Category Archives: journal

Cranky Mel

I was super cranky last night.  The worst kind of cranky.  The kind of cranky where you don’t realize you’re being cranky until you wake up the next day and read your rant blog post from the night before.

“What the hell Mel?”

It was fourth of July weekend and I drank innumerable beers.  I had an incredibly fun time until the last leg of it when I didn’t realize how tired I was.

After “S” told me her advice (verbatim from my blog), the wool came down and I was in it.  Submerged in the past.  That was the trigger.

My crankiness bloomed instantaneous and for the rest of the night (the last one or two hours that remained), I was sad and paranoid.  How quick it turned!

I’m almost positive that crankiness, or craziness rather, can start at the on-set of dishonesty.  When I withhold from others and not go with my otherwise open flow response.

How odd it is to actually see it happen.  To see exactly what happened and why.

I withheld my initial honest reaction, that’s all I did.  And by doing that, I unintentionally manipulated the situation to keep me free and in the clear.

Manipulation comes at a high price – your sanity.  It costs the same price as your happiness.  And you can’t see it happening until the moment has passed and you’re someone new.

I love fairytales, I love the black and white, good vs evil – so by breaking down something as simple as this, I can see the black and white.  I can see my own evil doings and how they affect me for the worse.

Manipulation…..knowing right from wrong….

The sun, lack of sleep, the 30 beers in my belly, all weakened my immunity to crankiness.  I couldn’t see that I was manipulating and self-preserving.

I’m now laying in bed with tired eyes.  It’s noon on Monday.

I don’t silence my phone anymore before bedtime just in case my employee’s need me in the morning, they can wake me.

My phone started going off early.  One text every half hour.  I’d wake up, see that’s it’s not from my employee, and go back to sleep.  Literally, this happened at least 6 times.

I have to hire another employee, finish furnishing the room upstairs, add shirodhara to website and online store….

But for right now I’m going to eat lunch and nap.  Yes.

I’m still cranky dammit.

 

 

 

Leave a comment

Filed under journal

Advice From My Blog

My neighbor tonight, a girl who’s a friend of a friend, wanted to give me advice;

My neighbor – “If you’re depressed, you’re living in the past, but if you’re anxious, you’re living in the future….”

Etc, ect…

She basically gave me the same advice I written about in my last post (or the post before that?  I don’t remember).

It’s not a coincidence.

People take shit from my blog and they spread it around without telling people where they got it from.  That’s from me!!!  Not me, but Eckhart Tolle!

No big deal, I know.  No big deal at all but the thing is……who the hell is still reading my blog?  And who is regurgitating my advice (Eckhart’s advice)?

It’s just weird, I mean, it’s super strange.  It’s strange for several reasons, I’ll start with the first:

“S” (keeping anonymity) is someone who see’s me as a goofy dip-shit.  She has absolutely no clue as to who I am.  She’s on a completely different level than me with having kids, a husband, a house, a full time career….

I’m basically a child to her.  She see’s me as a child.

And then she gives me advice from my own damn blog which someone else lifted, ahhhhh!!!!

Supposedly my friends don’t read this anymore, but tonight after hearing that advice from “S”, there are several people who could have regurgitated it to her, I just don’t know who.

Okay, I’m being childish right now, yes, but I guess it’s one of those things you’d have to experience to understand.

The thing is, the people who could have regurgitated my blog are the same people who don’t speak to me anymore.  The ex-friends.  I think that’s partly (if not all) why I’m making a stink about it.

So, the people who ostracized me are still reading my blog, but not only that, they are spreading my wisdom (Eckhart’s wisdom) off as their own, only to have it fed back to me in our social loop.

It kinda pisses me off.

But anyway, I wanted to say “Where did you hear that?  I just written that exact same thing in my blog a few days ago.”

But I didn’t…..Why didn’t I?

Any mention of my blog is off limits.  I made a rule.  I shan’t tell anybody about my blog (period).

Not only that but, I don’t know what it is…….Am I too proud?  Am I stubborn?  Do I still have some sort of loyalty towards the people who outcast me?

And she was so proud of her advice, so why ruin it?

I’m super tired.  I literally can’t keep my eyes open.

 

Leave a comment

Filed under journal, rant

Dog Day of Summer

I’m supposed to be furnishing the room upstairs so we can start doing spa treatments up there.  My broken armed therapist is on my tail.

