Jan. 29, 2010

I’ve cleaned my whole house today and studied for my ASVAB test. Its amazing what you can accomplish when you stay home on a Friday night and leave off the TV.
I’m becoming aware of the effects of karma. I read an article about it the other day. It was written by Prem Prakash. Prem wrote that “karma and individuality are mutually dependent, two sides of the same coin.” Basically Prem is saying that if you’re a miserable person, miserable things will happen to you. Prem also said “when no individual ego is present creating a cause, there exists no karmic reaction.” According to Prem “we can change our lives by changing our consciousness.” How the hell am I supposed to do that?
I wish to change my laziness and my subtle addictions to nicotine, alcohol and my need to be scene, heard, and loved by all (hence this blog). If I’m really going to go into the Navy, I’m most likely going to be a miserable bitch while I’m there unless I do something to change the way I think.
Here I have friends, family and a warm cozy bed to slide into every night for a most peaceful sleep. Plus many days off where I don’t need to wake up in the morning. Most days I wake up in the afternoon and lay there in blissful comfort. Just pondering the day of what may come.
I never been to camp as a kid. I never been away to college. I never been anywhere on my own. I went to Minnesota to attend a wedding once. Minnesota is the farthest I ever been from home.
Joining the Navy is by far going to be the most jarring experience of my life thus far. I’ve been kept away from everything, pampered and coddled for 30 years. I’ve always felt this big safety net all around me.
There’s this thing called cognitive dissonance. Its when your mind is burdened by two contrasting beliefs. Its like having a horrible roommate you have to either adapt to or kick out (unless it’s a close relative who needs help, then it can get a little tricky). I know this anxiety and I know that it can drive a sane person crazy. These conflicting beliefs bring so much disharmony that our unconscious learns how to deal with it by either changing our behavior or changing our thoughts.
Its a lot easier to change thoughts than behavior. Maybe the key to changing my consciousness is the same key that picks what thoughts we should believe in while we’re in disharmonious peril. Pram said we are ultimately responsible for all that happens to us. But according to this cognitive dissonance thing, our consciousness, while letting it run rampant, keeps us from experiencing any real regret. It keeps us from ourselves and knowing who we really are. We are able to sleep at night because we know nothing is our fault.  We can smoke our cigarrettes everyday because we adapted our negative thoughts into comforting ones; “I’ll quit some day”, or, “I can die in a crash tomorrow, so why bother quitting?”

We live in the past and make the same choices over and over. If we realize we are to blame, and can witness this shifting of thoughts beneath our feet like watching thin ice crackle with every step, then maybe we can move ourselves onto steady grounds by accepting responsibility of our actions and doing something about it.

We are then to become a power house of cognitive psychic karma. A self-actualized soulful, fruitful entity that knows no limitation.

I totally don’t know what I’m talking about. But I know I don’t know, therefore I am cognizant and can do something to change all that, but then again, I still wont really know anything. Sometimes you have to accept the truth that you don’t know anything about anything at all.

This is just the type of stuff I think about. I have 33 journals filled with these little wonderings.

I tried to put those two oddities (karma and cognitive dissonance) together to see what crazy mishmash of crap I can fill my head with. Is any of it really that important? No. There’s just do or don’t. All this other stuff is filler.

Ok, hopefully tomorrow I’ll explain how I came to my Navy decision. it’s a very short little anecdote, but interesting none the less.

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