Me and my stupid laugh

I’m going to name my first book ‘National Bestseller’, that way people will think its a national bestseller and buy it. 

Should I store that thought away as a maybe, or throw it in with my huge pile of terrible idea’s?

I’m not of brilliant mind.  If I had a brilliant mind I would’ve left my parents house a long time ago.  That’s not drool on my pillow in the morning, it’s brain leakage.

People who work at walmart should not complain about their paycheck because they work at WALMARTI shouldn’t complain about living at home because I live with my PARENTS.  I also shouldn’t complain that the mens bathroom at work always smells like farts and mouthwash, because it’s a mens room.  The lady’s room is better because it smells like farts and perfume.

I laugh like the Mad Hatter.  Picture Alice in Wonderland’s Mad Hatter – that’s me.  Well, my laugh anyway.  Imagine meeting the sexiest person in the world and suddenly without warning hear them burst out in Mad Hatter laughter, would you still think them sexy?  Now imagine seeing a plain girl with big teeth and an overbite laughing like that – that would be me.  Big stupid dumb laugh.  I don’t have much of a chance in the world, do I?

I can actually feel a blockage in my head.  It’s like a wall of incomprehension.

Let’s say you have a few feet of space between point A and point B.  Point A walks half-way to meet point B.  Then walks half-way again.  If point A keeps walking half-way to meet point B, there will be an infinite amount of halfs and the two points will never meet.  It’s a Zeno paradox, and it’s the way my brain works.  Nothing seems to connect.

And when someone starts up a conversation that I have no knowledge about, I do my stupid Mad Hatter laugh.  Is what they’re saying funny?  I hope so!

I want to move out of my parents house – than move out! 

I want to see the world, be cultured and worldly – than buy a plane ticket!

I want to pay off my debt – I need to stop spending so much money!

I’m stuck. 

I have $50 stuffed in my bra.  I’m at Starbucks.  Would it be unbecoming to stick my hand in there and rummage around for bills?  Screw it, I’m doing it.

Oh crap I was going to order something to eat and I completely forgot.  Oh well, I’d rather sit here and blog than eat.  I’m like the white lab rat that kept hitting the lever that gave him an orgasm instead of the one that shot out pellets.  The poor little guy starved to death.

I by no means am saying that my blog is orgasmic, but that I have a limited amount of time before the very thoughts I’m thinking right now dissipate and shatter into a long forgotten whisper.  It has to do with me being a dumb ass.

So yes, I have chosen to blog over eating.  I also chosen to blog rather than go to the bathroom.  It happens every Saturday when I go to work early – much earlier than my scheduled bathroom visit.  Instead of going during my break, I blog.


Filed under All about me, humor, random thoughts

3 responses to “Me and my stupid laugh

  1. Steph

    you do not have a stupid laugh! i love your laugh!

  2. Steph

    I just think everyone hates the sound of their own voice 🙂

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