I’m back in CT. I’m back to my quaint little Starbucks table drinking my latte and eating coffee cake.
I went to Rhode Island to stay at my family’s cottage. I needed it. REALLY needed it. Thursday was that long double shift, plus learning about my family’s hatred toward me, Friday was work and feeling unwelcomed when I got home, Saturday I worked in the morning taking 6 clients, then went out to dinner with Holly and Kristina, then went to the Groggy Frog where I tried to drink myself into oblivion. It didn’t work. I was too tired to drink a lot.
The next day I gave a massage at 11 am, then drove to the cottage in Rhode Island. I arrived in Charleston at 12:30. I was still in my uniform, exhausted and starved – I decided to go to walmart and stock up on food, lots of food.
I bought Chef boyardee ravioli (99.9% fat free), salmon, tilapia, capers, a bag of lemons, a can of soup, lobster cakes, fresh green beans, rice and a box of mashed potato’s.
“That should last me.”
When I arrived at the cottage, I unpacked my things and made the can of soup. Then watched tv.
My three main reasons to go to the cottage was to eat a lot, sleep a lot and watch tv. I sat on the couch, ate my soup and when I got hungry again, I made myself tilapia with a piccatta sauce, a side of green beans and rice.
I watched the sunset, watched the birds and the boats on the water and enjoyed my dinner. It was really good for someone who never made tilapia piccatta before. I didn’t even have a recipe.
My dad hates me now, too. I texted my brother when I first arrived at the cottage to ‘tell dad I’m here so he doesn’t worry, I don’t want to call the house.’ Then I shut off my phone.
Well, when I got home today, my dad was upset because he didn’t know where I was. My brother must not have gotten my message to give to my dad. So now he’s pissed. My entire household is pissed at me – no, not just pissed, livid. No one says one word to me when I come home or leave the house. It’s like I’m not even alive. It’s pretty much the worst feeling in the world. I want to cry right now, but I have one more client. Then I can cry all I want.
It’s like once you start spiraling, all this stuff happens that’s out of your control to make life even more painful and dreadful. I still don’t know what I did. Oh yeah, emailed my cousin.
I have to get back to work. It’s hard writing everything down in less than an hour, but a little something is better than nothing.