Just another morning

Dexter is still lingering in my psyche.  I had a dream before waking up today that I was chasing after a criminal who tried to kill his entire family by cooking them plastic cupcakes.  I was wearing a motorcycle helmet when I was chasing him, so the stuff that he threw at me bounced off my head.

After my dream, I got up to take a shower then I went upstairs to make some breakfast.  My dad was there in the kitchen making himself a hotdog.

Me – You’re making a hotdog?

Dad – Yep, just one.

My mom was in the living room watching QVC.

Mom – Mel come here I want to show you something.

Me – But I have to make my eggs.

Mom – Just come here!

I go into the living room and my mom is there holding up some jewelery.

Mom – Do you think you would wear this necklace?

Me – Sure.

Mom – Okay, good.  I bought it for you.

Then she holds up a bracelet.

Mom – Those Chinese guys and their magnets.  This bracelet is a magnet and wraps all the way around like this.  The guy asked me if I had a daughter that would like it.  Do you like it?

Me – Yeah, it’s cool.

My mom gets suckered into buying anything from anyone.  I have no idea where she met this chinese guy and his jewelery.  I pictured her eating at a Chinese buffet and a salesman walking up to her table selling her stuff.

Mom – Do you know anyone who would want this barret?

Me – No mom.

Mom – How about this necklace?  It’s meant for two people.  You give the other half to your boyfriend.

One necklace had a heart on it, and the other necklace had a key.  There was writing on it, but I didn’t read it.

Me – Give it to Fran and Melissa.

Mom – No, they wouldn’t wear it.

Me – I have to make my eggs.

I walk away toward the kitchen.

Me – Salespeople prey on the elderly.

Dad – Your mother buys everything.  They try to sell her one, she buys ten.

I throw some eggs in a pan, stick toast in the toaster, slice up an orange and my mom comes limping into the kitchen holding up more jewelery.

Mom – Do you think Becky will like this?  She won an award at college.

Me – Really?  Good for her.  Mom could you please stop buying all decaf coffee for the coffee maker.

We have a Kuerig and it uses little K-cups to make coffee.  This is the tenth time I asked her to buy regular.

Mom – Okay.

My mom does not respect the personal space of others.  She was standing so close to me watching me make coffee.

Mom – Use my instant coffee, it’s really good.

I put a scoop of instant coffee in the keurig coffee machine.

Mom – What are you doing?!  It’s instant!

Me – What?  So it doesn’t go in there?

Mom – No it doesn’t go in there, it goes in your coffee!

Me – You’re all up in my space, move over.  I’ll just use dads coffee instead.

I opened up my dad’s coffee container and it spills everywhere.

Mom – Let me clean it up.  I got it.

Me – Mom, I’m standing right here, let me do it.  Let me brew my coffee.

I have to get ready for work, I can’t finish the post.  I’m not sure where I was going with it anyway.


Filed under humor, journal

3 responses to “Just another morning

  1. After I spilled the coffee everywhere, my mom told me my eggs were burning on the stove.
    Mom – what are you doing? You’re eggs are burning.
    Me – I don’t like them to be runny.
    Then she tried to give me more jewelry to give to people. The woman doesn’t take no for an answer.

  2. Steph

    I freaking love it!!!!

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