People who get insanely deep tissue have something seriously wrong with them. I give an excellent massage according to normal people. My massage is for normal people only, no freaks of nature on my table please.
These freaks are most often skinny women. I go to massage them, and they are all boney with loose fitting skin. When I do find a tight muscle, it’s usually stringy, impossible to pin down without it jumping everywhere and there is no fatty meat or hearty muscle surrounding it – it’s just a taut string with skin and bone next to it. It’s gross.
Client – I think you have to go deeper.
My elbow was already sticking out the other side of her body. If I went any deeper, it would be a bad horror flick….a horror flick with zombie’s. Blood and torn skin everywhere – I have pointy elbows. They’re like daggers.
I can weed out these freaks from the normal deep tissue people. The freaks want it deep on their entire body. Again, it’s gross. It’s gross because these women don’t have any muscle or fat. I sink right down to the bone. This deep can’t be healthy.
When someone tells me they want a deep tissue massage, I size them up to see if they are a freak or not. I’m good at picking them out just from visual cue’s.
There is a women here at Starbucks that wants a new drink because hers is too hot. Umm….What? Maybe I’m missing something here.
Girl that works here – Do you want ice in it? Some cold milk?
Nope, you can just make it over again. The girl behind the counter said she used the kid’s temperature instead as she handed it over with a smile.
Okay, there is one exception to the freak rule. This young girl who was completely normal – even cool to talk to, wanted the freaky deep. But she was honest about liking pain.
Young girl – I like it to hurt. It hurts so good. Don’t be afraid to hurt me.
It was strange hearing it, but I’m fully convinced that these people really do like pain, but unlike that one girl who was honest about it, all these other women keep quiet, like it’s some deranged secret they have. I’m not making this stuff up.
Ugh, I should get back. I have two more to go. One of them is fun to massage, but I don’t know the other one.