Broken armed therapist – “I went up there today to see how it looked and it’s a disaster!”

But

I

Can’t

Moooovvvve……..

I gave one massage earlier today and went to Koels to buy curtains for the new room and now here I am.  Laying in bed with my dog and my laptop on my lap while watching Knights of Sidonia on Netflix.

I ate lunch and decided that’s it, I’m in for the night.  I love being in for the night!  So what if it’s 3 o’clock on a beautiful Friday afternoon.  So what if I got shit tons of shit to do?

My dog farted.

This is the holiday weekend.  I’m taking a break.  And my friend offered to help hang up my curtains next week, so I’ll just get everything done then.  It ain’t much and I bought everything I need already.

This is true peace for me.  It’s bliss.  Now only if my dog can shut up and stop hogging the bed.

Leave a comment

Filed under humor, journal, video's

Elevate

I love watching older women in fabric stores.  Perusing the textures, calculating the softness, the durability, its purpose…..

They found a niche, a hobby, a craft they enjoy.  Choosing all their materials with a tender heart and keen eye.

I am a HUGE sap.

HUGE.

I found myself at the fabric store today for a more banal need, barren of creativity –  to make cheap blindfolds for the shirodhara treatments we’ll be offering to clients.

That’s when my heart swelled at the site of those chubby ankled women inspecting each strand of fabric.

God bless them.

I fell in love with the frail old lady who measured and cut my fabric.

Years of work with no absolution, not enough thanks – years upon years of answering dumb questions by dumb customers.

Me – “What does half a yard look like?”

She didn’t want to be there but nobody could tell just by talking to her.

We struck up a conversation and I offered to put the roll of fabric back where I found it.

Her eyes lifted in surprise.

Her – “You want to put it back for me?”

She said it in a way that made it sound like I was the first person who offered.

Me – “Of course I want to put it back.  I had your job before and I know how it is.  I’m in no rush.”

And then my love ebbed away the more I thought about how I’m the only person who offered to put the fabric back.

“People are assholes.  Damn inconsiderate assholes.”

I swear uncontrollably in my head.  I tend to use the term “fuckface” a lot.  Like for instance, “what’s this fuckface doing pulling out in front of me?”

I know it sounds crazy, but the more I swear in my head, the faster my anger dissipates.  It never see’s the light of day.  It’s more like a habit and not so much actual anger.

In the plaza, on my way out of the lot, I stopped for a smartly dressed woman with carefully styled hair so she can cross into H&R Block.

Me – “She looks nice.  Why’s she so dressed up?  Oh, she probably works there.”

And then it hit me again…..my sap attack.  I appreciated the way she cared enough to look nice for work.

I have trouble putting my sappiness into words, but I got it bad.  This over-whelming appreciation for things that most folks don’t give a damn about unless they want something.

The woman looked nice for work.  She proudly wore a slim-fitting dress because all those years at the gym paid off, and she styled her hair nice.

Me – “You’re a beautiful person.”

You know what get’s me?  When people try.  When I see people trying, I think it’s the most beautiful thing.

The ladies at the fabric store, the woman measuring and cutting my fabric, all the women who taken that watercolor class with me – it’s effort that I fall for.

My Dad putting effort into the lawn and keeping up on our house.  My Mom carefully choosing groceries with a limited budget and cooking enough food for a small country in Africa.

I don’t care about the outcome of anything, but the effort that was put into it matters to me.  The effort that only endures when someone cares.  Homemade food will always taste delicious to me.

Mom – “I can put catsup on leather and you’d say it’s delicious.”

But why do they care?

Well, why do I care?

We are all individuals, wildly different from one another, but caring is a way of going outside to brave the storm to prove to ourselves that we’re not alone.  It’s our vocation into being accepted.

In return, we feel more.  We are more.  We give more.

And so, this morning I was too tired to write about how being peaceful doesn’t always equate to happiness, but I think I have more of a grasp on it now.  It’s the in-beween moments where we’ll find peace.

Caring about something is like a double edged sword – It can hurt you, or it can hurt you.

But the effort we put in to lessen that hurt, all the pricked fingers from sewing, foot pain from heels, back pain from gardening, headaches from kids, embarrassment from garbled creative endeavors – all that is beautiful.  It’s beautiful because we’re all still here and we’re all still caring regardless.

The moments between the sword swings….

The moments between the swings make it worth it.

