Yesterday I went to Happy Tuesday with the same old happy crew of drunk older men who insist on kissing me on my lips as their way of saying Hello. I arrived before Dave got there and all the guys were talking shit about him.
“Why are you friends with him, he’s such a loser.”
“He’d rather be with that troll than with you? He needs to have his eyes checked.”
“He comes here and drinks the beer without offering to buy a round. He’s an asshole.”
They apparently don’t like Dave anymore and so I sat there listening to them bash him. They kept calling him a loser and an asshole.
Dave pulled up to the bar on his motorcycle and peeks into the window to see who’s there, then he makes a call on his cell phone before coming inside.
“He’s telling the troll not to come down because you’re here.”
Me – “I hope so.”
Dave comes inside, says his hello’s and asks where his beer is. Then starts touching Papa Dick’s money that he left on the bar.
“Get outta there Dave what are you doing, you loser.” Dave laughs and walks away to talk to someone at the other end of the bar.
This makes me wonder if my own friends do the same thing. Do they call me an asshole when I do something stupid without realizing? Do they call me a loser? I give Dave a lot slack because I know he’s really a good guy, just naive.
I told Dave it would be a good idea to buy some rounds now and then.
Me – “It would make the guys happy.” I wanted to say, ‘it would make the guys stop calling you a loser.’
A couple of months ago the guys were asking me why I don’t date Dave anymore and that we make a good couple, now they’re trying to hook me up with their son’s and asking me why I even bother with Dave.
What changed since then? What did Dave do? Maybe Dave was the one talking shit about me. Wouldn’t that be ironic? All this time sticking up for the guy, forgiving his naive nature only to end up being his little joke of an ex.
But I don’t believe that. He always seems so sincere when he talks to me, always wants to hang out with me and what smack could he possibly say about me?
We might go for a bike ride on Sunday. Bike rides are absolutely fabulous when I’m listening to my ipod and zoning out to the scenery – I love riding!
I had to leave Happy Tuesday early to see a movie that started at 7. I said my farewells and the men took it as yet another opportunity to snag a kiss from me. I can’t help to scrunch up my face when their lips touch mine. Then Dave snuck a kiss, except his wasn’t a little innocent peck like the other guys.
I feel like I’m destroying this poor guys life. Is it my fault his buddies are rejecting him? Is it my fault he’s dating an abhorrent woman 13 years his senior? Am I a succubist?
This isn’t the first time I’ve destroyed a man. I’m selfish. I want everyone to love me, but I want my freedom to let in even more people who could love me. I’m needy and insatiable. I have problems.
I leave to meet Oriana to see the new Angelina Joli movie, Salt. After the movie we grab a bite to eat and she informs me of all the interesting events that taken place during the Lilith fair while I was in my tired beer induced daze. It turns out that the little group of girls I went there with were hooking up with each other prison-yard style. Everyone been with everyone at one point or another.
There were ex-girlfriends all around us, making out with their new girlfriends and making their old girlfriends jealous. I was getting some depressing vibes while sitting on my little square of the blanket (we had lawn seats), it’s no wonder why I felt the need to venture off and talk to strangers – men preferably. There was just too much wild emotional estrogen in the air for me to handle.
It turns out that women can be players just like men, but even worse.
I go home and eat the rest of my pizza from dinner and watch the silly movie ‘Down Periscope’ while perusing the net. I hopped into bed and drifted off to sleep to have a very strange dream.
I used to be a waitress (a very stressed out waitress) and have horrible waitressing dreams just about every night of the week. I still get them now and then. Last night was a waitressing dream coupled with massage. I had to ‘wait’ on clients like they were restaurant patrons, except massage them instead of give them food. I had the busiest section. All the nerdy guys from high school were there – the ones that had crushes on me. There were about five of them all lined up waiting for me to massage them. They were each to receive a one hour massage and I couldn’t understand how they were there at the same time willing to wait their turn. It was over-whelming. One of them came up to me and put his arms around me telling me it was okay and that they didn’t mind waiting.
Then my phone rings, I pick it up. It’s my Mother.
“Who was here at 3 in the morning in our driveway?!”
“Mom I don’t know, I’m sleeping!”
“But who was here? They pulled in our driveway and stayed there for 10 minutes.”
“I don’t know! It has nothing to do with me! I’m sleeping!”
I hang up, fall back to sleep only for my alarm to wake me up 5 minutes later. I’m so cranky and tired, I head to the bathroom for my shower and hear the water running in the upstairs bathroom. OCDC was at it again.
“Mom I need to take a shower!”
“You said you were sleeping!”
“I didn’t know what time it was!” We were shouting back and forth. I take my shower, dry my hair and go upstairs to the kitchen to cook up some eggs. My mom was still talking about the car parked in our driveway from the night before.
Me – “What kind of car was it?”
Mom – “I don’t know, I couldn’t see.” A few seconds go by and she added, “they were here last week, too.”
My Mother does not sleep. She is the equivalent of a built-in watch-dog.
“Yeah, they did the same thing, just park in our driveway.” A few seconds pass and she added, “they even got out of their car.”
What? How could she leave out all this information? Why couldn’t she just tell it all at once like a regular person?
Damn, I have to get back to work. I’m sitting in the back of starbucks with three other woman typing simultaneously on their laptops. One guy came back here to look at us all lined up on the bench together and laughs.
“Do you all know each other?” We look at ourselves and say, “nope.”
I just got home from the bar and I must say that I am NOT a succubist. I’m ugly as hell.
I just seen one of the guys I supposedly ‘destroyed’ tonight and it turns out he’s alive and well and completely loving life. So my mind plays tricks on me. I’m also quite the delusional S.O.B.