My first client of the day

I’ve been massaging a little old lady every other week for about 6 months.  Actually, she’s not little.  She’s got a bit of heft to her.  She’s sweet and super nice, but sometimes does things that you wouldn’t expect from a sweet, nice little old lady. 

She was my first client today.  I greeted her in the tranquility room, brought her to the massage table and told her to make herself comfortable.  I leave to go wash my hands and do a little massage dance to help pump me up for the day.

Five minutes go by before I knock on her door, then I remember she’s deaf, and knocking is useless.  I walk in and she’s face-down on the table with the top sheet around her ankles.  And no, she wasn’t wearing any underpants – bloomers in old-folk speak.

“Oh boy.”

I pull the sheet up to cover her tukhus – I hate the word tukhus but I can’t seem to get it out of my head lately.

I can honestly say that I don’t care if women expose themselves to me – I brush it off and don’t think twice accept if it’s blog-worthy.  I had a couple of guys expose their ass, and that didn’t bother me either, but if they ever expose anything else, they’re out.

Anyway, this woman is sweet – just catches me off guard sometimes.

I massage her back and legs, then ask her to flip over.  She was snoring and I had to wake her up with a little tap.  She turns over and then out of nowhere she says, “fucking stairs.” 

She fell down some steps and landed on her tukhus (there’s that stupid word again!)  She wasn’t seriously injured, but hurt her shoulder.  How do I respond to an old lady dropping the F bomb?  Do I say, “Yeah, damn them fucking stairs straight to hell”?  I mean, she can’t hear me anyway so why not amuse myself? 

I didn’t say it.  I’m a wuss.

She gave me a box of birthday candles for Christmas. 

I need to stop writing.  I have to wake up early for work tomorrow and can never fall asleep easily after blogging.  Writing gives me insomnia unfortunately.

Catch y’all on the flip side.  Bottoms up!


Filed under humor, journal

3 responses to “My first client of the day

  1. Steph

    So whatcha gonna do with those birthday candles? 🙂

    • I’m not sure, I’m not much of a cake eater. I need to find something to stick them in. I like sushi. Maybe I can stick them in my chirashi sushi on my birthday.

  2. Steph

    there you go!!!

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