Peace can be found in conscious effort.

I know this because I can only write when I’m at peace – it’s true!

Although it may not bring happiness, it brings value.  Albeit, sometimes just enough for you to value your own life.

 

If you’re wondering what someone cares about, just look at their insecurities.  Than you’ll know.  That’s why it’s a double-edged sword.

The more one cares, the more worries she carries.  A mother will never NOT worry.

Trust is found in the swings in-between.  Trust in knowing that either the fright has passed, or a new one is looming just ahead.

Are you a pessimist or an optimist?  Or what I like to call myself, a dreamer?

I swing my own goddamned sword.

ACTIVATION: ON

How bout this?:  Unconditional acceptance of the sword.

A slice of real peace.

As for me, the things that I care most about?  I value family, friends, and my dreams.

What I’m most insecure of?  Loneliness and living with the regret of never giving this life my all.  In other words, succumbing to my fears.

The sword will fall again but as the great Bruce Lee put it, “be like water, my friend.”

Adapt.

You know what I really want to do (aside from becoming a sushi chef)?  Plant a flower garden and stop giving two shits.

 

Leave a comment

Filed under journal, philosophy, random thoughts, Self help

You don’t have to be happy in order to be peaceful

There’s a boy that lives near me.  Well, not a boy anymore exactly, he’s 32 or 34, somewhere around there, and we debate until sunrise.  The sunrise is our brick wall as to when to stop debating.

He’s the best to debate with!  He doesn’t get mad at me, feel threatened or angry – he let’s me speak.  Best of all he remains honest.  Honest enough to debate back.

We discuss God and philosophy mostly.

Him – “I love that I can debate with you without you getting mad or defensive.”

Me – “Me too!”

I try not to go over there purposely as to not throw off my fragile circadian rhythms.  It’s nearly impossible getting home at a decent hour when I visit.  But just knowing he’s there, someone like him who’s easy and fun to talk with – someone who mirrors my level of emotional and intellectual capacity – well, it makes me feel pretty darn good.

He makes me feel sane.

It’s 6:56AM and I just woken up from an awesome dream.  I dreamt Brianna and I were at the airport on our way to Japan.  I couldn’t find my tickets at first, but then I did.  I couldn’t find my passport, but there it was crumpled up in my pocket when I needed it.

It was a good dream until I had to wake up to pee.  I woke up to an interesting part of The Power of Now (I’m listening to it to help me fall asleep).  I woke up while it was still playing and heard Eckhart Tolle saying that peace doesn’t equal happiness.

All this time I was chasing my happiness, thinking that happiness would bring me peace, but no.  He says you won’t always be happy while peaceful.

It reminded me of one of my debates with the boy who lives near me – the perfect conversation starter that has the capabilities of stretching into sunrise.

Let’s think about this my way, Melanie style.  Let me try to break it down.

How can you be peaceful when you’re not happy?

When you closely consider this as a possibility, it almost feels like a relief, you know?  Like, “thank god I won’t have to wait for that day to come,” because you’ll most likely be waiting a long-ass time, you get me?  It takes the pressure off.

I can be peaceful now.

What a great perspective at capturing The Power of Now!  I don’t have to wait for happiness in order for me to be peaceful.  No, it doesn’t make sense but ahhh I totally get it.  But I’m too damn tired to break it down into rational thought-out words.

When you associate one thing with another, they become tied together.  I’m certain our brains are hardwired to make these associations unconsciously.

“I’m craving snacks, I must be hungry.”

Just because you have a craving doesn’t mean you’re hungry.

Bad example.  The good examples are found in the stuff we don’t think about – our assumptions that are unconscious beliefs.

I was talking to an atheist the other day.  He’s a gay man who denounced all religion.

Me – “But that’s no different than people who have faith in God.  You have faith god doesn’t exist, and other people have faith that he does.  It’s the same thing.”

He got really angry at this.  I had no intentions of making him angry, I just wanted to have a fun lively debate like I have with my neighbor.

Him – “But there’s no proof!  I need concrete proof that he exists.  I HAVE no faith.”

There’s no proof that he doesn’t exist…..And what do you think faith is?  It’s believing something when there’s no proof.

Me – “Maybe you tied God into religion.  What if you tried separating god from the religion?  If you associate him with something you don’t agree with, you’d not want anything to do with him.”

