Getting my ass kicked

At least once in your life you should get your ass kicked.  It happened to me when I was 22 or 23 years old.

I was hanging out with my friends at the time, Alexia and Jessica.  We went to Quinns in Southington for a beer.

I walked inside, got my beer and went over to the pool table to settle myself in for the night.  I lost Alexia and Jessica, so I went to go find them.  I found them by the entrance of the bar and witnessed Jessica yelling in the face of some random girl. 

The girl became so enraged that she taken Jessica’s head and slammed it against the wall.  Alexia tried defending Jessica by grabbing the girl’s hair and tugging on it, this caused the girl to grab Jessica’s hair.  All three of them were in a hair tugging triangle.

I’m a diplomat, so naturally wanted to break up the fight.  Three against one just didn’t seem fair.  Also I had a gut feeling that Jessica started the fight.

I taken seven years of karate (ages 9-16) and I knew that getting someone in a headlock leaves them powerless and at my mercy, so I jumped on the girls back and put her in my expert headlock.

“Let go of her hair!”

We all tumble down to the floor and everyone seemed to land on me.  I was on my back still locked around the girls throat.  She wouldn’t let go of Jessica’s hair, so I squeezed tighter and said again, “Let go of her hair!”  She let go.

Jessica got up and scurried to safety.

 I thought all was well with the world and we can move on with our lives.  But the girl was still on top of me.  She turns over on me, and in my face she say’s, “You want to start something with me?”

I’m not used to getting in bar fights, and this moment felt really exciting and new.  My adrenaline was flowing and I wasn’t thinking straight so I said to her, “I’ll bite your fucking nose off right now bitch.”  Her nose was an inch away from my mouth, so that was the first thing that popped into my head.

It turned out the girl had friends in the bar.  It’s a little blurry, but I ended up getting my ass kicked.  I remember being thrown over the hood of a car and then getting my sides kicked in with some big thick pointy boots. 

Where were my friends?  I have no idea.  I do remember getting in a few jabs of my own.  A couple kicks here and there.

Jessica started the whole thing, but she completely disappeared on me.  I was in a fetal position on the pavement when the bartender finally came outside and pulled the girls off of me.

My brother was over my house the next day.  He has a weird sense of when something violent has happened.  I was in my bed sleeping with the covers up over my head when he burst in unannounced to wake me up.

“Get up get up, rise and shine.”

“No, go away.”   I wouldn’t take the covers down.  So he starts pulling on them.

“No, no no, I’m hideous.”  Finally I cave in and let him see my face.  He starts cracking up.

“So you got your ass kicked I see.”

“No I didn’t.”

I get up and look in the mirror and see all the scratches left on my face.  There were at least 20 scratches from that girls morbidly long fingernails.  I hope she broke some off my face…….

It’s strange how I didn’t feel those sharp daggers dig in and drag along my skin.  In fact, I didn’t feel much of anything.  I thought perhaps they were going easy on me, but I heard somewhere that adrenaline numbs you from feeling pain.  I know now how true that is.

When my brother started laughing at the hideous sight of me, I started laughing too.  I felt a little sore, like I had worked out the day before, but other than that I felt fabulous.  And I felt super proud of myself because at least now I know I would never wuss out in a fight.  I felt a very strong urge to run from those girls, but I didn’t.  I chose the high road… um, the high heel in the face road.

I don’t condone violence and I don’t suggest you start bar fights, but don’t be afraid if shit hits the fan at one point in your life and you need to defend yourself or others.

I got to get back to work.  I’m massaging the juice man again.  Didn’t I just massage him last week?

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