstaking process, all for a water bottle. This is my life.
Shit, I have to get my ass in work.