That’s when he gave up talking to me.  He was visibly angry and couldn’t speak to me anymore.  And that’s literally all that was said on the matter – just those few sentiments I shared. That’s all that it took.

But these are the kinds of convo’s I have with my neighbor.  My neighbor doesn’t believe and always has a good argument but he NEVER gets angry or offended.  He especially never wants to stop talking altogether.

I can’t help measuring people against one another.  It’s always the defensive people that are the most disagreeable.  Insecure, closed-minded, defensive, stubborn….don’t get me started on stubborn.

I linked stubbornness with one’s downfall in life.  Stubborn people fall to ruins.

Thinking that you’re right while everyone’s wrong and holding onto your pride is the number one reason for failure.  Why?  Because stubborn people don’t change.

You can think on it all you want and you’ll see that I’m right.

They may pretend to change, but they have no intentions to.  Which turns them into manipulative narcissistic sociopaths (but we all are to some degree).

They want to be accepted for who they are without consciously knowing who or what they are.  These people feel entitled from being spoiled.

I can see it so clearly.

If you grow up learning one thing, and then life throws you a lemon, you cry like a little bitch.

Stubborn people (people governed by ego), turn to manipulation instead of changing themselves or seeing anything wrong with what they do.

You can be stubborn when it comes to standing up for something you believe in.  Never compromise your moral compass – that kind of stubbornness is commendable.  No, I’m talking about the selfish kind.  The prideful kind that doesn’t help anyone in the community, doesn’t brighten the world.

I’m talking about the protective, reactive kind of stubbornness.  Protecting your precious ego kind of stubbornness.

Stubborn people can live out their entire lives trying to prove themselves – that they are right.  That their way of living is the happy, good way of living.

Bible thumpers gone mad…..

Just give up man, just give up.

Eckhart Tolle also talks about surrendering.  To accept things as they are.  But for me, you have to actually know what you’re accepting before you can even think about surrendering.

People can’t see past their ego’s.  That’s why it’s important to talk to others.

To wrap things up;  Surrendering brings peace although not happiness, unconscious associations lead to illogical beliefs, stubborn people are screwed people.

Anywho, I can sleep for about 3 more hours so yeah…..gonna head back to sleep.

Rational Brain – “What do you have to surrender to?”

Sleep.

Rational Brain – “No, seriously.”

I’m perfect just the way I am.  I’m surrendering to my perfection.

Rational Brain – “Blow hard.”

Leave a comment

Filed under journal, philosophy, random thoughts

Melanie goes through an identity crisis

 

I hate reading old blog posts.  Especially when I’m grumpy.

Please disregard all of my previous 780 blog posts.  They are inconsequential and humiliating.

I can’t write.  I can’t write tonight because it will just be another shit post.

 

 

4 Comments

Filed under All about me, journal

Graduation Nightmare

I just woke up from a depressing dream.

I dreamt that I was graduating High School but I had nobody there with me.  No family or friends.  And since I had nobody, I was given odd jobs to help clean and take food out to guests.

It wasn’t a regular graduation, but a banquet accompanied by a show.  I kept falling down but strangers kept helping me up and I ended up sitting at a table with celebrities because there was no place else for me to sit.

I met new people, but wondered where all my old friends were.

Anyway, I drank a six pack of beer the night before and I didn’t get home until 3AM.  I drove home which I shouldn’t have done.

On my way home I stopped by my business to make sure my esthetician had enough towels for her facials the next day and as I was unlocking the front door, a cop pulled up.  Like he’d been following me the entire time.

I freaked out and ran inside the building with my heart pumping.  I barely ate and it was the second day of my period – I was way past the legal limit.

I was so drunk that I stabbed myself with an insulin needle, not once, but twice.  The girl I went to visit was diabetic and I asked her if she wanted me to administer her nightly shot.

Me – “Is it like pulp fiction?  Do I have to jam it in really fast?  This needle is HUGE!  It’s like a pulp fiction needle.”

Her – “It doesn’t hurt at all, just do it.”

Me – “It looks like it would puncture your organs.”

Her – “It’s not that big, here..”

She grabbed my hand and guided the needle into her belly.

Me – “I don’t believe it doesn’t hurt.”

Her – “You want to try?  I have a bunch of needles.”

Me – “Of course I want to try.”

She took out a new needle and stuck it in my belly while I held my shirt up and said, “Just do it man, just do it” with my eyes shut tight.

