I had to travel behind a school bus on my way to work today. The little boys sitting in the back of the bus kept turning around to look at me, the one wearing a santa hat waved.
I waved back and took a drag off my cigarette hoping he wouldn’t notice. I hate driving behind school buses for this purpose. I feel like I’m on display for all the little goobers gawking at me. Would it be worse if they saw me picking my nose rather than smoking a stoge?
I think smoking is a form of population control. And the government is weeding out all the dumbasses who continue to smoke, so the dumb gene will be killed off. This is why they put rat poison and formaldehyde in cigarettes.
It sucks that I’m one of those unfortunates stuck with the dumb DNA. I have strong teeth and bones, but brains are more important these days (did I mention I never had a cavity?)
I have a theory that toothpaste causes cavities. I usually only brush once in the morning, and I swish with listerine at night. I floss once or twice a week. All my friends who brush more than once a day have cavities which is just about everyone I know. The last time I went to the dentist was the first time in 10 years and the hygenist couldn’t get over how spectacular my teeth were.
Today’s lessons are that dentists keep themselves in business by telling us to brush more, and the government is killing stupid people – me being one of them.
I have two clients left.