I went over Holly’s house last night to watch Love Actually. Every year around this time we watch it non-stop during the holidays.
After five beers and a cookie, I went home to watch the next two episodes of Spartacus.
It was around 1 am when my 12-year-old niece came downstairs and knocked on my bedroom door.
Alexis – There’s someone outside with a flashlight.
My crazy aunt was up to her crazy antics. She’s paranoid. Every night she hears footsteps outside our house and see’s flashlights in the backyard.
Me – Nobody’s outside. Aunt Ceil is crazy. She does this every night. She’s paranoid.
Alexis giggles and crawls into bed with me. I had to put Spartacus on pause.
Alexis – Who is the craziest person that lives here?
Me – Robert
Alexis – Second craziest?
Me – Aunt Ceil
Alexis – Is Nana the third craziest?
Me – Absolutely
Alexis – And Poppy is normal?
Me – Yeah Poppy’s normal
Alexis – Aunt Ceil heard doors slamming down here and voices.
Me – It’s just me down here.
My aunt also thinks that I’m a promiscuous slut that sneaks men into the house every night. My mom calls me late at night asking me if I’m alone.
Mom – Aunt Ceil heard voices down there. Are you alone?
Me – It’s just me and four big black dudes.
(I’m not prejudice, my family is just scared of black dudes.)
Mom – Don’t joke like that.
Me – You would like them, they all look like Eric.
(We have black neighbors that are like family to us. My mom thinks all black people look like our black neighbor, Eric.)
Mom – Stop it.
Me – We’re just playing playstation.
My aunt is nutty like squirrel poo.
I brought Alexis back upstairs. My crazy aunt was sitting in the dining room.
Alexis – You have to close the curtain on the sliding door.
Me – Why can’t you do it?
Alexis – I’m scared to do it.
My aunt – I did it last time.
I walked over to the sliding glass door in the kitchen and peered out into the darkness.
I’m not scared of seeing guys with flashlights or escaped prisoners. I’m scared of seeing Zombies – not vampires or werewolves, but zombies. I pictured a zombie with a blood-caked mouth and pointy teeth holding a severed arm, slapping his decomposing carcass against the glass door.
I keep my cool and close the blinds. My aunt watches us from her chair in the dining room. Her brain spinning crazy paranoid images in her head. Much like my own brain.
Alexis – You’re brave.
My aunt is turning Alexis into a scared, paranoid little girl.
Me – Go to bed
I walk back downstairs, turning off all the lights and running into my bedroom. I’m not scared of darkness itself, but of the zombie’s lurking in the darkness.
I’m sitting in Cheshire Coffee with Holly. She’s correcting papers. I’m trying to think of things to write to keep busy.
Brie just joined us. Now they are talking about teacher stuff. I’m hungry. All I ate today were three cookies.
One soy latte
Half a cigarette