Me – “That’s it?  Did you do it?”

Her – “It’s done.”

Me – “But I barely felt it.”

Her – “You want to do it yourself?”

Me – “Of course I want to do it myself.”

So I stuck myself with another needle.

Me – “We should put ink where the insulin is.”

Her – “We’re not making prison tattoo’s.”

I went to sleep as soon as I got home and then woke up early to give two massages and then receive a facial.  From there I blew off tennis and blew off my nightly plans.  I went to bed at 8PM and here it is at 2AM.

I have to go to a wedding shower tomorrow.  I should go back to sleep.

I dream about zombies, haunted houses, vampires and the like but the dreams that scare me the most?  High school nightmares.

Leave a comment

Filed under journal

Melanie Finds a New Dream!

I have an immense ability to focus. But sometimes my focus can lead to obsession and addiction when not in check.

I also have an intense ability to dream.  Before I started my business, I feverishly leapt from one interest to another.  Tenderly loving each subject that pulled at my heart strings.

A normal person falls in love with another human being (or animal or table, who’s to judge?), but I fall in love with my dreams.  It’s always been like that.  All because I still have the childish belief of thinking that I can accomplish anything.

I feel like I can accomplish anything.  I feel like I can MASTER anything.  So why haven’t I?  I couldn’t decide on what to do so I fell into a massage therapy profession.

The course was affordable, full-time pay for half-time work, I can be my own boss.

I needed to get out of waitressing ASAP and massage fit all my criteria.  My alternative was going to college but I hated the thought of it especially since I couldn’t decide on a subject.  I had too many and it crippled my decision making it into a standstill.

So with heavy deliberation, I went to school for massage.  It happened the same way I bought my car – it was the only thing that made sense.  All other choices didn’t fit.

Am I doing life wrong?

I don’t know, but I’m feeling the fever again.  The one you get when you fall in love.  Life feels like a miraculous dream kind of fever.

I want to become a sushi chef!

I’m watching Crunchyroll.  It’s like Netflix, but strictly for anime and other Japanese TV shows.  I’m watching a Japanese teen drama called Mischievous Kiss – Love in Tokyo, and the father on the show is a sushi chef.

That’s all it taken to alight my new dream ablaze.

I LOVE sushi.  I love all food, especially from different cultures, but sushi is special.  A delicious art.  It meets all my criteria and then some.

Intricacies… I have a thing for delicateness, precision, cleanliness and simplicity.  I love mastering creative endeavors.  I love pleasing people with something that I created.  I don’t create anything when I give a massage.

It’s a labor of love, one that doesn’t require me interacting with people on an intimate level like massage.  I’ve spent 10 years toiling away at it and never had that “ah ha” moment of victory and accomplishment.

And learning how to become a sushi chef ties in with my other dream – my absolute ULTIMATE dream.  They fold together like seasoning in a rice ball.

My back is all sweaty.  I ran upstairs to tell my parents the happy news and my Dad started laughing (in delight), my Mom disproved like she always does.  Only after finding out I’ll have to spend 12 weeks in California.

But this is it.  I feel like I’ll never fall out of love with this idea – I’ll marry it to the grave and beyond, through sickness and in health.

My life is weird.  I’m sure it’s weird for everybody, but nobody pays any attention to just how weird it all is.

For instance, just before leaving for Thailand, I watched a move called Lost in Thailand.  I thought it would prepare me for my trip.  Anyway, the two guys in the movie ended up at a fish spa where these little bottom feeding fish nibble dead skin off your feet.

“That’ll be weird if I ended up going to that same fish spa.”

I had a feeling that I would get my feet eaten at that same fish spa in the movie.  I couldn’t shake the idea.

About a month later, where do I find myself?  At that same freaking fish spa!

Me – “This looks really familiar.  I think it was in a movie I seen.”

fish spa_38bc8

I step back to take a better look at the place and there, taped to the window, what do I see?  A picture of a film crew, the two men from the movie and underneath saying “Lost in Thailand was shot here.”

Me – “Holy crap.”

I wasn’t purposely seeking it out, had no idea where in Thailand this particular fish spa was (there’s thousands of them) let alone what street.  My mind was officially blown.

But stuff like this happens all the time to everyone if they paid attention to it.  I was on vacation so my mind was soft, quiet and curious – therefore, completely open.  But come back home again and we’re all hard, closed, and overcome with distraction.

