Liverwurst and Massage Therapy nightmares

I didn’t get any sleep last night.  I never sleep when I’m excited for something and last night I was excited for three things;  I’m going to see John Mayer tonight, next week I’m going to Vegas and some time in the future I’m going to become a roadie.

I also couldn’t sleep because this was the first night in a long time that I went to bed sober.

I woke up at 7 a.m from my hour of sleep and ransacked the fridge for something to eat.  I was famished and wanted something quick and satisfying.  I settled on a liverwurst sandwich. 

I do not recommend a liverwurst sandwich at 7 a.m, especially the Stop & Shop brand that costs half a cent a pound.  Cat food tastes better and has more nutritional value.  The canned meat from Upton Sinclairs book ‘The Jungle’ is more appealing to the palette than a slab of cheap liverwurst served up at 7 a.m on an empty stomach.

I take a shower and brush my teeth.  My mouth tastes so nasty from my breakfast that it gave my toothbrush bad breath.  I dress for work, spaced out for a bit and found myself sitting in the ME parking lot with my shirt inside out.

“How did that happen?”  I spotted it before I got out of my car.  Liverwurst is NOT brain food. 

I massage two clients, got a half hour break and then massaged four more.  Now I’m sitting in Starbucks waiting for Sarah to get here.  She’s meeting me here so we can go see John Mayer together.

While I was giving massages today, weird thoughts were bountiful.  Here is a small sample of what I was thinking about while giving massages:

                                                                   Top Five

                                   Massage Therapist’s Worst Nightmare’s

5.  Toilet paper stuck on a shoe is forgivable.  Toilet paper stuck in the ass, is not.

4.  flatulence is embarrassing, although acceptable.  Having a client shard (shit & fart), is not.

3.  If a client is face down with their head in the face cradle, it would be creepy if they turned it all the way around exorcist style and threw-up pea soup.

2.  Massaging a client with a conjoined twin anywhere on their body would complicate pricing.

And the number one massage therapist’s worst nightmare is……..

1.  The client did not like their massage.

Those are really hard to think of.  

Well, I’m out of shit to write.


Filed under humor, journal, random thoughts

7 responses to “Liverwurst and Massage Therapy nightmares

  1. Holly

    Liverwurst! Yuck at anytime of the day!! (not to yuck on your yum, but it is yucky) I like your top 5

    • navybound

      Guess what I ate when I got home yesterday from the concert. The other half of the liverwurst sandwich! It was sitting on my desk for about 18 hours and it strangely didn’t make me sick. I yuck liverwurst too, but I eat it anyway. Tonight I ate a can of asparagus – it was absolutely disgusting!

  2. Steph

    Have you had anyone shard on your table!? LOL

  3. Steph

    OMG You have to tell me this story in Vegas! LOL

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