I did nothing today.  It was beautiful, absolutely beautiful.  The perfect day for a soft, quiet and curious mind.

Yes I will become a sushi chef.  Just like seeing that fish spa in the movie and feeling a connection to it, I feel I will become one.  A sushi chef, not a fish spa.

Itamae, the proper name for a sushi chef.  See, I’m learning already!

My ability to focus coupled with my ability to dream, folded into eerie coincidences and the belief that I can accomplish anything, well, my life is weird indeed.

I’m 35 years old but I feel like a giddy little girl holding onto the bars of a Merry Go Round, just living in the moment.  I have my new work schedule to thank for that.

It’s Sunday and I don’t have to work again until Tuesday and on Tuesday it’s only for an hour.  I want to take guitar lessons.  I want to study.  Draw, paint, write, spend quality time.

I want to drink gin martini’s.  I’ve been craving them for several days now.  I never drink at home, not even after a hard day – I never had the need.  But now I want one.

Rational Brain – “They’re bad for you and alcoholism runs in your family.”

But I haven’t drank at home in 14 years!

Rational Brain – “But you drink like a fish whenever you go out.  Don’t start a harmful habit.”

Damn you rational brain.  It’ll help me sleep better.

Rational Brain – “You slept until 11 today, noon yesterday, you have no problems sleeping.”

I want to celebrate.  My life has direction, purpose, and meaning.  I just have to get through this sticky part.  The constantly breaking even part of it.

If I had this many clients last year, I would have at least $50,000 in the bank today if I didn’t hire more therapists, add facials, or rented the two rooms upstairs.  Instead, I fed that money back in.  I did it for this;  So I could wake up free each day.

My plan is working and I knew there would be difficulties and risks.  I anticipated all of this.  But I’m exactly where I worked so hard to be, finally on the brink of profit.  It’ll only take 50 more people to sign up to the membership.  I’m at 150 now, but another 50 will put a steady $10,000 in the bank every month.

I have a plan for Christmas.  I’ll have at least 200 members by Christmas.  I just have to get through these next six sticky months ahead.

As far as my employee’s goes, I’m one lucky bitch is all I can say.  Damn lucky.  Laurie finally quit after I cut her hours, so now I have a full solid team.  We are golden and get along.

Adonis, Crista, Holly, Marlyn, Kasey, Anthony, Molly & Shaggy.  They all know about my ultimate dream which I have yet to write about, and they all want to be a part of it.

I don’t want to write about my ultimate dream in fear that I may jinx it.  I can write about becoming a sushi chef because that’s a sure thing, but my main goal is still too far out of reach.  Like you’re not supposed to tell people you’re pregnant until the third month.  My ultimate dream has just been conceived.

If it doesn’t rain tomorrow, I’m doing my Iron Man walk of shame again.

 

2 Comments

Filed under All about me, journal

What Have I Been Up To? Shame ol’ Shame ol’

It’s the beginning of the month and my business is once again killing it. My projected income this time next month is $2,000 more than what I started with this month, $4,000 more than what I had in the bank this time last month.

I’m slowly gaining back my composure but…..

This is a big but…..

My employee’s get paid THREE times in July! This means that I need an extra $3,000 in the bank so I can pay them.

I even out.

I completely even out. Not only do I even out, but I’ll be back in the red-zone. The zone of despair.  Nicking away at my personal line of credit.

My broken armed therapist will be performing shirodhara treatments soon. One of our regular clients told me about them. I won’t go into detail about shirodhara, but It sounds wonderful and my therapist is stoked to do them. So that should help me out a bit in the money department.

I have yet to do my humiliating marketing stunt. It’s been a full week since I started my new “work” schedule (which consists of no work), but each day I find myself busy.

Today I taught my niece how to drive. No one wanted to teach her because they’re all scared, so I volunteered to do it.

Me – “Have you ever met a really stupid adult?”

Alexis – “Yeah.”

Me – “Stupid people are everywhere and guess what? They all have licenses!”

Alexis – “That’s true.”

Me – “If they’re allowed to drive, you can definitely do it.”

She has trouble taking right-hand turns and knowing when she has the right away. Sometimes coming to a complete stop at intersections.

I had to give her lots of encouragement. And to be honest, I love my car but I know it won’t stay new looking forever. I’m not scared of a few dings and dents.

Me – “There you go you got this!”

Me – “Supurb, magnificent. I wish I had gold stars to give you.”

I made her park, back-in, K-turns, drive on the main road, drive to her house, drive to my friends house, drive on the highway and then to the mall.

Alexis – “Driving is actually fun! I like it. I don’t know what I was so afraid of before.”

Me – “Just imagine what else you can do. You can do anything.”

I sound like an awesome aunt, right? Well, all this was happening while I drank beer in the passenger seat and held on to the “oh shit” handlebar above the door.

Me – “You’re a rockstar, look at you go!”

While back at home…..

My bedroom was on fire.

My mom calls my cell – “You are in so much trouble! So much trouble!”

Me thinking that she spotted me with a beer while Alexis drove my car – “What did I do?”

Mom – “Your bedroom was completely lit up in flames!”

Me – “Wha..?”

Oh shit, the candles…..

I bought 2 candles from Amazon the other day, one for prosperity and the other for abundance. I lit them both while waiting for Alexis to get here and I forgot to blow them out. They had paper sleeves wrapped around them with prayers on them, that’s what caught on fire. The paper sleeves.

Mom – “I never saw your father so panicked. He ran around searching for the fire extinguisher like a mad man. I never seen him like that.”

Me – “How bad is it?”

Mom – “I haven’t been down there to see but there’s so much smoke up here.”

My broken armed therapist and my esthetician were talking the other day about these special prayer candles and how well they worked, and me being the impressionable type, bought them immediately.

But they DID work before setting my room ablaze. I made $326 dollars today for doing absolutely nothing.

I want to buy more but my mom says I’m not allowed to have candles in my room anymore.

The damage? Nothing really. There’s a black smoke ring on my ceiling above where the candles where lit, and a thin layer of ash on my dresser. I just smudged a smily face in the center of the black circle on my ceiling.

*********************

It’s now about a week later. It’s raining and I’m laying in bed with my electronic cigarette.

I can’t stop looking at my bank account.

***********************

It’s about another week later and I can’t stop looking at my big toe.

Last year in August, almost one year ago today, I got myself a pedicure in Ecuador.  Now, this pedicure is unlike any pedi I had before.  It was on par with a medieval torture apparatus (I have super sensitive feet), but the polish she used was incredible.  Incalculable lasting strength!  If my nails never grew, they would still look as fresh as the day they were painted.

She used acrylic nail polish.

IMG_2143-1Only a wee bit remains…..

I send updates about my big toe to the girl I got the pedicure with.  She’s the same girl I went to Thailand with.  To be honest, I’m going to be sad when the last of it grows out.  And I think Brianna will be sad too.

********************

Another week later.

Today was my humiliating walk of shame day.  My last resort day basically.  I walked up and down route 10, the busiest street in my hometown, to promote my business.  I was wearing this:

[Image removed due to creepy calls at my business]

Yes I was Iron Man.  No no no, strike that.  I AM Iron Man.

The costume is meant for a 6ft male, so everything hung askew including the helmet.  I had to keep adjusting myself as I walked so I wouldn’t trip over my own feet.

Nobody does shit like this where I live.  Nobody.

All I thought about was my brother driving by and throwing his milkshake at me out of his car window like Daryl did to Prince Akeem in Coming to America.

Here’s the thing, my business is doing splendid lately.  I’m not just breaking even anymore, but gaining momentum.  Not a lot of momentum, but there’s some.

Only for it to be taken away next month when my employee’s get paid 3 times instead of 2.  Plus I’ll need to pay my quarterly taxes pretty soon.

There’s no end to this.  Even with the numbers we’re pulling in this month, it’s still not enough to cover the cost of owning a small business with a receptionist.

But I can look at it this way; this time last year I was working non-stop, still broke-ass as shit and I had a quarter of the members as I do today.

Me last year – “I don’t care how broke I’ll be.  I HAVE to stop massaging.  I’ll pay whatever it takes to not have to massage anymore.”

And here I am one year later with 9 clients on the books this week.  Between Monday-Sunday, I have to work a total of 9-15 hours as opposed to 30-40.  And I hired my friend to clean the bathroom once a week, take out the trash and fill the lotion bottles.

This would have been an impossibility last year.

Anyway, I’m tired.

I’m going to do it again tomorrow.  My Iron Man walk of shame.  At least I get to exercise while marketing my business at the same time!

Iron Man don’t give a shit what people think of him.  He does what needs doing.

Leave a comment

Filed under humor, journal

Melanie’s Free Style Writing Raps

What’s this you say?

A poem

Yes a poem

A daft and drafty space

for me to poop on

It’s got no reason

no heartfelt soliloquy

So eat your damn hotdog

with grey poupon silly

I think, but I’m not sure, but yes I do think that this may be the beginning of my idleness.  The door is open and I’m limping out into the sunlight and what do I see?  A world of slow moving, dilly-dallying ice-cream drippers.  A life of no pressure.  A life where you don’t need to eat the ice-cream before it melts.

It’s running down the back of my hand

Creamy cold sticky sweet

My mouth is covered in white

And my shirt is speckled with drops

of delight

I’m talking about melty ice-cream….

My body aches

my shoes untied

disheveled and weary

my brain is fried

Alas this is no more!

I taken myself off

the work schedule-ore!

Yeah, I’m not on the schedule at work anymore.  I am strictly by request only.  I can’t retire altogether from massage, at least not yet I can’t.  But I can make it damn hard to book with me.

This by no means portends that I’m out of hot water.  It just means that I’m done.  Physically, I’m done.  But the hot water is certainly still there.

Burning my feet

red as a beet

I jump out onto cold-

ice but it’s sleek

Thin and brittle it cracks

I bess’ be watchin’ my ass

so I jump on a rock

with a hard place above

and I pound on my confinement and yell

“WHAT THE FOCK?”

I’m in hot water, I’m on thin ice, I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.

funny-meme-pictures

Where the hell are my parents?  It’s past midnight.  I just ate a cold tube of kielbasa out of a plastic baggy.  I’m all alone here.

My parents are probably at the cottage in Rhode Island living it up with my brother and his girlfriend.  One big party.  While I’m home playing a video game that I already beat and stuffing my face with cold tubes of kielbasa.

At thirty-fucking-five-years-old!

Just give me a minute world…..I’ll join you soon.  Not yet, but soon.  It’s just that you’re so damn demanding of my time that I’d rather hide from you.

My new goal is to garner 50 more members.  I’ll be high rolling it biggie style with gold teeth and shit if I had 50 more members.

My member count now?  After getting rid of the members with declined credit cards and who haven’t been in for a while, my total active member count is 147.  Earlier today, before abolishing the non-paying members, it was 154.

Fuck this shit I swear.  I’m sick of this member count shit.  I’m sick of all this shitty shit that goes on in my head.

Shitty shitty bang bang

in my head

splat goes the sound

of my brains on the ground

Burp fart giggle wriggle

it lies there to jiggle

Shitty shitty bang bang

in my head

What I’m really sick of?  Massaging people.  But you know that already.

I don’t care if you’re handsome

I don’t care if you’re nice

I don’t care if you’re clean

and don’t carry lice

You want me to rub you

with lotion

and oil

and the pain starts in my ass

that I proclaim royal

It’s not personal,

I’m sure you’re grand

It’s just that I’d rather do

something else with my hand

Um, okay, now there’s a weird unexplained noise I’m hearing.

It’s pouring outside.

Oh It’s my parents that just got home.  Where the hell did they go?

Hold on……

The casino of course.

It’s so weird, when I wrote my last post I was a depressed mess and now I’m looking back on it like it never happened.  It’s almost like the person who wrote that post is not me – the person I was, but not anymore.

When did I write it?  Was it yesterday?  I tell ya, when I let go, I really let go.

I don’t want to dive into that crap anymore.  It’s useless crap.  And figuring out why things happen and how to overcome stupid shit is also useless.

There’s something about that thing I wrote at the end tho, the “no effort” part.  That’s about the only part that isn’t entirely useless.

It’s the dwelling that’s pointless.  Dwelling that my brother won’t speak to me because I’m trying to build up my business that was inevitably going to happen?  Why?  Why dwell?

Honestly, it was inevitable.  He should’ve known that and he shouldn’t have bought a spa next to mine.

Anyway, I think I’m all rhymed out for now.  It takes me less time to think up rhymes than it does to actually write normally.

I will join the world soon though.  Right after I get all the members I need.  I have plans.  Big plans to make it happen as soon as possible.

Peace out trouts,

Mel out

Leave a comment

Filed under humor, journal, Odes, Self help, Writing